i go on strike

so yeah. pretty bored. sitting here. still have some hours ahead of me. i need sleep. i need sleep. i'm so like..

a teeter-totter. seriously. i don't know what i feel like. it's so. just fuckin gay. i'm so moody, things are ticking me off. and everyone's irritating, like i'm surrounded by a bunch of little gnats, or aphids, or mosquitos. i just feel like telling everyone to shut the fuck up. it's horrible. and the few times i laugh at a joke or something, i try dragging it on so i can laugh more. 'cause i love laughing. laughing is one thing i can do great. but i get into these ruts. where i'm walking in a cave where everyone's just fucking gay lol. and everyone says the wrong things. and everyone does the wrong things. i always get like this sometimes. i want to go to Italy. but it'll go away. i'm sure of it.

can lack of sleep make you the biggest bitch in the world? i wanna smoke. i wanna smoke 5 billion cigarettes. i want my fingers to be smelly, and i want to taste that awful taste in my mouth. and i want to feel bouncy when i walk. and i want to listen to my music loud so loud so loud so loud i might damage those little hairs in your ears that detect sound or whatever.
i'm trying to think of what usually makes me happy no matter what. i'm not even turned on by anything whatsoever right now. and that's very unusual i'm turned on/horny/rarin' to go 24 hours a day seven days a week. i just think about something and it's like BOOM. but i don't even get that way when i think about him right now. i just wanna see him. see him a few inches from my face.
i want to watch a really sad movie. so i have a reason to let tears out. do you ever get that way? i mean, i'm such a crier, and i haven't cried for any reason in forever. and sometimes you get like a build up of tears, that are just there. for no apparent reason. no reason at all, it's just there and it needs to be emptied. and you don't want to just cry over nothing, so watching a good sad movie should do it. i need to watch Armageddon. but it's like midnight. i don't really have time to watch a movie now do i. this chair fuckin squeaks. i need to be outside. i need to be one with nature for a bit. my lips are so fuckin chapped too. it sucksssss.

so i need to put my phone in between my legs cuz when i put it on my desk it vibrates and makes a loud racket, so there it is, in between my thighs on my lap, and i don't even get anything out of the vibrations every couple minutes. haha. i need to read a book. books are always good. and if you have a good one, i might just cry. i've cried at books before. it's weird though, i don't really finish books. like, i'll read it. it'll be boring at first like they all are for me, i'll get into it, and then i'll just stop reading it. there's this one book, The Pilot's Wife (Oprah's Book CLub WOOHOO), and i still have to finish that it's been almost a year. i read half of that book called Night (Oprah's Book CLub WOOHOO), the one about the concentration camps and stuff. written by Elie Wiesel. who experienced concentration camps first hand. he must have some major tear build up. unless he cries often. having lost your family in such a harsh way, and to live your life, thinking about it everyday.. i'd never get over it. i'd never be able to get over it. it would be like a bad break-up, and your next boyfriend is sadness. you'd spend all your time with sadness, kissing it, possibly making love to it.. only creating even more sadness which is never good.
or maybe you could do what he actually did, and did something awesome with his life and wrote a million books or a number somewhere around there, and he's a University professor. like wow. that takes courage.

i've decided i'm going to be a designer of some sort. possibly Interior Design.. or Visual Communications. i think it'll be fun, 'cause i have to take Art History for those too.. and i think i'd like that.

i get moments where i lose hearing in one ear, my vision is distorted, not extremely, but like... i get dizzy sort of, i get the feeling i get after i smoke, and i get almost a nauseous feeling. and it's weird. and then i think outside myself. and i'll write him back, and not realize what i've written until after i've sent it. and i'm afraid i said something dumb, but when i look at my outbox, what i wrote makes perfect sense, and it's written exactly the way i feel it. i asked him "what's wrong", and he said "nothing, it just seems like there's something wrong with you lol.."

there is something wrong. i'm just not happy. i don't know why. maybe it's time i dated sleep, and made babies with sleep, but i look at the time, it's 11:56, what's the point, if i really wanted to wake up refreshed tomorrow morning i'd need to go to sleep at ten or something. i might as well stay up, and let him come see me. i only have to wait another hour and a half..

this fucking playlist sucks ass.

i wish i knew what was going on. or maybe all this shittiness (yes, i said shittiness, it's so much more than suckiness, you must realize this difference), is because i'm supposed to that stupid monthly thing tomorrow. FUCKING GAY I SAY.

i go on strike. for what you ask? for being a mood swingy girl, that's what.

hook2

the game of pick up sticks played by fucking lunatics

hook

So what if I want to kiss
From your toes up to your lips

sentimentals

- i'm going to regret being a ballet dancer when i'm older. my ballet teacer, Ms. Crystal, is close to being broken. sometimes watching her makes my joints hurt. i'm pretty scared i'm not gonna lie. and everytime i go on pointe, i can feel my bones slowly deteriorating.
cool hey

-kay so i strongly disagree with the ten commandments. sure i may be sounding really naive and dumb. and i guess they're cool to a certain extent, and maybe i just think this way because of what my religion teacher says, but if the ten commandments are the requirements to go to heaven then we're all pretty much doomed to hell. know how i know? because i'm pretty sure everyone on this Earth has had dirty thoughts. and guess what, one of the ten commandments forbids that. so in lamest terms, i'm ending up in the depths of the depths of hell. because that's pretty much the ingredients of my brain.

- everytime i type brain, i write brian and i hafta delete it. but the thought of Brian never leaves my mind.
sucky hey

-going to Italy with my brother and my cousin this summer. who can't wait? I CAN'T. this is gonna be the first time i go there in two consecutive years. i am actually so fucking excited. i miss it so much. and my brother wants to go back to Cinque Terre. last time we went there and we did two of the four hikes. one of them was like 3 hours, the other one was the Lover's Walk. and then there's two other ones. one is like 5 hours or something, but it started raining so we didn't do it. it's funny, we look at pictures from that, us four as a family, red-faced, my dad without his shirt on haha, my brother carrying the knapsacks, my dad's binoculurs around his neck, my mom carrying her camera. then there's me, my hair up in this bun, my glasses on, wearing a white halter top and a white skirt. carrying a walking stick. haha. it makes me laugh. just everything about that place, is so familiar. and i love seeing all that there is to see. i'm so lucky to have been able to experience all this, and i am so grateful all the time. i mean, there's nowhere else i would rather be. i feel so at home, sometimes i feel more at home there than i do here. i would give anything to be in that car with my mom in the front, my uncle driving, me and the two beautiful little cousins sleeping on me in the back. i remember just listening to my music.. looking out the window... seeing the fields upon fields of sunflowers.. thinking "this is Tuscany. this is Tuscany. i am on a road trip from Torino, through Tuscany, to Rome." i mean, who ever gets the chance to say or even think that?! i just miss it so much. the feeling i miss most is sitting at the edge of the water of Lago di Tovel. we go there every time, take the walk around the lake.. it's just amazing. and the feeling i get is just.. i don't even know the words to describe it.
i mean, i go there and i realize what life is all about. i realize what it means to have fun. i realize how amazing it is to communicate and make friends with people of a completely different culture. i remember, i went there when i was 14, i had just finished grade 8. i reunited with all my friends there, and we hung out all the time and everything, and i remember going into grade 9, and just being amazed at how easy it was to make friends. grade 9 was the year i broke out of my shell. definitely. i guess we take advantage of how easy it is to communicate with people. it's not until you don't have the language in common that you realize how easy it is..
and this summer, to go there with my brother.. it'll be amazing. we'll go everywhere. i mean, i went with my brother when i was 10, just me and him, but that's not the same. now we're older, i'll be going into grade twelve, he'll be a graduate from University, and we're gonna party hard, travel lots, take tons of pictures, meet lots of people, laugh.. and just make a ton of memories. fuck. i'm getting sentimental. i'll stop now.

- so my cousin Francesco, he's my dad's brother's son, also known as a disrespectful prick who UGH. makes me angry. ..long story, my dad and his brother don't talk anymore. 'cause he's a fucking money stealer and alcoholic. anyways, Francesco, he's 18, and dropped out of school and shit. by the way he lives in Italy.. so yeah, he got into a car accident. the car flipped over and skidded and did everything a car could possibly do and then he smashed into a stone wall. fucking dummie. ends up in the hospital with a few broken vertebrae.

- so Joe was about to come last night. like, it was so close to happening. i was sitting there, with the plan in my head, i had my shoes in my hand, my coat over my arm, pockets filled with a tin packed with 3 cigarettes, a lighter and kleenex to stop it from clanking around. had my keys just in case, my mitts, my cell phone up my sleeve, my ipod in my ear and in my pouch. it was about 12:15 or so, about the time he was supposed to call to tell me he was on his way. calls me up and tells me he can't come. because something happened. but WOW. it's the closest we've ever gotten haha. my legs are pretty nicely shaven though, since i shaved them everyday this weekend 'cause we planned for me to sneak out every single night haha. we have a different plan for next time though. hopefully it goes the way it's planned.

- so me and Leigha are gonna get magnetic nipple rings so that our boobs will be drawn together when in close contact. 'cause, you know, our nipples are in close contact almost.. all the time.

- getting a Brazilian with Stephanie and Britnee before December 9. i kinda can't wait. i'm pretty excited to see if i have a high pain tolerance or not. for some reason i think i do. i can take ANY pain. pffft.

- i got 18/40 on my social test today. it's all your fault, blog. fuuuuuuck. i almost cried.

- saw Joe today at lunch today for the first time in like 2 weeks. and yeah.. he was sweet today.. 'cause i usually end up going to class after in a bad mood. but this time i wasn't =)

- so in math i sit by Breanne now. a way better pertner than Brenden. definitely. me and her are like twins i swear.. lmao. Brenden even said that. we're fabulous. =)

- i'd probably do better in a self-taught social class. seriously. my social teacher sucks major ass munches.

- i'm feelings pretty good right now. minus anything to do with school.

- my brother's girlfriend is pretty cool. she's pretty too. we had this big dinner yesterday for my aunt and uncle's 46th anniversary. she came. she's funny haha. i completely approve. it's weird. my brother never has girlfriends. he never has time. it's cool that he found someone he could make time for though. he's probably a good boyfriend too. i mean, just the way he is with people. he's really generous, and patient. and he's funny. like, he laughs at my jokes. and it makes me feel good about myself. and he doesn't treat me like a little sister, he treats me like i'm one of his friends. he's not like embarrassed to take me places where his friends are gonna be. his friends are pretty cool. some are slightly attractive as well.. ahem. but yeah, sometimes i don't see him for weeks. and when i do he's always like "OH LOOK IT'S MY LITTLE SISTER CHRISTINE! COME HERE AND GIVE YOUR BIG BROTHER A HUG" lmao. and then i'm like "you're weird" and i make it all awkward. i have this scrunched up look on my face and have to bite my tongue before i give him a hug. but deep down i love him. i love having an older brother like him.

- it just makes me mad when he doesn't reply to my text messages.

- so life's good. just like that cell phone commercial for LG or whatever. school's the only downer. and even with that i'm being a mix of ignorant and positive. in Social, i can always bring my mark up with big projects he gives us 'cause i do shitty on his tests, but Social's not really my worst subject. Biology i'm doing fairly well, always room for improvement, but i'm above 80.. i think, and that's all that really matters. Religion, we're having a Moses test on thursday which i can study for and get good on to bring my 67 up. PLUS, i think i'm the only one who actually did their 10 hours of service so far haha. Math, last time i checked i brought it up one percent to 71%, and it still a ways to go since i got 90% on this one worksheet that he still had to add. and i have a test Friday that i will study hard for to make my mommy proud. and i'll do good and my world will finally be filled with lollipops, unicorns and rainbows. i love my mom.

- well since this is dragging on, i would like to say sorry for all the sentimentalities. lol.

together

You and me forever
We belong together
And we'll always endeavor
Throughout any type of weather

You want everything to be just like
The stories that you read but never write
You gotta learn to live and live and learn
You gotta learn to give and wait your turn
Or you'll get burned

You wrote our names down on the sidewalk
The rain came and washed 'em offS
o we should write 'em again on wet cement
So maybe people a long time from now will know what we meant

You want every morning to be just like
The stories that you read but never write
You gotta learn to live and live and learn
You gotta learn to give and wait your turn
My only concern

I'm adding something new to the mixture
So there's a different hue to your picture
A different ending to this fairytale
When the sunset into which we sail

You want everything to be just like
The stories that you read but you can't write
You gotta learn to live and live and learn
You gotta learn to give and wait your turn
Or you'll get burned

poor guys

why does everyone hate the dentist??

i don't like it or hate it. it really has no effect on me whatsoever. i just feel bad for them.
to go through all those years of schooling, just to be hated.

this is for me, not you

so yeah. i read Nicole's blog. and i realized me and her have the total opposite problem. she can't find anything she likes to do when she's older. and i have too much to pick from. here's any job that i have ever considered:

1. teacher - ever since i was a kid, i always liked playing school. my mom thinks i would be a good teacher. i don't want to be one.. but sometimes when i look deep down, i can see myself doing this. and having fun.
2. chemist - when i was a kid, i loved taking creams and powders and perfumes and i loved mixing them together to see what happened. and i pretended to make my own hand creams and such.
3. graphic designer - i love computers. and i love design. what could be better?
4. art historian - anything to do with art history. i found this out this summer. when i think about it it's really appealing. my cousin, she's a personologist (she helps people with career choices and marital problems), she told me i would love art history.
5. psychologist - i love the way the brain works. and i love human behaviour. and thought processes. i also love listening to people's problems, and trying to fix them.
6. fashion designer - i love fooling around with clothes. i used to make my own purses out of old pants. i love fashion and i love designing it. the only thing in my way, my drawing incapabilites. but i always wanted to be the one to make Zellers cool, 'cause that's where my clothes would probably be sold. haha
7. interior designer - i used to love Trading Spaces. and even when i was a kid, i changed my room around constantly. i love arranging space, and creating a new feel to an area. i also would absolutely go insane in Ikea.
8. magazine editor - i love magazines. and i love writing. what could be better?
9. website designer - i love computers. and just like interior design, i love to create a new feel to a space. and a website is most definitely a space. i just love deciding color schemes and pictures.
10. photographer - i like capturing beauty in ordinary things. and my photographer uncle has inspired me so much.
11. writer - i think you can figure out the reasoning behind this one on your own.
12. dermatologist - i've thought about this before. i think it would be a mix between a chemist, and having something to do with cosmetology. two things i clearly love.
13. spa owner - i would love to be an owner of some kind of cosmetology place. like a spa, or a salon. it would be great.
14. business person - i think it would be cool to be the owner of anything. just look at Donald Trump. the only thing in my way, is the fact that my brother said the Marketing course and Business course's are really dry.
15. receptionist - i always pretended i was one when i played on the computer and such. talking to people, booking appointment, answering phones. sounds fun. also sounds repetitive.
16. personal shopper - sounds fun and idealistic. almost too idealistic. but i love putting things together for people and making them feel good about themselves.

i thought long and hard about all these. i love all of them, but i always see myself sucking majorly at all of them.. =(

dinner table lingo

hullo. my brother is going to see the new James Bond downtown tonight. my parent's are probably going out to my aunt's place. and i'm gonna be here. doing any of the following: 1. play video games 2. watch movies 3. go on computer 4. start studying social for once.

all are very likely except number 4. it would be ideal, but everything thats good for me, i usually subconsciously avoid.
i am so paranoid when i listen to my music loud. i'm always worried someone's gonna call me from outside my room and i won't be able to hear them. and then my mom will spaz. and practically break down my door 'cause it's always locked. well, actually, things used to work that way. now she just calls my cell phone.

i realized something sad. my family is really distant. like, really. i'm always in my room, my brother's never home, my dad's always outside, and my mom's always in the living room/kitchen. and we rarely talk. like, we do. we have dinner together usually, and that's when it's nicest. we usually have debates about stuff. for example, tonight everyone was here including my brother. and the news was on, and it was something about George Bush. and my brother started talking about how stupid he is. and here's how our conversation went:
Christine: why does everyone hate George Bush? it's stupid. it's like the new fad to hate George Bush.
Daniel: what do you know. do you know how many mistakes he's made?
Christine: first of all, he's a president. and that's probably hard enough without people bashing him left, right and center. plus, i'm sure you would make a few mistakes if you were a president too. there's always gonna be people who disagree with decisions made. (i really sounded like i knew what i was talking about).
Daniel: ok, that's true, but he keeps making the same mistakes over and over.
Christine: thats not true.
Daniel: ok, since you seem to know so much about what's going on in US government, prove your case.
Christine: umm.. well.. he's probably got, like, a ton of pressure on him.. i'm sure you'd mess up too a couple times.
Daniel: so you have no proof?
Christine: no. well, yes i do. i do have proof. it's called human nature. people tend to mess up when a lot of pressure is put on them.

...and so on. of course, Daniel ended up winning. simply because he's older. and i know nothing of the world around us haha. then we all had a big conversation on what my brother's going to do for his 21st birthday.
Mom: so what are you planning to do for your birthday?
Christine: yeah, it's a Saturday.
Daniel: i dunno. probably nothing.
Christine: that's the way to go.
Mom: are you sure? we could order pizza, i could make chicken wings and you could have some people over if you want.
Daniel: yes! of course. it'll be just like in junior high.
*Christine and Daniel roll eyes at each other*
Christine: you're gonna be 21. YOU'LL BE LEGAL IN THE STATES!
Mom: so what ar you gonna do?
Christine: no, see, this is what has to happen. we'll invite like 200 people, shove them in the basement. serve some alcohol. get everyone drunk. possibly sell some Ecstacty pills...
Mom: yeah. ok.

wow. we actually discussed a ton of stuff at the dinner table. my brother left first, even after i pleaded him to stay seated and share every detail of his life with us, just like my mother was asking. and then she got mad at me.

but anyways. my parents just left. OMG. you know what that means?? i'm home alone. and it's Friday night. ..

and do you know what Friday nights by myself mean??
no, nothing rated R.

i'll just be back in a secondddddd. HA. what a coincidence. the song playing on my computer right now is Jealous of Your Cigarette. wow. i love you, computer.

spice girls

Holler - http://youtube.com/watch?v=2bGqoY7H2Vc&mode=related&search= Goodbye - http://youtube.com/watch?v=2bGqoY7H2Vc&mode=related&search= woooooow. love them. so. much.

career day

so today was seriously the biggest waste of time that i have ever wasted my time on.
i went to Career Day. went to the Hairstyling session. the Psychologist session. and the Lawyer session. and to be quite honest, i almost fell asleep, and if i learned one thing today, it's that i am a lazy fuck and i'm probably going nowhere in life. i mean, the stuff they talked about was just like. wow. i don't think i can do all that. i mean, i'm sitting in this desk, listening to this lady talk about Hairstyling. and she was tlaking about getting your Hairdressing license and all that. and i just sat there thinking how fucked over i would feel if i went through all that, just to suck ass at doing other people's hair. it scares me. like, maybe it's 'cause i'm still learning, but i wouldn't be confident enough to cut someone else's hair. i don't know. just thinking about what i have to do to get there scares me. i'm not a very outgoing person, and just to think about all this stuff. it's just so overwhelming. me and Leigha were in the gym looking at University displays. and i turned to her and asked "why are they doing this to us?". i think she said something along the lines of "why not?". she clearly doesn't understand. i mean, holy shit. i have no fucking clue what i want to do with my life. and today i felt the pressure big time. we had to pick three different career paths. and that to me screamed "pick three fucking career choices and soak up the information you learn or you'll go nowhere in life." and today was simply a big waste of time.
the only thing that affected me in a positive way was the motivational speaker at the beginning. he started my day off really well. he had to be one of the funniest, most amazing people i have ever met. he doesn't have any arms, and he apparently has chubby toes, according to his piano teacher who refused to teach him. he was really good though. i mean, he did exactly what motivational speakers are supposed to do. motivate people. i felt motivated by the end of his speech. i felt like i could take on the world. i felt unstoppable, like i could do anything.

and that;s where the problem lies. there's just too much i think i could do. and i can't just narrow it down to one. i can't put my finger on one thing, and stick with it for the rest of my life. i would hate to be one of those people who choose the wrong career, and have to go back to school to find out the thing they really were meant to do. the thing they really were meant to do on this planet. and then i think of all the other things in this world that i have yet to discover, and it's just so overwhelming i might break out into a cold sweat.
but back onto the topic of having too many things i think i could do, i also think i'm not adequate enough for those things. i picture myself doing that profession, and i just see myself sucking major ass at it. and not getting anywhere with it. why does it have to be so easy for everyone else? like, to live with a brother who's got everything going for him.. its just frustrating. he graduates this year with a degree in Industrial Design. and he's known what he wanted to do since he was a kid. something with drawing. he was born with this amazing talent for drawing and art.. and creativity. and then i was born with nothing extra special. i've never had any immense interest in anything but things that will get me nowhere in life. liike writing in this fucking blog. look at how much time i spend, just writing about how fucking gay life can be towards you. maybe i should do something with computers. but i wanna do something with cosmetology. but i also wanna do something in fashion. but i wanna do something that deals with human behaviour. but i also wanna do something with writing.

i have come to the conclusion that i am one of those all over the place people. we took a quiz in the psychologist session, and me and Nicole laughed at our results. i ended with 54 (Dr.Phil's score was 55, and Oprah's was 38). Nicole had like 43 or something like that. but you know what it said for me? it said i am bold, andventrous, and impulsive. it also said people love being around me because i radiate excitement. and i did not understand that one bit. I HATE QUIZZES. i always get so caught up in what i'm choosing, because i usually apply to more than one thing. and then i end up thinking the final result isn't accurate, leaving me with no more knowledge about myself than what i had before i did the quiz. and when he was scrolling through all the other scores, i honeslty could have fit perfectly in any of those. including the "boring person" one. because i am boring sometimes. it's just who i am. but then again, who the fuck am i. i don't know, and i wish i did, and i usually don't worry about finding out who i am because i'm still young, and that's why i hated career day, because it aroused all these questions about myself that i would rather not ask myself becuase i know i'll start worrying and overthink and over react and over exaggerate and i'll break into hives.

i am fucked. now leave me alone..

FFS STFU

you know what get's on my nerves? people who just can;t shut the fuck up. like, seriously. just 'cause you sit next to me in class, doesn't mean you have to keep talking my ear off. about the same shit. about me. and how you hate smokers. ok, i get it. you don't like smokers, you think it's disgusting. i let you express your opinion without arguing. but you don't have to fucking keep talking about it. like holy shit. and you're such an arrogant fuck. and dumb as fuck, too. people like you get on my nerves. and even though you always say you're joking, it get's fucking annoying i'm not gonna lie. everything that fuckin comes out of your mouth annoys the shit out of me. even if you're fucking joking. stop fucking joking around, 'cause you're still talking and your voice is annoying and no one fucking cares about how good you can rap.

FFS STFU.

so on a totally unrelated topic, every night... i wake up and find the need to wiggle my arm around so i can get some blood flow in it. i don't know why.. maybe it's because i sleep on a couch, but every night, i lose circulation in my arm, and it hurts like a bitch 'cause i can't feel anything and it grosses me out and i can't even fucking lift it up. it's like a dead fish or something. i hope i don't lose circulation in it completely...

and speaking of dead fish, Cole put me over his shoulder again today at lunch. and he told me it would be easier if i wasn't squirming like a dead fish. i can't help it. that's my first reaction. it's the second time he's done it, and this time, i wasn't squirming uncontrollably, i was just kicking my legs uncontrollably. which resulted in a foot in Jeff's face.. almost. lol

so i guess i'm going to explore my future career choices tomorrow at school. i thought i was going to be doing some tending to my raging hormones (by meeting Joe), but i guess my future is more important. haha just kidding, he can't meet me tomorrow. so i have no choice but to figure out what to do with my life. aren't you glad to know my priorities are straight??

looks aren't everything

Nicole, just because he isn't physically satisying, doesn't mean he's not hot. he's incredibly talented. and watching him do what he loves doing, and what he's best at, makes him physically and sexually appealing.
he's amazingly good. even when looks aren't everything.

matt cameron

watching him play makes me hot.
like woooooooooooooooooooooow.
Pearl Jam's lucky to have him.

wow i am awesome

"merci beacoup
je comprend rien
que tu as juste dit
mais merci
je pense que
tu peut traduire
tout ca si tu veux
mais si non
je t'aime beaucoup mon petite phoque
J'espere que un jour on va aller
a Antartica ;) <3>

kay wow. i am awesome. i understood everything she wrote in that comment.
thanks a lot. i didn't understand a thing you just said but thanks. i think you could translate everything if you want but if not, i love you lots my little seal (took me a while to remember what the fuck phoque was haha).
and then she wrote something like, she hopes one day we go to Antartica.

haha. i love being able to understand other languages. and to know that French since grade 4 isn't a complete waste of my time afterall.

and guess what, i took a two hour nap today which was delightful. AND i did all my homework for once.

this day is just dandy

happy hour

Sei già dentro l'happy hour - vivere vivere costa la metà - quanto costa fare finta di essere una star?
Sei già dentro l'happy hour - vivere vivere solo la metà e la vita che non spendi che interessi avrà?

inadequance of creativity

Sometimes its black
Sometimes its white
Sometimes he's wrong
Sometimes i'm right
Sometimes we talk about it or we figure it out
But then i just changed my mind
Sometimes he's hot
Sometimes i'm cold
Sometimes my head wants to explode
But when i think about it i'm so in like with him
Every other time

i actually thought really hard of what to replace that second last line with. but i really couldn't come up with anything. and i hate it when people say they're in "like". it sounds gay. and it's just gay. so excuse my inadequance of creativity.

hey nicole

hey Nicole, YOU KNOW WHATS COOL!? my last entry was posted at 9:11

freaky hey

it's apple-y

i just realized. i actually wrote something today. and it made some sense.

and i also did Nicole's blog layout.
i think it's pretty... apple-y. it's 'cause i've got talent.

girls shave their armpits

So I am in communications. I went to bed at 2:30 last night. I was fully aware that I was only going to get 4 hours of sleep, so I went to bed with the mind-set of paranoia. I did not want to wake up late this morning. So I had that thought in mind, so during the few hours of sleep which I would be more comfortable calling a nap, I woke up every hour. Thinking it was already 6:30. I woke up at like 4:37 once. And some other times too. all because I was afraid I would not hear my alarm clock, and end up sleeping in really late, resulting in me looking like a fruckin scrub once again. Today I actually put some effort into my look. Holy shit I almost sneezed.
Do you ever get that, your nose gets tingly, and your face scrunches up, but you don’t sneeze, and then you look like a faggot. Anyways.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I think our mind’s work subconsciously. They’re like iPods. Your iPod’s clock is till going long after you turn it off. And I’ve always wondered how that worked. How whenever you turn it on, it’s always got the right time. It’s the weirdest thing.
I’m listening to Pearl Jam. I haven’t listened to them in a very long time. And it got me excited, because I got pumped up, and I thought Pearl Jam lost that effect on me. I feel like going home, and watching the Matt Cam part of the Pearl Jam dvd. Matt Cameron is the drummer. And he is so good. Wow. I love just watching him play. It’s probably the sweetest thing ever.

Fuckkk. I was gonna say something else. I forgot.

I sent Chris a text message this morning, cuz we usually say good morning and such, but this time I was like “hey Chris guess what. Girls shave their armpits” ‘cause it grosses him out for some reason. Maybe he likes his women hairy. I just remembered that he actually reads this. So hello CHRISSY-POO. =)

I just talked to Will for a bit. We’re going to get a donair at lunch =)

Oh yeah, I remembered what I was gonna talk about before. It’s the weirdest thing. I feel extremely nauseous at odd times in the day. For no reason at all. It’s not like I’m pregnant or anything, ‘cause I’m still a virgin haha. But it’s weird, last night, I was planning to talk to Joe like all night, and at 2:15 I started feeling really nauseous. Like, I felt like I actually had to go throw up or semething. It was really odd though ‘cause it never felt as bad as it did last night. And then I thought, maybe I’m hungry. But I try to avoid eating after 7, which sometimes doesn’t work, but I still try. So I didn’t eat anything last night. and I dunno. It sucks.

Do you ever feel contradicting feelings?? Like.. you physically feel sick, or pain, but you’re in an awesome mental and emotional state, like you couldn’t be happier? Hmm.. well, that’s what I feel like sometimes. I’m so happy, yet I feel so shitty ‘cause I feel sick.

Hmmmm…

a perfectionist

ok. so i have realized. when i'm gonna do something. i usually wanna do it perfectly. depending on what it is.

i'm so determined. to be, like, the best.

the best.. ever.

that would be awesome.

hmmmm.......

a public affair.

so yeah. i don't know what to write. i never know what to write.
so yeah.
hmmmmm.

me and Tanner talked about Peter North. and Heather (she's the famous ideepthroat girl haha). it was so funny. 'cause i mentioned Peter North. and he was like "how do you know who he is!?"


:blush: haha.. welll. thats a long story... that started in grade 7 LMAO.
he laughed. and then we high-fived. haha.
that's the only thing i really remember about today. there were other highlights.. but those are not to be shared on something so public such as this. wow. listen to the Usher song "That's What It's Made For". it's really sexual. like VERY SEXUAL.

i'm sorry, Usher, but your sexual experiences should not be made a public affair.
now Jessica Simpson came to mind. i shall be going now. and leave you with yet another shitty entry haha.
i'm sorry

fifty

i'm so fuckin dumb. my speakers weren't busted. they just work better WHEN PLUGGED IN. fuck i'm so dumb.


ugh.

i'm quite proud i lasted this long thinking they were broken though. HA

i'm sorry b

breanna, i finally know how you felt. and i finally know how i made you feel. i said sorry at the time. but this time i mean it. i mean it with my whole entire heart.

do you ever want to talk about something to someone, but you have no words. you have blank words, but a full mind.

songbird

Talkin to the songbird yesterday
Flew me to a place not far away
She's a little pilot in my mind
Singin songs of love to pass the time
Gonna write a song so she can see
Give her all the love she gives to me
Talk of better days that have yet to come
Never felt this love from anyone

She's not anyone
She's not anyone
She's not anyone

A man can never dream these kind of things
Especially when she came and spread her wings
Whisper in my ear the things I'd like
Then she flew away into the night
Gonna write a song so she can see
Give her all the love she gives to me
Talk of better days that have yet to come
Never felt this love from anyone


i have nothing to fucking say.
and i'm sorry you have a superior love life with a guy who cares.
i have a shitty one. sure. but i like it. so stop criticizing.

i'm fucking sick of it.

like vines we intertwined

In a field outside of town we could always be alone
Carry a blanket maybe a basket - and that's it
Innocence was the key I was locked up never free
Until you turned me
Like vines we intertwined
Carelessly growing up and growing old
Life was on our tongues
And it tasted heavenly so good
I wake up and I feel alone
I was just asleep
Right where I belong
Inside this sad, sad song
I knew this was a dream it was too good to be true
And the coincidences were a bit much too
Who wants to wake up?
Who wants to lose it?
Who wants to live in this place?
I wake up and I feel alone
I was just asleep
Right where I belong
Inside this sad, sad song
Blankets here keep me from cold
Holding tightly my pillows
Frantically searching for her
Inside my head she's somewhere
She is somewhere

diarios de motocicleta

one. amazing. movie. every. single. time.

"Let the world change you... and you can change the world"
-The Motorcycle Diaries is based on the journals of Che Guevara, leader of the Cuban Revolution. In his memoirs, Guevara recounts adventures he, and best friend Alberto Granado, had while crossing South America by motorcycle in the early 1950s.

seriously amazing quotes:
Ernesto Guevara de la Serna
"How is it possible to feel nostalgia for a world I never knew?"
"You gotta fight for every breath and tell death to go to hell"
"This isn't a tale of heroic feats. It's about two lives running parallel for a while, with common aspirations and similar dreams. Wandering around our America has changed me more than I thought. I am not me any more. At least I'm not the same me I was."

he's real swell

i have nothing to say. but i did re-do my MySpace layout. check it out.

and i talked to him on the phone every single night this week. he's real swell

pablo cifuentes

he was my best friend in junior high. he moved middle of Grade 9 to Montreal. we left each other on bad terms and i can't remember why. wow but i miss him. we talk ocassionally on msn. but it's not the same. we had so much fun. passing notes during class. the name of his future soccer team.. The Winners.. so that even when they lost, they'd still be the winners. wow.

aww. we always had this deal, that when he was taller and we were in high school, we'd date each other. haha funniest kid everrr. whom i dearly miss

wild child

by Enya.

Ever close your eyes
ever stop and listen
ever feel alive
and you've nothing missing
you don't need a reason
let the day go on and on
Let the rain fall down
everywhere around you
give into it now
let the day surround you
you don't need a reason
let the rain go on
Only take the time
from the helter skelter
every day you find
everything's in kilter
you don't need a reason
let the day go on and on
Every summer sun
every winter evening
every spring to come
every autumn leaving
you don't need a reason
let it all go on and on

--it's download-worthy. trust me

haha we're cool

__________________________________________________ __________

Stephanie: what does it feel like? does it hurt or does it actually feel good?

Christine and Nicole: well .. it's like a little elastic *demonstrates with fingers*

passerby: *giving funny look*

Stephanie: you don't wanna know

__________________________________________________ __________

Stephanie: did you know that when you go pee then hold it and then pee and then hold it you strenthgen your muscles down there and it makes your orgasms more pleasurable?

Nicole: what?!

Christine: heyy I told you that!

Stephanie: I know, I was just informing Nicole __________________________________________________ __________

brussel sprouts

you know whats gay. when your in class, and you're eating something, but you're hiding it and once someone sees that you're eating something, they immediately ask you for some. like wtf. you don't even know what i'm eating. what if i'm eating brussel sprouts? would you still fucking like some?

consistantly inconsistant

Ho hum. I’m in communications right now and I am sorry for writing nothing of nutritional value yesterday. My hair is an absolute mess today and I am quite proud that it doesn’t look absolutely horrible as well. I am tired. I went to bed at 12:30 last night. The night before that I went to bed at 1:30 and the night before that I went to bed at 1:30 again. I’ve never talked to him this much on the phone before. We never talk for 3 nights in a row. Hmm it’s ok. We have interesting conversations so all is well. I just went to say hi to William. He’s one of Leigha’s friends. He seems pretty funny. Cole just walked by. I was telling Joe last night, how Cole mooning me and covering me in snow is a common reocurrance, and yet he can’t even say hi to me in the hallway. I’ll look at him and he’s always pretty zoned out and he never says anything. Yet when lunch rolls by he always there to show me his ass, or push me in the snow. Well, today I’m gonna chill with Nicole. Something I’m actually good at.

I have nothing to do this block.

So do you ever have this outlook on something.. like, an impression of something.. or a pretense or fear os something. And in such little time, those pretenses are gone. You feel totally different from what you thought before. You look at it differently. And it doesn’t appear to be as scary anymore.

I think I cut my bangs too short. But they’re actually kinda cool. Oh, did I tell you I cut my hair last week.. myself? Lol. Yeah. NOW I’m gonna grow it out. Because I am actually getting so bummed over the fact that I actually cut my hair off this summer.

Me and Joe talked about wrestling last night. And wow, an old lady just walked by the communications lab. Anyways, we talked about wrestling. I used to watch wrestling when I was in grade 3. I loved it so much. My favorites were Rey Mysterio Jr and Goldberg/ I always got so excited when Goldberg would do his spear thing. WOW I was on the edge of my seat. I miss it =( . I wish I could watch wrestling like I used to. I hated Kevin Nash though. And his long blonde hair. And Ric Flair LIKE OMG. Ric Flair can die. With his red face and platinum hair. And his name. wow. That’s gotta be the gayest wrestling name ever. Nature Boy? Sounds threatening if you ask me……
Joe said his favorite wrestler was Cain. Until he took his mask lol. I’m so jealous. He actually got to see wrestling LIVE. That would be so cool. I don’t care if WWE is fake or whatever. it used to be my The OC when I was 9. it was just a billion times more hardcore drama.

Aaaaanyways. I don’t know what to write. Except that I am excited for Friday. For a few reasons. No school being one of them.

Yesterday I had a talk with my mother. About school. And life. I don’t know. sometimes she makes the most sense out of everybody I know. I know I feel like punching her in the face sometimes, but I loveher. She’s smart. And I’m just a dumb teenager that thinks she knows everything and everything. I dunno. My mom’s smart. And she knows what she’s talking about most of the time.
Huuummmmmmmmm, mmkay
Well I am tired. and I wish I was laying in bed. Or on my couch. Some company wouldn’t be bad too. Hmm…

0% interest

listening to Jason mraz makes me feel giddy in a toned down way. you know who's really good? and actually talented? Enya. like wow. she's amazing.

i need to sit in the dark for awhile. so i shall return soon. why did i ever cut off all my long hair?

:(

waxed eyebrows

So I’m in communications and my space bar doesn’t workvery efficiently. So there’s this gym teacher at my school. He was just in the computer lab. And I swear his eyebrows are waxed.thats so weird. For guys to wax their eyebrows.. I don’t even get my eyebrows waxed :P but yeah. This person in Nicole’s class overheard us talking in the hallway this morning. I asked her whothe guy was, but shedidn’t know his name.I DON’T GET IT.it’s been two months. How do you not know the name’s of the people in your class. Maybe Nicole’s just dumb.

wanna lose weight? MASTURBATE!

mmkai. i just got back from dance, and i should be studying for Social, but i can do that tomorrow. during Communications. right before i have the test. ugh. i hate tests. HONEST TO GOD.
anyways, i got kicked out of ballet today. along with Sam, Lauren and Ashley. it was.. uhh. odd. like fuck, usually i can be anti-social in ballet, everyone will be chit-chatting, and i'll just be anti-social 'cause i have bad days more often than good days. today i was having a good day (only a select few know whyyyyy haha), so i was more chatty. and i got my ass fkn kicked out. we talked to her after. and all is well now. but wow.

I HATE BALLET CHOREOGRAPHY. i mean, i hate to sound like i know everything, but i just don't like the way she does it. everything is so choppy. like, group one, then group 2, and then group 3. and i mean, sure, it's cool at times, BUT NOT FOR THE WHOLE DANCE. dance's are powerful when everyone gets together and does the same thing at the same time. THATS when the audience is taken aback in their seats and say "wow". ugh. PLUS, my dance class is with a bunch of new people i don't really know. the only people i know are Danelle, Chelsea, Dina, and Lauren. the rest are new. and it's so, like, quiet. Ms. Katy's showing us what to do, and she'll tell us to take it from the top, and i get so frustrated cuz nobody ever says anything. so i'll just be like "com'on guys we can SO do this" in a joking way.. and they laugh. and i mean, it's cool and all. i guess we all just need to get to know each other. cause i think that;s real important in a group. to get along and work as a team. thats just my view on that subject and i am determined to break the ice. yes, that is my job. ice breaker. and to add to that, our dance is going to be gay again. i mean, it's all the fucking same thing. it's so.........................monotone. monotonous. i want something different. without classical music. something actually inspiring.. something that will actually make me feel something inside myself (not physically OF COURSE.. but emotionally/spiritually/mentally/all the other "..ally's" that matter)

after dance, there's this girl, she's 20, and she's in the class after me, and she got engaged LAST NIGHT. can you believe that!? i mean, wow. congratulations and all, but if i was 20 and someone proposed to me.. i'd probably break out in hives or some shit. i'd be like WHOA HORSEY. even if it was someone i'd been with for a year and half. it's just incredible. that's a huge decision. i mean, agreeing to that is like agreeing to be committed to this person for the rest of your time on this planet Earth. and i don't see me doing that at 20 fucking years old. i don't know. i know it's odd for a 16 year old (17 in 80 days!!!) to be saying this, but marriage scares me. like seriously. i think everything about adulthood scares me. i'm afraid to grow up. when things really matter. when you get old. i mean, once i'm 18, can't i be that age forever? i don't wanna get old. i wanna have this body 'til i'm 70. and i wanna have my energy 'til i'm 70. and i wanna live carefree 'til i'm 70. i don't wanna pay bills. i don't wanna deal with adult stuff. fuck. i think i wanna pull a "Tuck Everlasting" haha.

but then again, i wanna be an old lady. i wanna be a grandma with tons of laugh lines. and i want grandkids who i can bake brownies for. and slip money into their pockets. i just wanna skip the marriage, and having kids, and being an adult part. your parents die when you're an adult. when you're an elder, you've gotten over it already. i don't know. maybe i'm having a mid-teenage-life crisis. i just don't wanna be 16 anymore. I HATE BEING SIXTEEN. IT'S FUCKING GAY. i want these 80 days to go by fast. like.. superhero fast.

oh yeah. at lunch today. Cole totally pushed me into the snow. and it was fucking cold. but we have a plan to play in the snow tomorrow at lunch. and i kinda can't waiiiiiiit

so today i told Leigha a true story. and she happened to say "lose weight? MASTURBATE!" right after and fuck. i laughed for a lot of miinutes... :blush: haha. you know whats suprising? i only had Subway today. in the whole fuckin day. and i'm not even hungry...... :blush: haha

i love her. she makes my day. i would take a bullet for her in a second. better to have her pretty face on this Earth than mine haha. and i would so take a bullet for Nicole too. =)

the drug deal

me and Nicole had a drug deal this morning. these are the messages she sent me (i deleted the ones i sent her) :
"meet at my locker at 08 00 hours i've got the stuff"
"did you bring the cash?"
"ok meet at the pre determined location at that time i'll see you then over and out"
"i hate the top"
"you're a whore"

oh wait. the last two have nothing to do with our drug deal.. you can just forget about those ones :blush:

but yeah. i am proud to announce that our drug deal was a success. i have her ghetto computer mouse sitting safely on my desk as i type.

it is calling my name. i shall write later.

i love them

hmm. then again.

i love pizza. and i love ice cream. and i love the color turquoise.
but i doubt i'd take a bullet for either of those.

lets talk about sex baby

when is it the right time?
i mean, it's all i've been thinking about lately. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. when is it the right time? after 6 months? after a year? should you be able to tell the person you love them and mean it? 'cause nowadays, i don't think loving the person or not really matters. and that's the sad thing. i don't love him. i wouldn't take a bullet for him. but when do you know that you love someone? do you just wake up one morning and know. i mean, i've said it to boyfriends in the past. but the funny thing is, i don't talk to them anymore. i'm not close with them anymore. i've never been in love, although i thought it at the time. so how do you know when you truly love someone? and do you have to be attached to them in every way in order to love them? and then i think.. does loving them really matter? and then i smack myself for even questioning that because of course it matters! you don't want to do it, and then feel empty and feel like scum afterwards. you want to know that that person is still gonna be there after. you want to know that just because you've done it with that person, it's not the end and they're not gonna be gone just like that. it's kind of like this. say you have a project in biology or something. and you want to get honours. the teacher gives you the criteria for passing. well, if honours is having sex, then what's the criteria? what do you need to have and do and be to do it? i'm sure it's different for everyone. and that's where things get complicated. say your criteria involves being able to say that you love the person and mean it and you must be in a working relationship with the person.. but what if the other persons criteria is different? they don't need all that to do it with someone. then i think.. if it was the right time and the right person, then it shouldn't be this hard. it should be the easiest decision, right?

requiem for a dream

my new favorite movie. i watched it last night with Daniel. it was... amazing.

"The hopes and dreams of four ambitious people are shattered when their drug addictions begin spiraling out of control"

Sara Goldfarg: "I'm somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they'll all like me. I'll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It's a reason to get up in the morning. It's a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It's a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right. What have I got Harry, hm? Why should I even make the bed, or wash the dishes? I do them, but why should I? I'm alone. Your father's gone, you're gone. I got no one to care for. What have I got, Harry? I'm lonely. I'm old."

i have nothing to say

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes
He doesnt look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

my mother took the mouse away. so i am unable to use the computer. making me unable to write entries that hold some reason within them. so i have nothing to say in such little time

jb

have i mentioned i love James Blunt with my whole entire heart?

my brother got me the t-shirt. and i got 3 voice messages from the concert.

i got butterflies he was that good.

wow. i love him.

tears and rain

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

ilu

fuck i'm sorry. i love you.

i now know the difference

fuck man. i now finally know the difference. i used to think i was emo. in the "emotional" way. feeling and experiencing emotions all the time. i now know the difference. i've changed. i don't know when it happened. or how it happened. but it happened. and i realized it this second.
when i got sad or depressed over something. i used to not want to be better. i used to want to stay depressed for a long time. deep down i enjoyed listening to depressing songs and sitting there criticising myself and others who had hurt me. i used to want a reason to throw pens at my wall. i used to want everyone else to sense something was wrong. i used to want to blow things out of proportion ( well, i still do that at times but hey that's just how i am haha), and fucking cry about it. i notice the change in my old blog. sometimes i read my old stuff and i'm embarrassed that shit came out of my mouth. i hate that real deep writing. when you're trying so hard, too hard, to find out what you're purpose in life is. i fucking hate that. i used to talk about being "silently upset", well you know what, that entry was fucking gay ass. i can't believe some of that shit was conceived in my own cerebellum. and that's how i know i've changed. i hate reading my old stuff sometimes. my favorite entries are the ones when i talk about my day, random things i've noticed, and the ones where i crack jokes. those make me laugh. the other shitty emo "trying to find my purpose in life" entries fucking make me wanna smash my head open against the floor. LIFE IS OVERRATED. don't fucking talk about it anymore. the good writing sessions for me are when i talk about real shit. stuff that happened to me in my day. what i did during the day. the fucking guy at the bus stop too. what Leigha said to me the other day. that stuff makes my day.
fuck. i hate deep shit.
*huge ass sigh*
i think we make too big a deal of things sometimes. i mean, my entry called "perfectly well". i admit, it was pretty good. but who fucking cares! i mean, who honestly reads all that shit. if this wasn't my own blog, i woulda read half of that and then got frustrated and closed the window. FUCK.

when i'm sad and depressed now, i fucking turn on some good music and do something about it. i jump around. i pretend to brush it off until it's actually brushed off. i think GO WITH THE FLOW. i think i'm a fuckin 16 year old drama queen who'se fucking being gay and feeling depressed about shit that doesn't even matter in the end. i think i'm a fucking 16 year old who still has a whole lifetime to get depressed about REAL shit. sure, you feel like the biggest pile of shit at the moment, but fast forward a year from that moment, 2 years even. you're gonna be embarrassed for even getting so down about something that doesn't even matter. i mean, there's bigger things in life to get depressed about. and you know what's even better!? there's bigger things in life to get fucking excited about too. just like when my mom took my cell phone away. and grounded me for two months. i took it like a mature human being for once. of course i was bitter for about an hour, but after, i thought maybe now i can spend some quality time with my mom. perfect opportunity to get along with her. it's about time i fuckin got rid of my cell phone for awhile anyways. it's all i think about. and today i got home and gave her my phone without even her asking and getting mad about it. i've finally realized what it means to be a civilized mature person. when i fucking screw up in life, i take responsibility for it. even if i think it's way unfair, it's her decision. and if her standards are too high, i should make mine higher. i'm 16 and yeah i think i know everything sometimes but that's backfired in my face plenty of times before. and maybe it's time i start learning. i'm an adult in 2 years. a fucking adult. i better start fucking acting like one. i'm rambling on i know that. but i'm on a roll and i don't wanna stop here. UGH.

then there;s those people who say they've been through shit in their life and that's why they're allowed to be depressed. well, you know what? i met someone last year. i got to know him better this year. and he's been through hell in his lifetime. way worse than anything i've heard so far. and yet, he still has fun and doesn't dread on the past. and i fuckin respect that. i know that if i had to go through what he has, i probably would've been dead by now. and even though those things have made him rougher and harder, and maybe he doesn't have the best habits and manners but he's so strong. and i've learned a lot from him. i haven't ever told him that. i actually haven't really talked to him in a few days. but he's become important to me in the past two months...

i dunno. this world is fucking fucked up. i know i've said that plenty times before and maybe my rambling just made it that much more clear for me. people just need to chill out sometimes, and i know i'm probably the last person that should be saying that, but it's true. people have to look at their situations from a different perspective. step outside their bodies and really look at what's happening around them. there's a whole world out there.. why focus on something that won't matter in a few months?

i dunno. as Leigha said in her new blog, that's just what i think.

a true h.core fan

kay. first off i want to say i am a true h.core fan of The OC. i mean, sure, there's all those people that LOVE IT SO MUCH. but then there's me. i exceed that. no joke. i've been watching it since August 4, 2003. the day it first aired on CTV. i even remember clearly like it was yesterday how it went. and how it ended. it ended with a white door. Ryan closing the door to his old house. closing the door to his old life. and i remember there was also a payphone in that episode. when he used it to call Sandy. and guess what? i haven't even watched it since August 4, 2003. i've seen every episode. never missed one. i love all their soundtracks, and that show introduced me to two bands that i am now proud to call my favorite (The Subways and The Killers). and i even remember specific songs from episodes. i remember the one where it was raining, it started with a view of the ocean and the weather on the radio playing. and in the background No Rain by Blind Melon was playing. then there was the Graduation party one. a song by Lady Sovereign was playing in that one. then there's the Hallelujah song of course that was played on a Chrismukkah episode. then there was a version of Wonderwall in one of them. and then there was the episode when Trey was leaving on a bus and Champagne Supernova by Oasis was playing. and like OMG. i am just like. absolutely in love with that show. and i remember exactly how every season ended. the first one ended with Seth leaving on his sailboat, the second ended with Trey getting shot and the third ended with Marissa dying. i cried for every finale too. and just. holy shit. i get so fucking into that show it's not even good. i even got a lot of my friends into the show (Breanna and Marcy can justify to that) even after they said it was GAY. *sigh*

by the way, this entry is just to confirm that i am a true hard core fan of The OC. and always will be. and also to confirm that i am THE biggest nerd ever

the orange county

OH MY FUCKING GOD. WHY IS THE OC SO FUCKING GOOD.
i mean, it always has everything perfect. like, i get sooooo into it
it's amazing.
i finished watching it like 5 minutes ago not even. and like
wow.

just wow.
i fucking almost had a seizure at the end of the show because they had a song by FUCKING KEANE.
i mean HOW MUCH MORE AWESOME CAN YOU GET.
Keane is like one of my fucking favorite bands man. OMG


i am actually in love with a tv show.
and i am so totally not crazy.

fucking gay i say

i dunno man. i'm pretty cold. and frustrated. i came home and watched 30 minutes of The OC. i had to stop because some guy for our heating system came over and talks so fuckin loud that i just stopped watching and came here. OMG IT'S AMAZING. i've forgotten how much i missed The OC. it's ridonkulous. i got to watch 20 minutes of it with my brother. he seemed pretty done. he had just woken up. and he was wearing my ITALIA sweatshirt which i love so much but i didn't bug him about it because he seemed dead. then after 20 minutes he said he was going to the gym. and then i found out he's going to see James Blunt tonight with some chick. AND I BECAME FURIOUS. i fucking love James Blunt with my whole entire heart. i told him he better get me a t-shirt. i don't care if a James Blunt t-shirt is gay, I WANT ONE. he said he'd get me one. UGH he's so lucky. like seriously. he gets to go to all these crazy cool concerts and i;ve never even been to one. fucking gay i say. haha. i remember his first concert was Oasis in Vancouver. he got me a t-shirt. his second was The Strokes. he got me a t-shirt. his third was The Raconteurs in Vancouver. he got me a t-shirt. his fourth was Tool. he got me a t-shirt. then he was security at a Bedouin Soundclash concert. he didn't get me shit from that except jealousy when he said he got to talk to the lead singer who was pretty cool. UGH. and now he gets to see James Blunt!? this is madness. MADNESS I TELL YOU

i love him no matter what though

a common reoccurance

don't ever live in "what if's". don't ever say "what if". don't even think "what if". WHAT IF'S ARE BAD FOR YOU.

my mother took my cell phone away. i can only take it to school and that's it. is that the biggest piece of shitty information you've ever heard or what? yes. indeed it is.


fuck that. honestly. actually, i don't even care. i used to cry and beg so much and so hard when she took my cell phone away. when she took it this time i was like TAKE IT BITCH. actually no. i turned it off and took out the battery pack (so she can't snoop), and told her to leave me alone. then later tonight i went and gave her and my dad a huge handful of candy. because i'm such a sweetheart of a daughter. i hope when and if i have a kid, i have a kid like me. i think it would be really sweet to have a daughter like me. actually i take that back. i'd be a shitty daughter to raise i'm not gonna lie. that's why i'm so scared of my mom. she could kick the shit out of me if i ever do anything dumb. i respect her for that. i respect people who can kick the shit out of me. why? well, so they don't kick the shit out of me obviously. i dunnnnno. my parents are cool i guess. i can't believe i'm saying that after my mother grounded me for two months and took my cellphone indefinitely. it's just a common reoccurence around here. the yelling. the screaming. the fighting. the slamming of doors. the grounding. the UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHS. and the pen throwing. and the dad coming in and asking what the hell i'm doing throwing pens at my wall. HEY, you know what. give me a break. my brother has posters up in his room that are covering holes in the wall from when he punched them. i can't see my brother punching anything. i can't see him hurting anything actually. except me. well not even me to be honest. he's like the best thing ever. he's my best friend who's related to me. i haven't seen him in a fkn week. i don't even know where he is half the time. he better be here tomorrow. so we can watch the oc together. that's another common reoccurance. yup. it's THE OC TOMORROW and guess who's watching it? me of course. i'm practically sweating bricks im so excited (something Brenden would totally say). HES RIDICULOUS

wow

nicole just sent me a text message and she was like "you blogging?"


.. i have social after this =(

like honestly

Heyyy I’m in communications at the moment. And I’m eating Swedish berries. I just chilled with Nicole for 10 minutes before classes started. And she was a fag and was being real dumb again. I put up with it though because she has problems. Bruuuuuuuuuum brummmmmmm. I’m kinda tired. a lot actually. I almost fell asleep on the bus. You know how when you’re really warm and you close your eyes and you can’t seem to open them anymore. It’s horrible. Absolutely horrible. I wanna stop time like in Click and just nap. Has anyone noticed that that movie Is really dumb? Like, it’s a good movie, but the things he uses the remote for are just dumb. I wouldn’t use it on things that would get me farther in life, I would use it for sleep. And like things that you can’t do without getting sent to jail. I’d stop time and steal alcohol and stuff. And I’d stop time and walk into movies and start it again when I’m in the theater. Like HONESTLY. I wouldn’t use it to skip memorable moments in life. Like HONESTLY. Haha. I’m so tired. and ugh. And ugh. I just wanna go home. Or see Nicole so she can make me laugh or else I’d die. ‘cause I’m so tired. The OC starts tomorrow. I am so excited. I don’t know what to say. I always get things in my head and I always say I hafta write about it, but I always forget and it’s real stuff that would actually be so cool to write about. And read about. Do you ever just daze off looking at something, but you’re not really looking at it ‘cause you’re just thinking intently not paying attention to what it is that you’re looking at. That happens to me sometimes, but I end up looking at a person. And I don’t know I’m staring at them. And then I come back down to earth and realize I’m staring at a person who is now giving me dirty looks. And then I feel like a fag. Errrr I want someone to text me. I’m so bored. I’m listening to the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. ittsfknSWEET.
So people are getting so lazy. 22 people came to Nicole’s house last night., isn’t that horrible? Like HONESTLY. North America is getting so lazyyyyy. Me and Nicole were talking about it the other day. She was like “you know, every invention came out of being lazy.” And it’s true to some extent. But what about machinery? Like, machinery for construction. And building bridges. Like when they build bridges and try to get the big column under water and stuff it’s supposed to be real dangerous or something. Well, used to. Until new inventions came out. So I don’t think inventions are crated out of laziness. Some are invented strictly to prevent danger. But then there’s always those inventions created for pleasure. Like Nicole’s dildo…