i was at school and in the hallway by the library there was a table set up and they were selling styrofoam cups of green juice. they were drugged but i can't remember if i was aware of it or not. i bought one. and then i drank it. i was with Alyssa at her locker when everything started getting blurry and things were in slow motion. people's conversations were dulled and dragging on.

and then i woke up 10 minutes late and i stumbled around and ran into the coffee table, and then ran into my couch until i finally made it into my closet.

what the hell kind of a dream is that.

on the news there was this lady talking about this huge fire she was in and how she lost everything.
i barely paid attention and later thought that if i was her, i wouldn't want to be interviewed just to be half-watched by fortunate families eating their dinner of shrimp pasta.

when i finish this post, i am going to read my posts one year ago and see exactly when i snuck out of the house with Joe.

I took a quiz on Facebook called "Which Entourage character are you?"

I'm Ari Gold. i love him. i miss him. i miss that show.

What Type of Chick Am I?

Down to earth Chick

Sometimes you can be a complete mystery but over all you are down to earth. You are smart and you have a great personality. People are attracted to you but you are careful about who you let into your life. You don't ask for a lot out of relationships but you do expect respect, honesty,trust, and values.

i am so bored!

i didn't know butterflies came out in the winter time. but they did.

i get to spend time with my cousin from Calgary tonight YES
this weekend we're going out for my brother and mother's birthday YES
snowboarding this weekend YES
there's snow on the ground YES
it's almost Christmas YES
diploma's are soon.

i'm not sure what it is, but i enjoy being alone.

most of the time, i enjoy sitting on my bed with Boots curled up beside me while i study and do my homework. i get this feeling of accomplishment, like the cloud over my head is gone.

it's like the time of day i can be myself.

i know there's probably no one out there who likes study time like i do.

recent days have been filled with reconciliations, reunions.

Nicole wants me to write more so she can read more. i have found an unusual niche in my life right now, that involves me being the most reasonable and responsible that i have ever been.

it's an odd personality change.

possible reasons for this change:
- last year of high school
- the real world next year, when none of this will matter
- my brother's speeches on how i should just buckle down this year and get through this bull shit

my social life is at a critical low this year, and i couldn't be happier. there probably is something wrong with me.

"People probably think i'm this emotional philosophical mess due to all my journal writing. People like myself should never be given the opportunity to analyze and figure out their feelings. Especially publicly."
by me.

when i'm awake, i might as well be sleeping. i'm becoming more and more speechless, but i'm fine with it.

if i don't plan to do something i most likely will do it, but it seems when i plan to do something, my subconscious does everything possible to avoid it.

i have to think about it for a fleeting second and forget about it, then walk a block in my house until i sit down comfortably in a temporary oasis and decide upon heads and tails in my mind, making both heads and tails the exact same thing, whichever i choose, which ultimately doesn't really matter, i should spontaneously do, although a period of time ago, i thought about it for a fleeting second.

that's how i should live my life, because if i plan to do dreadful things like studying, i will never do them.. unless i use the Fleeting Second method. if i plan things i love to do, as you all know, i will do them.


i don't speak English, i speak non-sense after long periods of study time.

i need to seriously buckle down or hell is going to freeze over.

i am confined to my house, school, work and the gym for the next few months and i'm happy about it. i am almost 18, and it's about time i focus on important things in life.

7 week until Diploma exams. i just need to suck it up and get my 80's and forget about everything else. friends, my social life, and fun are not nearly as important as my studies right now. i just need to get through this bull shit so i can get to the really good stuff next year. i just need to keep going and study my brains out.

i talked to Fernando Pisani yesterday, of course i didn't know it was him until Mitch told me it was later on. this was our conversation:

C: Hi, welcome to Second Cup what can we get for you?
FP: Hi, do you have any banana nut muffins left?
C: Give me a second, i'll go check.
...
C: we don't right now, sorry.
FP: do you have walnut muffins?
C: we have morning glory muffins, which have pieces of walnut on top
FP: does it have other nuts?
C: ya it does
FP: ok, i'll take two of those, and a small hot chocolate
C: did you want whip cream on that?
FP: no thanks
C: ok see you at the window.


OMG I KNOW