panic! at the disco

Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

what it actually is: testosterone boys and harlequin girls
what i thought it is: testosterone boys and butt ugly girls

don't ask
haha

palm sunday on a saturday

8:25 in the morning.
it's when you come out of those dreams slowly. i've been feeling sick lately. like i'm on the verge of throwing up or something. i lied, i'm not. i haven't felt like that since school. i don't remember my dream but it had models in it. it seemed the more i looked at the models the more i felt like throwing up. of course, it wasn't the models fault, but it was my stomach's fault. so i got up and shivered. my mom didn't give me sympathy, talking about my eating habits late at night.
i was in the washroom and i forgot i hadn't washed my face from the night before. i hate days off for that reason. i hate feeling sick like throwing up. i work myself up for it so much. and i hate if people worry about it because then i tune into my worriness which makes it worse. it's just a horrible experience that leaves me on the bathroom floor breathing the bad thoughts of throwing up out of my head. yup

i get things done when there's more to do. oh goodness there's always those people who annoy you to death.

i've been holding back a lot. with my brother's girlfriend reading this on occasion, Jordan reading, friends reading. it's no wonder my blog consists of a day to day itinerary without much depth.

oh well.

i watched I Shot Andy Warhol tonight. i love it when people smoke in the movies. the actress who played Valerie Solanas (chick who shot AW) had a cigarette in every scene. she was never without one i can assure you. at first it was like "wow that's amazing", but by the end of the movie i felt so frustrated i could up-chuck if she smoked another.

i went to church today for Palm Sunday. i played with the palms. tore little strings from them and twirled them in my finger at a fast pace. i imagine it would look incredible when under the influence. i don't know if i can use that phrase if it doesn't include driving. i wanted to video tape it. you know when you twirl something or move something really fast, you can see the remainder of it, i wonder if you could catch that on video tape.

i twirled it around. i did minimal work for a crazy amount of twirl-age. and i shaped the ends so that when i twirled it it resembled a vase or something of the sort.

will ferrell day

Jordan came over today.
went to see Blades of Glory. very very funny
watched SNL Best of Will Ferrell. 1 and half DVD's. very very funny

end of story.
i can't wait for Snow Patrol. my brother better get me wasted.

if you can see nipples, it's couture

alright, so i didn't write yesterday. all i did pretty much was do my religion and go to a fashion show with Tyler and Breanne.
it was pretty good. there was this one line Degage, they had really sweet music and good flashy clothes. i told Heather today that if you can see nipples, you know it's couture. 'cause sometimes you can see through their shirts and such.
so yeah, today i worked on my religion 35, almost done my second book, i have like 20 pages left. i'm pretty happy 'cause the second book is the hugest of them all.
Heather came at like 6 30, we ate some supper and then we went to Planet Ze. she's really good to talk to and i felt like it was a good bonding experience, even though its really cheesy to think about. usually she's always with my brother but this was just us two. it was really fun. and there's this model that i honestly think is so gorgeous. she was in the show i saw last night, and she was in this one tonight twice. when she walks she has this slight wave to her head. it's really sweet. i stared at her face more than her clothes. that's bad isn't it ? i mean, models are supposed to be modelling the clothes, it should be all about the clothes. they can't smile or anything, but it's funny. they wear all this intense make-up, crazy hair, and they're usually beautiful people, so how would the people be able to focus on the clothing when the model is like all dolled up and stuff.
anyways
after the show, Heather drove us to Avenue Pizza where my drunken brother was along with Jonathon and some girl named Natalie. it was pretty cool, because i didn't even get ID'ed. so i ended up with a huge glass of Kokanee Gold in front of me. i had a couple sips and then Heather took it away haha.

SNOW PATROL IS IN 11 DAYS MAN
i can't even wait

and tomorrow Jordan's coming over and then we're gonna go see Blades of Glory starring Will Ferrel and John Heder.
should be much much fun =)

hakuna matata

so according to my religion 35 course that i'm taking through Fresh Start, i had to take this quiz on http://selectsmart.com/philosophy/

and i agree 100% with Jean-Paul Sartre, and 90% with John Stuart Mill.

so according to this quiz, i agree with the following:

Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
-When we choose something, we affirm the value of our choice because we have chosen it above other choices
-When we choose something for ourselves, we should choose it for all people.
-We must be consistent in our interpretations of moral situations regardless of whom the agent is.
-Logic cannot help us specific situations
-Making conscious moral choices is more significant than consistently following moral guidelines
-The conflict between the interests of two people is in the end, irresolvable

Mill, John Stuart (1806-1873)
-The Utilitarian principle is correct when the quality of pleasures is accounted for
-Liberty is the most important pleasure

i think i'll stick with Hakuna Matata

pfftyeahright

i slept over at Breanne's last night. it was pretty crazy.

first my mom dropped me off at Mt. Fuji, where they were closing, so me and Breanne had some sushi (she works there) and i got to meet her co-workers.

sushi ? it was alright. it was pretty good, but there's no way i could eat that much.

we stopped by Sobey's, but Tyler wasn't working so we walked home.

at her house, i put in her extensions. THEY ARE SO SWEET. i've never worn extensions before, and it was the most amazing thing because i miss my long hair so bad =(

anyways, still wearing the extensions, her mom took us to rent some movies and buy candy.

we bought candy. lots of it.

i have to work out double now, and eat nothing for three days.

pffftyeahright.

we rented Hard Candy, Stranger Than Fiction, and Sherry Baby. we watched Hard Candy first, she fell asleep midway, i watched the whole thing. one of the most messed up movies ever. i didn't really like it. but i liked the visuals. they had nice colors and it looked like it could have been an independent film, but Lions Gate did it. the guys apartment was really sweet. really contemporary.

fucked up plot though.

today we watched Stranger Than Fiction. my mom picked me up at 4, so i couldn't really finish watching it, but what i did see was really sweet. too bad i couldn't see it all.

i think i might apply at Second Cup in the near future. the one in Namao.

fashion week in Edmonton

so i was originally going to go to Betsy Johnson fashion show on thursday with Breanne, but she has a birthday party to go to, so we're going to go on a different day.

but Heather wanted to go to Betsy Johnson, so she's gonna take me with her =)

i'm so excited now. Jamie said Betsy Johnson is one of the better ones

silver fox

so on Facebook, there's this group called "O'Leary Grads"
i went to it, and i looked at the comments. there's this guy who graduated from there in 2000
and he was talking about Silver Fox.


LAUGH MY FUCKING ASS OFF
that's what we all call our librarian because she has silver hair. i dunno where the fox thing comes in.
but i think it's pretty damn funny how she's taken on this nickname for all these years haha

they file shit

woke up at 10:45 this morning in my brother's room. we were watching The Devil Wears Prada, he was kinda working and i was laying there and i fell asleep. then my mom called me a slob the next day because i fell asleep in the shirt i wore that day.
i got ready and ate lunch and stuff. went to Breanna's at 1:30. i love her and i know i always will. we won't talk for like 6 months, and when we start talking it's like nothing's changed. it always picked up where it was left. and that's what i love. we think the same, exactly the same. sometimes it's gotten us into fights where we bump heads, but it's never affected us too much. 'cept for those elementary times, but those are just funny things to laugh about now. she's just a really amazing person, and my constant.

we talked for like an hour or so, well it seemed as so, because we talked about so much. then we went to the bus stop, waited for like 20 minutes, and moved to a different bus stop to be faster. we went to City Center and had pasta. then we checked out the library, but it was closed, and then we got Second Cup.
we called Bus Link to see what bus we need to take to get to North Edmonton Cinema's. after asking for directions to this bus stop, we waited for an hour outside. walking inside, and then walking outside again from fear that we'd miss the bus if we weren't waiting there. pure joy filled my heart when the bus came at 6:15. we made a pretty cool dance while waiting, i'll admit that much. and fuck it was so funny. we were by the Bell building. and this is what happened:

Christine: geez. thats such a huge building. i mean, there's probably a billion people who work there. like how much shit can there possibly be to do just for one company.
Breanna: i dunno. File shit ?
Christine: we sound like a bunch of teenagers.

went to the movies. had free passes so we saw Premonition. saw Melissa there as well. she gave us our tickets. she's one of my brothers friends. then we saw Jordan, and Breanna finally got to meet one of my .. i don't know how what to call him because he's not my boyfriend but pretty close, but she never gets to meet my boyfriends so it was cool that she did this time. after the movie, her boyfriend Travis picked us up at like 9. he graduated from Eastglen last year so he knows a lot of my friends that used to go there. he calls me the Infamous Heartbreaker, or the girl who shattered Robert's soul because i broke up with him a year and some ago and they saw him cry in the bathroom haha.

anyways, so we went to Travis' house to pick up some movies. went to Breanna's and my mom picked me up at 10. it was a really sweet day. hopefully i'll figure out bus routes so i can go to her house more often. i gotta figure a lot of bus routes out, because i'd be able to go to so many places.

tomorrow i'm sleeping over at Breanne's house and we're going to see this indie film called Monkey Warfare. it should be sweet.

=)

ohm

this morning i sat in Italian class and stared at the white board. isn't it weird that when i was in elementary, we had chalk boards? like i thought about it and it's weird. when im older and i have kids they're all gonna be like "you're so old. i can't believe you had chalk boards in school. ew"
haha
i feel like old or something. ancient maybe.

i went to dance afterwards. we did some relaxation. it's horrible. when she does relaxation she makes us breathe out and say "OHHHHHHMMMMMMMMM" like you see in movies and such. and i just can't contain myself everytime. i just think we sound like a bunch of zombies. and it doesnt help that we're all sitting in the dark and when Lauren looks at me and she's laughing too, it's just.. so hard to not laugh.

after, i went home and watched Miss USA Pageant 2007. Tenessee won, i knew it. my favorite was Rhode Island, she was first runner up. she was so damn pretty. like actually. Nevada was pretty too. i hated the blonde ones though. they're all so fake and such. they look stupid lol.

then i went with my brother to run some errands. we went to Kingsway for like 30 minutes to pick up his glasses. first time i went to Kingsway since April 14, 2006 haha.

then we went to wash his car. we vacuumed it and everything. it felt so clean. i felt so clean and refreshed and it's not even my car.

then we went to Home Depot to get some stuff for his project. we were looking at cables, and there were chains right next to them were chains. i really wanted to buy a piece of chain to make a really cool belt with. damn. i'm poor though. i cacn't use my debit without being scared it won't approve. i'm not even kidding. it happened to me once and now i'm scared every time.

then i came home starving. warmed up some seafood pasta, and had a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup. YES. it's so goooooood.

and now i'm here.
and now i'm gone.

perfume

amazing movie. incredible cinematography. really really good use of colors and lighting. one of my new favorite movies BY FAR.

331

as i sat in psychology this morning, i didn't think i would ever live to hear the bell ring. it was the longest class ever. we watched Black Diamond in English, compliments of Breanne, and in French we watched the french version of Taxi. unfortunately, i now see french men as greasy people with a constant glisten on their faces of a mixture of sweat and grease. sick. close-ups definitely not needed.

went home, i watched Finding Nemo and almost fell asleep. then i just kind of did nothing. im not really sure. cleaned my room and changed the decor. the cover on my couch is now an off-white, and the bed cover is a shimmery gold, i cleaned out my closet, put the clothes i don't wear in a garbage bag (and kept it lol) and i put my new found clothes in the drawers neatly.

i recently raided my mom's closet, and found a lot of neat stuff.

i got some pictures of Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick, and some swimsuit models amidst the lake water and put them on a black background and put them on my wall.

i always keep the farthest wall blank though. there's two reasons for that: 1) it makes the room look bigger when it doesn't have anything on it 2) it's hard to put stuff on it without making it crooked

i only have my rosary's hanging at the far right.

Breanne's in Red Deer, Alyssa's in Europe, Jordan's working. on Sunday i'm going to Beverly to see Breanna. Monday i'm going to see an indie film with Breanne. sometime next week i'm going to go to Edmonton Fashion Week with Breanne and possibly Tyler and Kari.

i'm just happy it's Spring Break. more time to work out and sleep and see friends =)

equally balanced

today was pretty alright. i went to school, had cosmetology first, where Tracy sprayed my legs with self tanner, and when i put my feet on the ground to get up, i nearly fell on my ass because the floor was all slippery and orange with self-tanner. GROSS I KNOW, and all over the bottom of my shoes as well. she's really sweet. i've known her since grade eight i think.

i've come to realize that when i was in junior high, everyone had these circles of friends that i didn't fit into.. because i went to a different elementary than all of them, but now in high school, i feel as if i have that group of friends, you know ? it's just my mentality right now, it's kind of difficult to explain.

i worked out today with Selena and Amanda. entered at 3:06, RIGHT after i finished writing a near impossible chemistry test. and i left at 3:56. it used to be so hard to stay in the work out room for even 20 minutes, but now it's a breeze. it's a lot of fun and it doesn't feel like a chore anymore. except it got frustrating as Selena was helping me on my abs, and it was really hard and all Amanda could do is sit there and make commentary here and there. which made me laugh. which therefore made the ab work outs almost impossible to do.

it definitely feels good after. i feel so healthy and just lollipops. then i came home and watched the rest of Dodgeball lol. then i had a massive headache, and i fell asleep and woke up to Lauren's text messaging. and then my mom talked to me about my marks. she didn't yell. it was weird. it's safe to say that she actually talked.

then i had a yogurt.

today in French, i was texting. stupid me, i got a funny message so i had this big smile on my face and Mr F was like "put that away right now". he's moved me so much in that class and now i sit right in front of his podium. i still manage to converse with those around me and text message. anyways, then he went on about the logics of students and text messaging. and how once they're hands aren't on the desk, suspision rises. and then i was like "well my hands are always on my lap." and he said "it doesnt matter." and i was like "well i've been text messaging this whole class and you haven't noticed" STUPID ME.
he took my phone away. luckily, i got it back at the end of class. but honestly, why would i ever say such a stupid thing. then there's Sabrina in the back laughing the loudest of all of them and she's like "oh my God Christine."

it was all good fun. until he said he's going to request an interview. NOOOOOOO

it's time to be sweet Christine and beg Mr F to give me mercy and forgiveness.

ps. old blog and this blog are now equally balanced

cinzano mixing style

my english teacher said that a student once asked her how come stories are always so negative.. they always end depressing.

she said that it's because if everything was always happy, there would be no reason to write. stories are so good and inspiring because they're negative. it wouldn't have the same impact on the audience if it was all happy and lollipops.

and i'm guessing that's how come my blog isn't really what it used to be. i get angry from time to time, but i avoid complaining too much. i'm pretty sure, no, i KNOW my blog entries are boring, because i'm not picking out all the crappy things in life, i just tell of the funny minor events that happen from day to day. and at this point in time, that's all i really need.

yay

YAY I REMEMBERED. Entourage starts in due time <3333333


lmao

this ordeal

ps.

DAMNIT. i had so much to say and i forgot it all. now watch, i'll post this and close everything and then i'll remember exactly what i wanted to say.

my brain is such a difficult force to reckon with.

lately i've been saying phrases i don't even know make sense, but they sound quite alright so i don't really take too much interest in this ordeal.

i'll have you know

i will have you know that in 5 posts, i will have the same number of posts as i do in my old blog. i will also have you know that, yes, i do realize i haven't written in a couple days. and yes, i will have you know that my brain is spilling.

i went to Fresh Start today and handed in my first module. i am now 1/3 finished Religion 35, how glorious. me and Breanne ate Chinese food within the hour i had to wait fro Fresh Start to open. Mr Adamoski shook my hand after, and wished me a happy spring break, and the sad thing is, i didn't actually shake his hand because he was too "slick" for me. how sad hey, an old balding man who shaves his legs is too slick for ME.

i got my chemistry test back today and i got EIGHTY SEVEN PERCENT. how pro am i seriously. i would say quite a bit. i also wrote an essay today throughout lunch. it was good. last night, me and my mom finished watching the movie, and we discussed it for like two hours. she always brings up the best points, and she's a very deep person... always says something my brain can linger on for a while, and she gave me some great things to say in my essay. we had to write it on The Crucible. thing is, i didn't really see the greatness of this play until my mom talked it over with me. all of a sudden, i was so involved in it and i felt real anger towards how IGNORANT AND STUPID human beings can be. like, it just doesn't click in my brain, how all this deceit could be going on right under their noses. they must know, of course they know, but everyone is just so busy being weak-willed and big fucking babies that they don't do anything.

does this make any sense to you ? they used to throw women in a lake. if she drowned, that meant she was human, but if she didn;t drown, that mean she was a witch, meaning they killed her anyways. HONEST TO GOD MAN, you would think after some time that everyone they question is dying no matter what. it just gets to me ya know. i feel very strongly about this.

i worked out yesterday. it's quite funny to be honest, Amanda couldn't work out because she lost a shoe, so i was like alright then, i guess i gotta work out on my own. so i get to the work out room and Melissa is there. she was doing totally different things than me, but still, it seems whenever i'm going to do something by myself, i always bump into someone i know. same thing with the library. i go there sometimes to work on homework and whatnot, but someone always seems to join me and i never get anything done.

Alyssa leaves for Europe soon. Breanne's going to Red Deer this weekend. Jordan got a job at the cineplex and works a lot next week. yes, it's spring break next week. i am so jubilant for this matter because well, it's spring break. who isn't. .. .. i actually have no real reason to be excited. i'm gonna see if i could possibly maybe go to Red Deer with Breanne this weekend to stay with her brother.

America's Next Top Model tonight ? and going for an hour run to work off that greasy chinese food ? I THINK YES. i'll talk to you when i feel the time is right.

the hills

i just watched the whole first season of The Hills on mtv.ca

and i loved every second of it

wowie

i haven't spoken to him in two days and it sucks.
how will i survive when he leaves this country for 15 days
AHHHHH

hours on end

alright so this is my final say for the day since all the other ones i've written were just really ..

so i wrote my Psychology test and i got 90% on it, and i also got my Chemistry test back and i got 90% on it.
i feel fucking good when that happens.

i talked to Joe on msn until almost midnight last night. i really miss that guy. we actually talked about life and stuff. hmmph, i just wish i saw him more often. a few days ago he said sorry for not keeping in touch, with his phone not working and all.

i really just want to just go crazy with stuff. do you ever feel so passionate about something, you think it's the coolest thing and you could look into it for hours, you could soak it all up, you could look at it from above below right left or diagonally... and never get bored of it. never ever. i just want to get to that spot in life.

i want to rent all those old movies starring Audrey Hepburn and James Dean. and i wanna watch those movies directed by Andy Warhol. he was so eccentric. i would die just to meet him in heaven, it feels sometimes. i just wanna like have a conversation with him because the way his gears turn seem so interesting, no one is like him and the stuff he did was just, so weird and regular that it was cool. he filmed his friend sleeping for like seven hours, and he made a film on couples kissing. just regular stuff people don't notice every single day. i find that people are so caught up in being different, when being average and regular would be regarded as different, as intriguing almost.

i just love the world and all the people in it, and the different thoughts people conjure.

i'm clausterphobic. when i was a kid i could never hide under the bed because i was always scared i might get stuck or it would collapse on me. i feel like that sometimes. i just wanna be like him. so bad so bad. i want to be famous so bad.

i wanna do something everyone will think about for hours on end, wondering how come they didn't come up with that.

just like how i feel with Andy.

need to be said

although politics should never be discussed, i would like to voice my opinion as of late.

why does everyone hate Bush ? i mean, he's only human.. a president for fuck sakes, he's got a lot of pressure on him, he doesn't need people bashing him left right and center for every mistake he makes on top of the national issues he already has to take care of. i'd love to see every anti-Bush believer be president of the united states of fucking america.

to add, because im really hyped up on this issue is that what else is Bush supposed to do? in the middle east, they're brian washed to believe that suicide bombing and terrorist attacks are an honourably thingso whats he going to do, sit there and do nothing while his country is in potential danger?and its not only him who decides these things. it has to go through approval through the senate and so on.and if there was a next world power, it would be China. everything's made in China, they even have man power.and it was recent when there was a drop in the stock market in China for some reason or anotherand it affected the stock market in Europe, New York and other important places in the world.

there is only one thing i wish: that Al Gore was president and did something to change the way we treat the place we call home

Nan your a window shopper

Get up in the morning and you like your tea milkyYou fumble for your glasses coz without em you cant seeIts funny how I come round your house and im 20And I still have to wear all the presents you sent meI walk into your kitchen everything’s got a labelYou done your Christmas shopping and we're only in AprilAnd you wont leave your house unless your wearing your thermalsYour covered all in cat hair and your stinking like StrepsilsYour heading down the Bowls ClubHave another orange squashBowls are rollin rollin rollinYou cant walk right coz things aren’t what they wereYour ankles are swollen swollen swollen

Taking a look but you never buy Nan you’re a window shopper You wont pick it up if it's over a five Nan you’re a window shopperGet on the bus coz you still cant driveNan you’re a window shopperMad as fuck only just alive

Walking down the post office to pick up your pensionAnd then your off to Bingo Its become an obsessionSo wary of the kids when their wearin their hoods upAnd even if they smile at you, you think it’s a stick upYou only buy the paper to cut out the couponsYour saving 50p but what do you want with tamponsYour always at the doctor picking up your prescriptionAnd they throw in some K-Y just to ease up the frictionYou got a leak in your colostomy bagYeah its got a hole in hole in hole inAt the weekend your shopping with your trolleyIts sad how your rollin rollin rollin

edie sedgwick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVRmt0J6JNg

heart breaking

that's heart breaking.
that hits me hard and brings tears to my eyes.
when you hear it, you never believe it, but when it happens to teenagers that live in your city, that you had the potential of knowing, to see people you know, who knew them and so on.

it just fucking brings you down.
that's terrible.


life is dangerous.. no matter what you do or where you go

sweet sweet

spent some time with Jamie. had a spare first block, sat with her in art. she's painting Mick Jagger just like AW did. sweet sweet.
i never worked out today. i shall tomorrow. actually, since tomorrow i'll be at home, i'm going to work out double. gonna run total of one hour. and i shall do other things. sweet sweet
then i shall treat myself to a movie. and no food after 7 pm.

i'm volunteering at my church on Sunday. i can;t wait. old people are the cutest. it's the only time i have fun washing dishes. i really like volunteering. it makes me feel like a good person, when others make me feel otherwise.
what's that word. inferior i think. what does that mean?? i remember it was said in Princess Diaries, the first one. something about not letting people make you feel inferior or something along those lines. i'm thinking Eleanor Roosevelt said that quote ?

anyways, i think it has something to do with not letting people make you feel down or some shit like that. the point is, i like that.
wow, all that trouble just to let you know i like that.

i danced in the hallways with Tyler today. i walked in circles with Alyssa today. literally. i didn;t just walk in circles as in my whole school, i walked down the hallway, and in the middle of the hallway amidst all the people, i walked in a circle... and continued on my way. Alyssa laughed. i love making her laugh. honestly, her laugh makes me laugh.
you know those people who have contagious laughs ? i love those people. because i'm able to laugh at nothing with them. like my cousin Kevin. when he laughs, i just cannot help myself man. it's just CARAZY.

i watched some of The Crucible today. i love that stuff. religions other than my own, beliefs other than my own.
i remember i used to read about Kabbalah. i think i might start again. try something new ya know. look at it from the other side, from above or maybe below. or diagonally.

i was a kid, i had a white Italian bible. i told my friend it was witch language and that only i could understand it. i was six or seven, and thought i was a witch. cool? i think not. i was a loser. haha

then the time i painted the side of my garage with the brown paint my dad left outside from painting the fence. i liked to paint. and the stucco was my canvas. mother locked me outside until i wiped it clean. clean, it did not get. so the mark is still there even to this day.

the time my brother hogged the sand bucket in the sand box. i would not tolerate such nonsense. i'm a selfish little person. so i wacked him over the head with the nearest sharp object. a spade.

i'm quite selfish. no doubt about it. and i've mentioned. it's frowned upon now. but i tell ya, in the future, it shall do me good. HA who am i kidding...

Jamie suggested taking a photography class. possibility.

then there's the times my room was a pig sty apparently. mother threw everything in a garbage bag. cried my eyes out until father or brother fetched it from outside.
i always disliked my mother cleaning my room. i never knew where anything was afterwards.

i miss Beverly and the people who inhabit Beverly.

sweet sweet

carazzzzzy

Aquarius - March 14, 2007

You might feel like many things in your life are in a state of flux today. Certain people may not be fully cooperating with you right now, and don't be surprised if someone close to you might be acting a bit mysterious as well. If people aren't able to be fully honest with you, then maybe you'd be better off without them.

ugly kleenex boxes

so i woke up this morning, and i found a kleenex box with a note on it. it was from Heather haha. apparently she read about how i hate ugly kleenex boxes, so she bought me a really cool striped one. and i would like to tell her, if she's reading this, that it definitely gave me that spark of creaticity :P

i'll be honest though, i had just woken up and seeing something outside my room, i thought it was my birthday haha.
i was like, oh, it's my birthday. and then i read it and remembered it was actually March 14th, and that it was really only a kleenex box.
wow i am so dumb.

anyways, i went to Fresh Start with Nikki and Stephanie today. fell asleep in the car. i smiled at Lauren today in the hallway.

America's Next Top Model tonight! can't wait

really rewarding

Aquarius - March 13, 2007

Certain issues might be calling out for a little re-examination at this time. An old concern that has not thoroughly been resolved could lead to some trouble or confusion today. So be sure that you make every effort to get your points across clearly and to understand exactly what others are trying to say right now.

i worked out today for 50 minutes with Selena and Amanda. it was really rewarding. i hung out with Will and Alyssa at lunch, there was a huge fight. and i saw Joe and his girlfriend. i didn't say hi though, i wanted to avoid any awkward conversations. plus, i looked bad today and put almost no effort into my afro.

what i don't get though, is how come there's a HUGE herd of people going to watch a fight. i mean, when half the school had gone outside in a crowd, something is obviously going on, and the police is obviously going to go outside to check it out, and people are obviously going to get in trouble.

i've learned that

my version. i gradually wrote this a while back, and i just found it yesterday
i've learned that..
- the ride is better than the destination
- digging too deep can leave a red sore mark
- everything you hate about yourself as a teenager only makes your teenage years more fun to look back on
- looking at yourself from a different room in the house makes you feel better
- noise cancellation is healthier than loud music
- when you feel as though your eyes may shrivel up, you've probably exceeded maximum ammount of time spent on the computer
- falling asleep on the phone can be a good thing
- lying to make yourself appear more interesting ultimately makes you more interesting
- the morning steals your coordination, leaving you stuck on the top bunk
- nothing is ever as bad as it may seem, and it is always as bad as you make it
- being a teenager is a good excuse for being horny twenty four/seven
- it's ok to think you're falling in love
- setting your alarm unnecessarily let's you experience shutting it off without worry
- being outside your comfort zone can be the best thing. or the worst
- sleeping on the floor isn't as painful as it sounds
- when you're tired, you should probably sleep
- you can't please everybody so while you're living, at least do everything in your power to please yourself
- being a cheeseball is ok in moderation
- just because someone isn't physically there, doesn't mean they're gone
- if you're thirsty, pop won't make it better
- bending over backwards isn't so hard
- if your glasses fall off while jumping around like mad, it doesn't mean you have to pick them back up anytime soon
- doing things yourself results in satisfaction
- you really can live without cell phones and computer speakers
- not everyone is going to like what you write
- cheating doesn't always get you far
- as long as your life's on repeat, you can always listen more carefully the next time
- the 90s really did have some sweet tunes
- their honesty overpowers what they did
- if you do it today, you won't have to do it tomorrow
- Mr Right is probably in front of your nose, or where you least expect him to be
- low self-esteem, cram sessions and pimples are all essentials to being a teen
- it's easy to agree, but it takes some thought to disagree
- in order to have healthy relationships, you must have one with yourself
- it gets worse before it gets better
- everything you do in everyday life contributes to your death
- standing in front of active microwaves is bad for your health
- diss yourself before anyone else can
- sound waves travel through almost anything
- if your gonna play with fire you're gonna get burned
- habits are hard to break
- beauty is in the eye of it's beholder
- if you ask, you shall receive
- sometimes ass kissing needs to be put into action
- listening to someone doesn't mean you're agreeing with them
- the traits that are looked down on in your high school life, are the traits that will get your far in the real world
- money makes the world go round
- a good cry is essential every once in awhile
- you sleep in the bed that you make

stoichiometry

wow i love it

oh jordan brimner

i went to Jordan's house tonight. it was really amusing.
we played some x box, watched some Saw 3 with his sister.
his sister is pretty sweet. she beat me in Mortal Kombat a couple times. she definitely knows how to intimidate her opponents that's for sure haha.
Jordan's pretty sweet too. even though he's a cheap ass player.
but i've got my dynamic duo, that;s all that i care about at this point. Sonja and Sindel got my back all theeeeeeeeeeeee way.

Jordan, if you're reading this, you better watch out next time we kombat each other again. i'm out to get you

nobody listens to techno let's go

i have to fill up this space fast because the previous font color doesn't go with my new layout so i have to fix it
and this entry will do that =)

there's a lot of music artists that are trying desperately to re-invent themselves. come up with someone new to attract a bigger crowd. Justin Timberlake's done it, Nelly Furtado, Good Charlotte, and Hilary Duff, a lot of others too. they incorporate a bit of dance/techno to their songs. that's what i've noticed, anyways. not saying it's a bad thing, but Justin definitely started it all. worked out awesome for him.

people may think they're just putting on a show. but what i've come to realize is that everyone is putting on a show. twenty four/seven.

people have said i put on a show for people. yes, that is a possibility. there's something about me people don't know. there are people who think they know me better them i know myself. this puzzles me simply because i change from day to day. one day i may stand for one thing and the next day i could go completely against it. when i stand for something, say i'm backing up one of my beliefs, if i am debating with someone it's really quite funny because in my head i am always able to think of things to go against what i say. i obviously don't say it because that would be going against what i am saying. i'm a really confusing person. sometimes i may start fights for no reason, and sometimes i start fights for very valid reasons.

i am unpredictable, i don't know myself, so how can others know me better than i do ? i am controlling my thoughts, i am controlling those little background thoughts that i'm thinking right now. i am misunderstood plenty of times. sometimes i say things the wrong way. i mean something but people take it as something completely different. i'm not too worried about it, though. i mean, i know my intentions, God knows my intentions. that's all that really matters to me in the end.

i remember learning something so valuable from the movie 8 Mile. k, so the point of rap battles is to diss your opponent right? well i loved how at the end he dissed himself so when it came to the other guy's turn, he was speechless 'cause he didn't know what to say that hasn't already been said. that's always in the back of my mind. sometimes i accuse myself of too much, so that at least no one can accuse me of it. i would much rather cut myself down instead of giving other people the satisfaction of doing it.

i actually really fuckin hate Hilary Duff. she is irritating me to the MAX.
i had a good nap today. i have an Italian mid term tomorrow.

i think i'm going run later on. i took my pills today. hopefully my face starts getting better. finally. since grade six it's been bad. doesn't that just suck ass ? i mean, all these years having to wake up ten minutes earlier just to put make-up on. once that's gone i'll be so happy.

i hate my kleenex box. why are kleenex boxes so fkn ugly. honestly, it bugs me. when i re-arrange my room (which is an frequent occurrence), it always brings me down that the kleenex boxes that my mom buys are so ugly. i mean, it's got a light pink background with these ugly white flowers on it.

when we were driving home today, i thought of an idea for a car. you unlock the car, sit down in the driver's seat, but you can't turn on the car unless you breath into a breathalizer installed in your car. if alcohol is detected on your breath, the car won't start no matter what. if no alcohol is detected, then it allows you to start the car. i told my mom my genius idea, but apparently she read something like that somewhere already. don't you just fkn hate that, it's so hard to come up with new things.
there's 6 billion people on this earth, it's hard to think that what you think is so original that no one else in the world thought about it as well. but when i think of something cool, i usually do nothing about it because i assume it's already been done.

i need to start looking for a job this summer. i would really love to go to Europe. i doubt that's going to happen. plus, i've done more travelling than people do in a whole lifetime. maybe this summer i should start getting work experience in a field that i would consider when i'm older. plus i'll get money. and i love money so i can't go wrong.

summer after this one though, i am for sure going nuts on travelling. fuck i love travelling. sometimes it's a downfall though. maybe this is a conceited statement, but i've learned a ton about myself through travelling. i mean, going to Rome, Florence, Venice, and Turin and places like that i discover a lot about my own interests. i love art and the significance of it. going to Rome, i developed that. i've seen more and experienced more. and coming back to a place like Edmonton, i realize how unimportant some things are when there's a whole globe to discover. i just get frustrated with being in this city where minor things are made to be a huge deal.

see, as of right now, i thought to myself "well, it depends. i mean, just because it's Edmonton doesn't mean it's uninteresting or minor. i'm not that much of a difficult person that i can't even enjoy my own city." i don't even know where i stand on things anymore. it's ridiculous lol.

maybe i'm like an animal and i adapt with the seasons. wait, that;s a bad analogy. i'm just a person that needs a change sometimes. i like my surrounding, setting and atmosphere to change. it gives me motivation. it's always the same thing and i become unmotivated and lazy. like my bedroom. i change it at least 10 times a year. not because i'm psycho (well maybe a little bit), but also because i like to walk into my room and have it different. i'm more willing to clean it and do my homework and in some cases, even be more social. that's just what it does for me.

anyways, this should be long enough to fill up some space. that's what it is to you guys, anyways, since i am pretty sure you won't read all of the above. but it's more than just a space filler for me, i now conclude.

hmmph

i'm watching the first season of the hills on mtv.ca Lauren "my new rule is to not date someone i would never want to break up with" hmmmm

bladder practice

there was a time when i felt the need to justify myself. i now realize it was not my doings or my intentions to make this the way it is now. i've said what i had to say, that's all i can really do. if they want to make it a bigger deal than it is, go right ahead.

i went to the doctor's today. and i'm pretty excited. it was pretty funny. me and my mother talked. i love that woman to bits sometimes. there was a couple there, about my age maybe younger and they had a kid. and i asked her what she would do if that was me. i asked if she would disown me. she said she would. then i gave her a look and i was like "you'd never do that to me. that's horrible." and then she gave me the look back and was like "well you better not try and see what happens." and then she laughed. i told her i would probably shoot myself before she could shoot me.

i love Shakira's style. her hair is just so crazy wicked.
Breanne is currently on a Greyhound bus to Red Deer and she has to pee immensly, and she has to stay seated and she doesn't know if there's a bathroom. she's calling it bladder practice. wonderful right.

anyways. life's good just like that cell phone company.. LG or whatever... hahaha

55 minutes later...

i love Special K cereal. i don't really like news broadcasters. i usually say "i hate it when..." instead of "i hate people who..." because i rarely hate anything with emotional feelings, so in this case, i'm hating the action the person is doing, instead of the person itself. i boosted my french mark up. i ran and sang to 3 Doors Down. there are always those songs that i'm embarrassed to like, but they get me pumped up the most. like Ticket to Heaven. and then there's Going Away to College by Blink 182. and then there's I Write Tragedies.. oh damn forgot what it;s called haha. well, the song that sounds like that by Panic At The Disco. anyways. my mother is hovering around me so bye bye

significant details

i haven't been able to write a whole lot, since my dear mother has taken the mouse out of my room. totally ok though, i shall fill you in very briefly: sunday night went to Greg's show with Leigha and Lauren. it was quite alright. Monday went to school, got second block of French as a spare so i went to Smitty's with bri and Alyssa. fun times, i am not going to lie. Tuesday went to school, i don't even remember what i did that day. and the harder i try to think about it, the more i seem to forget. oh wait i remember. got off school an hour early, and went to Breanne's house where we ate muffins and played Mortal Kombat until 4 =) i love her Today, went to school hung out with Jamie and Will in tha morning. had a headache, took a tylenol from Emily in Cosmetology, and then took three caffeine pills. at lunch, hung out with Alyssa and Amanda and Jamie. wrote a chemistry test that i'm pretty sure i did fabulous on. and then had French, where Mr F moved me once again, this time, with my back to Alyssa. it's funny how we always end up talking or communicating anyways.. after school went to Chinese Restaurant with Tyler and Dayleen, where Tyler made a contract of everything i own him from one and half years ago. it came to about 370 bucks. it included A and W, the hate fee, the friendship fee, the ruining his bet fee, the chinese food, and so on and so on. i love that boy. and i never thought i'd be able to say it, but Tyler really is quite the guy. and no, i don't love him that way. i love him in a brotherly way. went to fresh start at 4. came home slept for 45 minutes, now i'm here and i should go do my homework. i will leave this in saying that this weekend i am probably going to Amanda's house with Alyssa. Amanda is someone i was friends with in junior high and we started talking again. i must say that i miss her dearly

"forgiveness in families"

"And I thought, all these things don't seem that much like life, when you're doing them, they're just what you do, how you fill up your days, and you think all the time something is going to crack open, and you'll find yourself, then you'll find yourself, in life. It's not even that you particularly want this to happen, this cracking open, you're comfortable enough the way things are, but you do expect it. Then you're dying, Mother is dying, and it's just the same plastic chairs and plastic plants and ordinary day outside with people getting groceries and what you've had is all there is, and going to the library, just a thing like that, coming back up the hill on the bus with books and a bag of grapes seems now worth wanting, O God doesn't it, you'd break your heart wanting back there."

exactly one year ago

if you go to my old blog, and read what happened on March 3, 2006, you will see why today is significant.... but i have someone new, so i think i'm doing just fine. 'specially now that my fifteen hours of in class drivers education is finally over. i can't believe they make kids do that. i felt like committing suicide, or having a mental/emotional break down, or go into a coma, or have a seizure. it was the most restless, longest 15 hours of my entire life. but i'm glad i got to spend it with Brittany. and that i at least got 96% on the final test. like holy.

am i weird for thinking that ?

my mother dropped me off at 8 am at Tim Hortons. while listening to Coldplay and drinking hot chocolate, i read the photography book my brother gave me. the scene you just pictured in your head looks comfortable warm and possibly inviting. but it was so cliche that i felt really uncomfortable just thinking about it. am i weird for thinking that ? i went to this site: http://www.j-roumagnac.net/index.php?x=browse they're fabulous photos don't you think? i don't. i was looking up top photographers and i found that. i don't know why but i feel like i've seen them all before... it's just so MONOTONE. i mean, there's the odd few that overwhelm you with a sense of peace. and they're not ugly photos. they just don't do anything for me. am i weird for thinking that ?

okie dokie

day one of driver's education. my instructor's name is Patryck Pennyfeather. his friends used to call him 'light and cheap', just as his last name suggests. he's black and has a beard and talks like a jamaican mon. he's pretty funny. he calls us murderers because the statistics show that 1 person dies every day in collisions. so for example he might be talking about windshield washer fluid to clean the blood off our windshields. or he might say "so when it's snowy or rainy or bloody out..." and he even talked about cleaning our cars on a regular basis, because there may be a build up of mud and blood and dirt. he's a pretty comical guy i tell ya. spent 500 bucks for a stand up comedian. he introduced us to the Bambi effect. when there's a deer in the middle of the road, and you enter the 'oh shit' stage. and then he was like, and while you're 'oh shitting'.... he's pretty sweet. but nothing as sweet as a jamaican driving school teacher can be worth sitting in a chair for 7 and a half hours. i'll admit, he was pretty nice about it. he gave us a ten minute break every hour and even 30 minutes for lunch, which i used wisely, as me and Brittany went to the paki mart and i bought a month's worth of chocolate and now i feel like a big fatty. anyways, i woke up at 6:45 in the morning, and i really wanna sit on the couch and watch MTV and my brother told me about this show, The Black Donneley's or something, and he said it just started and it's kind of like The OC. i'm gonna check it out. so now i'll have The Hills, America's Next Top Model, Dancelife, Entourage and The Black Donneley's as my weekly shows =) last night Jordan came over and we played Diddy Kong, and then we 'watched' Resident Evil and then we watched two episodes of Entourage, which i absolutely totally love. AND i am pleased to tell you that the new season of Entourage starts on April 8th =)

on a good note, i felt really good last night. i mean, i was laying there and my head was on his chest and he was holding my hand and his arm was around me. and i don't usually talk about this side of my personal life, but this is important, because i hadn't felt needed or wanted in a year. i felt like i was outside my own body knowing someone was holding my hand and caressing it.

i guess i just remembered what that feels like and it made me really happy.

i was in the kitchen washing a dish

when i was a kid, my mom cut my nails on a regular basis. one day i asked her if i could grow them out because there was this older girl at my school who had these really nice long nails and i wanted mine like that too. she told me the only way she would let me grow my nails, is if i did the dishes everyday to keep them clean, because the longer they are, the dirtier they become.