shedding cats

i went to West Edmonton Mall today with my family and without my mom the translator. so i really had to put my Italian knowledge into gear today. it went pretty well.
i went to see a movie for a bit while they were in the waterpark. i saw License To Wed. was the only one i was able to catch at the time. it was pretty ok considering i dislike Mandy Moore.
i saw previews for other movies i really want to see though.. 1) Dan in Real Life and 2)Across The Universe.

tomorrow i go to Drumheller for the weekend.

and i absolutely love The Matrix.

now i've got it

I REMEMBER THE IMPORTANT NEWS!

BIG BROTHER 8 STARTS TONIGHT!!!!!!

now i've lost it

i just spent th past two hours playing with my kitties outside. they are the cutest things EVER. seriously. they're always outside hiding in this huge pile of random junk my dad keeps away and i've finally found out where in there they hide and i go call them everyday so i can play with them. this morning i found Baby and i ran with a piece of string on my lawn and she chased it and then i sat down and she laid down in my shade to catch her breath. then Boots joined us and we all just laid on the pavement for a while. well, they were under lawn chairs where it was nice and cool. then i found my old bike and took a spin with it on the lawn and scared Baby and Boots away.

i actually look forward to being with my cats. they make me so so happy. Baby slept in my room last night. it was funny, she followed me to bed and then she left. 3 minutes later she came back and then she left. 3 minutes later she came back and slept on the floor by my couch where i was sleeping. the only thing is that my cats are really cuddly and when they get excited and purr they lose so much fur and it gets everywhere lol.

ERR i had something really important to say and now i've lost it !

classy slob look

my goal for this summer (and all previous summers before this) is to lose weight and be tan!

see when i came back from Italy last summer and my brother greeted me at the airport, he had looked really good. he was tan and he had lost weight (not that he was fat or anything). and i have decided that i want to surprise him when he gets back. i don't want to go around like a lazy slob anymore.

my mom's been nagging me about how i've been dressing in public. i've been wearing my brother's hoodies and rolled up sweatpants the whole summer. it's because i look thin in them and they're really comfortable. it's like the classy slob look. the way celebrities go around on lazy i-just-woke-up days. well that's what i like to call it. i am not a celebrity however. so it probably doesn't work out the way i think it does. plus, i have a job now and i'm getting paid, i can finally buy tanning minutes!

just a little bit though, i just want to even out my skin tone.

anyways. i'm gonna go watch Beverly Hills 90210.

i love fireworks

alright so i'm back. Saturday we went to Jasper. spent the night at my aunt's place over there. it's always good times in Jasper, i absolutely love it there. the next day we went to Banff. that was pretty fun. spent Canada Day there. i was so close to the fireworks, i don't think i've ever been that close to fireworks before. they were amazing. i remember i was standing there surrounded by tourists and other Banff people and then i thought, you know how people always talk about kissing their significant others underneath fireworks? well at that point in time i wondered what the big deal was. if i was with my boyfriend under fireworks i'd be all about the fireworks. they're so amazing to watch. Monday we went to Calgary. got to my cousins place around 5:30. we made this nice excuse to go for coffee. instead we went in the middle of a construction zone. we sat in her trunk with the hooka on the pavement and we smoked sheesha for about an hour. it was awesome. it's pretty much fruit and molasses. there's no tobacco or marijuana (although you can mix them together). it doesn't give you a high or buzz or anything and it isn't bad for you and it's legal. it tastes really good and the smoke is so smooth and thick you can do little tricks with it. it's a good bonding experience. they even have sheesha bars. i wanna go when i'm 18.

this morning we went to the Calgary Zoo. it was my first time being there.

anyway, my mom is getting pissed at me.

moral of the story is, i love fireworks.

leaving in the morning

i woke up at 5:45 this morning for work. i worked until 12. and then we went to the airport to pick up my aunt and uncle and their kids. then we came home, i watched Beverly Hills 90210 and then we went to my aunt's for dinner at 5:30. we stayed there until almost 10 and then i came home, started packing my bags for tomorrow morning.
and now i'm here.

you won't hear from me for the whole weekend

hooka

so today i worked from 12-6. tomorrow i work 7am-12 and then i'm going to the airport to pick up family from Italy. Saturday morning we're leaving on this road trip for the weekend. i can't wait until Monday though, because we're going to Calgary then and i'll be able to hang out with my cousins Jocelyn and Kevin. Kevin actually lives in Chilliwack, BC with his mom and Anthony lives in Calgary but they kinda switched so they can spend time with both parents. anyways, what i'm really excited about is to smoke sheesha with my cousin. she has a hooka to smoke it with. it's weird though, it's not a drug or anything. it has no tobacco either, it just goes into the lungs nice and smooth and it tastes like fruit.

should be interesting

almost forgot

it's my parents 26th anniversary today
WOOHOOO

the new hot spot

Namao is the new hot spot.

so this guy Mitch that goes to my school had an interview at Second Cup today. he got hired. some other girl that was in my english class handed in her resume a few days ago and Selena just started working there with me. i know a ton of people who work at the Canadian Tire and Rona in Namao. Breanne works at Mt. Fuji there (which is conveniently like 15 steps away from the Second Cup drive-thru window), i saw Justin going to work at Sobey's when i got off work. Tyler also works at that Sobey's.

crazy. i love it

suck it up

so i thought i was going to have a relaxed day. but turns out i had work from 7am - 3pm. so i worked rush hour upon rush hour for 8 hours instead of hanging out with Breanne.
it seems i'm telling myself to "suck it up" a lot. i mean, i'm working a lot. everday. and it gets stressful. it's probably the worst choice ever for a first job. but i've been sucking it up and it's gotten better. at first i just wanted to go home and cry (ok, maybe that was partially due to my brother leaving), but i wanted to quit after only a few days. and i usually quit everything that gets too hard. i'm not sure, maybe it's because i'm getting money out of it, but i go to work everyday feeling more and more confident. i just can't wait to get this paycheck to have some concrete proof. my mom's even proud that i've been putting in so many hours. that just makes me happy. i feel like i can handle anything. well not really, i just feel like if i just stick with something it'll always get better. if i just suck it up things will always get better. for instance i've been setting reasonable bedtimes for myself so i'm able to get up in the morning. little things like waking up at 5:45 in the morning, not going on MSN for really long periods of time, doing laundry, and not feeling like i have this crazy addiction to the computer make me feel like i'm growing up and i'm really happy about that.

or maybe i'm just a loser.

but on second thought, even though i have been growing up little by little, there's still things that i do to have some mellow fun. i'll leave that undisclosed.

so you think you can dance

God i love this show. i feel like discussing the dancers on the show.

1) Anya- she is probably the most sultry dancer on the show. i really like her, and her confidence and presence that she brings to the stage.
2) Cedric- he reminds me of a jack-in-the-box somehow. he just moves really weird. in a good way
3) Danny- he kinda makes me angry. it seems like he's almost too perfect.
4) Dominic- he was cool at first, he's got some talent but he's definitely not one of my favorites.
5) Jaimie- she's pretty good, far from my favorite though.
6) Hok- i have no words for him. he's so interesting and crazy. i love how he's asian and has a british accent. definitely one of my favorites. i love him.
7) Jessi- i hated her audition but she grew on me after that.
8) Jesus- i absolutely love this guy. at first i didn't really like him but he has this quiet refined style that makes me go crazy. he's amazing.
9) Lacey- she's good, but sometimes she makes me absolutely jealous of how good she looks.
10) Lauren- she seems like one of those girls i'd totally click with. she has a really cool mellow style and i love it.
11) Kameron- i hated this guy. and his stupid red mohawk and red stars on the side of his head. .. but i guess his dancing makes up for it.
12) Sabra- i dislike her. absolutely. she reminds me of.. Tara on Canada's Next Top Model and Corrinne Bailey Rae. i just don't like her.
13) Neil- I LOVE HIM TO BITS.
14) Sara- she makes me want to be tough. and i wish i could dance like her so bad. so bad so bad.
15) Pasha- he makes me dream wild fantasies. he is so sexy. so so so sexy. he also reminds me of Benjamin Mackenzie.. which is totally an awesome thing.
16) Shauna- i don't think a lot of her. i didn't really notice her at first. but i guess she isn't bad.

but there is one thing left to say. and it should not be surpassed and it's probably the most important said in this whole entire blog of hundreds of entries.

Wade Robson Is Surreal.

tomorrow to come

i can't wait for tomorrow to come. it's gonna be such a relaxed day. wake up at 6, go to work for 7, get off work at 12, eat Quizno's, bus to Breanne's,
chill out.

i'm listening to Corinne Bailey Rae. she's awesome. so i worked last Wednesday straight through to Monday. today was my day off. i work tomorrow Thursday (12-6) and Friday (7-12) and then i have to pack because we're going on a road trip with my family from Italy for the long weekend. i didn't want to go for the longest time. but i love road trips. i just love being in a car with my iPod and hours of road ahead. and that's what the whole weekend is gonna be like because my mom is the worst trip planner in the world.

Daniel called today. we talked for like 5 minutes though because he was in Amsterdam and he was ordering food or something. lucky guy. he gets to go to the tea houses in Amsterdam.
wish i could order a side of marijuana at Second Cup.

nevertheless, things are beginning to pick up

Chris Benoit

i used to be a WWE fan. in grade three i watched it all the time. Wednesdays were half-days and that was my chance to watch it without disruptions.

Chris Benoit supposedly murdered his wife and son over the weekend and he committed suicide on Monday. CRAZY SHIT.
and to think, he used to go to my high school. i read the article in the newspaper and one of the teachers at my school said something. that he has strong visions or something.

of course there's always nice things to be said after someone dies.

that's the way it is

so last night i had a weird dream. i've had the dream before, but it could seem like i've had it before but it could all just be in the same dream, or in the same night. it's like based on Lord of the Rings kind of. it actually starts off as a class Europe trip. we're on a train like the one to Hogwarts in Harry Potter. then it gets to this valley thing. we all get off right before the gates. i'm with a bunch of people that aren't my friends or anything. one guys name starts with a V i think. and i think another guys name is Claude? anyways, we get off the train go into the town and we realize it's a town that doesn't welcome people like us so we go to the valley and hide underwater. then all of a sudden i'm with my family. my brother is a tree, though. and so is his girlfriend. see it's like the 5 armies in Lord of the Rings. there's a whole bunch of different people grouped together. we have to fall down this waterfall, my family went down and there i was saying Hell no to jumping down this waterfall. then all of a sudden this song by Celine Dion called That's The Way It Is starts playing and i become so inspired that i jump and i can hear my mom laughing. and then at the bottom there's a place for trees to go so Heather goes, and convinces my brother to go with her. but i'm like NO don't go. but he does. so then we're just riding along down this stream and then i see the waterpark and my cosmetology teacher is working there. she sees me somehow and waves. ( i think that's because i saw her at Second Cup yesterday haha). anyways, i don't know how things get to this but then i'm with a little girl in a very european town. i'm wearing a red cape thingy like the one in the movie The Village. some guy is following us like he knows we're not supposed to be there. that's when i think of the last time it happened in the dream and how we got captured, but i did things differently in this dream so we didn't get captured. we walk out in the valley. there's like a thousand different armies just grouped on the side of this valley. it's nighttime and in the middle of the valley is just water and there's random fireballs shooting through the air. then i relaize i'm the only one wearing a red cape which is bad, until i eat a grape off of some tree and then i see another woman with a red cape, but her hood is down. so i put my hood down and she starts speaking italian, but it's wrong. she called the grape grapo when it's really called uva in italian.

then i remember something with the trees and then something that has to do with Shrek. like the trees can turn into ogres too or something? i'm not too sure.

actually, i'm trying to think of what else happened. but it seems that i can't.

must love dogs

i read Stephanie's blog and am inspired to do the same thing. i wouldn't call them commandments, simply because i'm catholic and already have commandments. instead i'll call these the guidelines. (if you don't know what i'm talking about, it's about guys)

1 - Tough- i like guys who are tough. in moderation, however. if the guy constantly says he's tough when he doesn't walk the walk, then it's probably the biggest turn off for me.
2 - Good taste in music. if he likes Nickelback or Simple Plan or Billy Talent or any other music i consider absolute shit, it's also one of the biggest turn-offs.
3 - Mustn't possess spiky hair. very boy band. the only man in my life who makes me wild for his spiky hair is David Silver on Beverly Hills 90210.
4 - Goofy and mellow. perfect compliment of my worrisome self.
5 - Must show me respect. to some extent. if he shows me too much respect i lose interest.
6 - Diverse. must show some interest in the same things i do. fashion, art, movies, music. also must be diverse in the way that he can make me laugh but can also have a serious conversation with.
7 - Good bone structure. very important in the face and the body =) it's a must. i'm surprised i didn't place that first.
8 - Must have a job. not because i'm a gold-digger, but because that way we spend some time apart. and that makes me crazy.


you know what. i'm not even going to finish it. a lot of my friends find that all the guys i like are so different from each other. there really isn't a guideline because i'm interested in so many different things. i've been interested in the spanish soccer player type, the drug dealer type, the good guy hockey player type, the asian type, the motorcycle riding type, the artsy Where's-Waldo-glasses-wearing type, the fashionisto type and the bass player outdoorsy type.

i guess my one and only guideline really consists of this: MUST GIVE ME BUTTERFLIES.

hangnail

i have a really bad hangnail. i've never actually had one before, simply because i chew my nails on a regular basis. but i have one, and it sucks.

i worked with someone new today. you will never believe this. his name is Matt, he is a manager at Second Cup. and he looks so much like Edward Norton. it's incredible. i work with Edward Norton. he even sounds like him ('cept he has a little bit of a lisp). anyways, on the subject of work. yesterday was horrible. while in drive-thru, a lady's five dollar bill change flew away in the wind, i forgot the lid on the blender twice and i dealt with super angry customers. this morning my mom dropped me off and she laughed at my blender incident. she said it was cute.
pfft.

today was better. i thought tomorrow was my last day before i had a few days break, but no, they're having me work on Monday as well. and then Thursday Friday and Sunday. wonderful.

i think i'm going to watch Boondock Saints one day. but for now, i'm gonna go finish Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

sanctuary

my brother gave me a call. he made me feel better about my job. i talked to him for about 15 minutes and then i gave the phone to my dad.
and then i went to the bathroom and laid on the floor.

my turn will come

MY METER IS RUNNING LOW.
there was only two of us at work for 3 hours. me, a beginner who is also good for nothing, and another girl who s been working there for 2 weeks. it was crazy madness. i wanted to commit suicide.

and with my brother gone i feel so empty and depressed like i could start crying any second. work is starting to suck and i just need to get high and hang out with friends. FAST.

having a job is making me feel depressed. i haven't even had a proper summer day since i started working right after my exams ended.

think positive i guess.
when my brother left last night, my mom looked at me in the airport and told me to stay positive and that my turn will come.

i sure hope so.

i buried my face in his shirt

i walked into Second Cup yesterday morning before 9:30 in the morning. my shift started at 9:30 and ended at 5 pm. i was so incredibly nervous. there's this guy that i work with, his name is Trevor. he's a chubby 29 year old radio show host. he is also hilarious, but he drives his co-workers nuts. whenever someone walks in he either says a) Welcome to Second Cup, where all your coffee dreams come true! or b) Welcome to Second Cup, Second Cup's our name, caffeine's our game!
oh my goodness. try hearing that for 7.5 hours. PLUS, when we wore headsets he would randomly sing into them so everyone wearing a headset could hear. (and yes, i was pretty pro and was able to wear a headset). anyway, after work the original plan was to go hang out with Mike. he ditched me to play mini golf with his friends (which ended up being closed haha). so i went to Mt. Fuji, talked to Breanne for a bit. she handed me twenty bucks to go shopping (she's like my mother. she likes to give me money voluntarily haha). i went to Londonderry, sat on those couches for a bit because i was SO TIRED. and then i met up with Mike and Brett and their friends, they bought some hacky sacks and we went to M.E. Lazerte to play with them. Mike walked me to the bus stop, i went back to northgate, and then back to Namao where i got a Quizno's sub, and to kill time i bought some stuff from Shoppers Drug Mart. i still had an hour before Breanne was off work so i just went to Mt. Fuji and talked to the sushi guy, Vin. he's really sweet. i've met him a few times when i went in to see Breanne. he's in his twenties.. he has a kid too. and apparently he also stalked this girl Rachelle who i work with haha. so i work 32 hours in 5 days. tomorrow and Saturday i work 12-6 and Sunday i work 1:30-8. making a grand total of $260 in just one week of work. my mom said she was proud of me. on my days off, however, i'll probably be doing laundry and mowing the lawn.

we went to Breanne's place and then Janelle came over. we pretty much just chilled in her room and ate Mt. Fuji food. and then we moved to the middle level and sat in the dark and talked some more. then we started talking about scary movies and we all got freaked out so we turned on a light. i was a mature person and set a bedtime (midnight) for myself. they stayed up 'til 1 to watch television. i drifted in and out of sleep and when they came to bed i told them my ass was cramped from standing all day long. i could not get to sleep and it really hurt. so i asked for an ass massage. and they willingly gave me one. i was on my stomach and then there was Janelle and Breanne sitting around me, Janelle with drumsticks and Breanne with hair products, and my left ass cheek was being poked by both. it kinda hurt, which in turn took my mind off the sore-ness haha. it was pretty hysterical to say the least. the next morning they walked me to Second Cup for 9:30, where i was to work until 3:30, when my brother came to pick me up.
he picked me up, and i was pretty grumpy to say the least. my mom picked up Panago pizza, we ate it, and i got caught up on Beverly Hills 90210.

and then it was time for the airport.
you know when you want to cry so so bad, but you don't want to show it so your throat tenses up? that happened to me. see the thing is, i'm a pretty easy person to read. whatever i'm feeling, you can usually see on my face. and i hate it i hate it. i listened to my music the way there and i was really snappy about everything. my parents kept fighting over my dad's driving and i just snapped and told them i should've stayed home because they wouldn't shut up. we got the airport and i semi-composed myself. then Heather and her parents came. i was finally at my calmest. told myself i could handle it. and by the time we got to the part where we say good-bye i proud that i didn't feel any tears come on at all. and usually i can compose myself pretty well when seeing people off at the airport. it's always better to be the one leav-er than the leav-ee. i wanted so bad to be a leav-er. i love airplane rides. it's probably my favorite part of any vacation.. long plane rides. i love airports, in general. anyways, so my brother gives me a hug and i just start crying so hard. i never do that. it's like i was holding it in for so long.. all the jealousy and resentment for his time away from home without me all the time.. it just all came out. and when i backed away i covered my face and my brother wiped his eyes and my mom put her arm around me. then he hugged me again but this time i buried my face in his shirt. i closed my eyes and just cried. and i left a mascara mark on his shoulder. i hope he thinks about me when he sees it. i'm going to miss him so much. he told me to work hard and to stay out of trouble. he said he didn't wanna get a phone call from mom saying i got arrested for something or other. i'm going to miss him so much. he comes back on August 30.

and then i listened to the BeeGees all the way home.

do you know

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away.
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can’t get it to speak
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I’m standing on the edge and I don’t know what else to give.

How can I love you If you just don’t talk to me, babe.
I flow through my act
The question is she needed
And decide all the man I can ever be.
Looking at the last 3 years like I did,
I could never see us ending like this.
Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that’s never happened to me.
But after this episode I don’t see, you could never tell the next thing life could be

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away.
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

tragedy

Here I lie
In a lost and lonely part of town
Held in time
In a world of tears I slowly drown
Goin home
I just cant take it all alone
I really should be
Holding you
Loving you

Tragedy
When the feelings gone and you cant go on
Its tragedy
When the morning cries and you don't know why
Its hard to bear
With no-one to love you you're
Goin nowhere
Tragedy
When you lose control and you got no soul
Its tragedy
When the morning cries and you don't know why
Its hard to bear
With no-one to love you you're
Goin nowhere

Night and day
Theres a burning down inside of me
Burning love
With a yearning that wont let me be
Down I go
And I just cant take it all alone
I really should be
Holding you
Loving you

i can't wait to be rich

alright so i haven't written in a while. mainly because i've been busy studying and watching Beverly Hills 90210 and movies. i'm pretty sure i recorded about 7 movies this past week.

so i am now employed =) how exciting. i went job hunting on Friday and Janelle and Breanne came with me. i applied at Shoppers Drug Mart, Blockbuster, and Second Cup. ten minutes later i get a call from Second Cup for an interview. before i know it, i have a job. even as i was dressed like a slob. my mom said nobody would consider hiring me the way i was dressed... i ended up with a job. HA in her face.
i start after tomorrow. my last exam. i work Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday. 27 hours. i can't wait.

i'm pretty excited. after work on Wednesday i'm going to Breanne's and she's having a bonfire and she's inviting people and then i'm sleeping over, only to wake up the next day to go to work again.

my brother has lived with us now for almost 2 1/2 days. i'm pretty happy about that. we've been hanging out and stuff.
we went to Heather's condo last night so he could pack up his stuff. we were there for a few hours and i ate and watched the mmva's which sucked as always. they always have the same shitty canadian artists perform.

anyways, i'm doing this in a hurry so i don't get caught on the computer, that is why it's so shitty. but i am so excited for exams to be over tomorrow. i am bubbling over with extreme excitement. AHHHHH

goodbye

761th post

i just watched Sweet Home Alabama. it really makes me want to be a southern girl. or to have a soulmate from age 10. hmmmph.

it seems i'm missing a lot of things lately. i look at Pablo's pictures with his friends in Montreal and it seriously gets me depressed. i feel like i should be in those pictures with him, you know?
i didn't think i would ever miss him this much. it's enough to blur my vision a little bit. he calls me once in a while, but it's not the same.
hmmph.

i talked to him (not Pablo) today too. told him how i miss him sometimes. he said we had some good times.. some good talks..

i agreed

overweight, very smelly comic book junkie

maybe coming to the library was a good idea. i have to write on this used piece of paper, which has a French test on the other side. One that i scored 13/20 on. last day of school and i have absolutely no pieces of unused paper left. so after looking around the Young Adult section, the place i loved to look at first, i've come to the conclusion that either a) i've grown out of those repetitive books of gayness or b) i just don't like reading anymore. i dreaded coming here. i argued with my mother about walking home from Evergreen, which is about an hour walking distance in cloudy weather at this point in time, and she hung up on me after i persisted. so it was up to me. and the bus stopped at Londonderry so i got off. i should gain some points from that well made decision. libraries have a nice feel to them. i don't dread my decision anymore. i'm sitting here listening to Coldplay. cliche things such as this make me so uncomfortable. the last time i felt like i was living in a cliche was in march. March 2nd or 3rd. living in a cliche is those time you see in the movies. here are some examples: 1) curled up on a couch with a good book and hot chocolate when it's cold and snowy outside 2) sitting in the library with your books, music, hair up in a messy bun while studying 3) sitting in a coffee shop drinking a hot beverage while flipping through a magazine or favorite book. they're all situations that seem so adult and mature and relaxing. when, for me, it makes me nervous. it's just so clich it's uncomfortable. there's no reception where i'm sitting.

the other options i had besides walking home and coming to the library are as follows: 1) go to clareview and ride the LRT back and forth for hours, 2)sit at Northgate for a few hours, 3) go to city center and find something to do.
nothing was appealing, but then again. i guess everything's unappealing when your broke. give me a second and i'll count all my money... so with $1.47 on my debit and $3.32 in my wallet, i have a total of $4.79. i am completely broke.. which is ironic because i was planning to apply for jobs at this time and instead i am sitting in a library sulking over the small amount of coins laying before me. it's enough to pick up Second Cup on my way out. maybe.. i was contemplating looking up biographies on Andy Warhol or something. it is now 2:46 pm. my mom is able to pick me up at 4:00 or so. hmmph.

on the bus ride here i was unfortunate enough to be sitting next to an overweight, very smelly comic book junkie. i thought my numbers were up.. that i would die of suffocation. it was complete madness how someone could walk around like that, basking in their own stink and filth. and making others put their life on the line to survive that ordeal. thinking about it makes me want to hurl.

i am not on my third piece of paper and i've concluded that i have a lot of clean paper in my binder, thery're just ruined by an unwanted word or scribbles. but good paper nonetheless! i'm hoping i'm getting my fake ID on Friday when Daniel comes for dinner.

i have to write an english essay tomorrow. i'm not sure how that'll go. i'll quickly write the components for my essay in my thesaurus, and then i'll bring that in with me. GAWD i really have to learn to write an essay by myself and without cheating or anything. i would probably do better. i'm so focused on cheating when writing from the heart would get me a better mark. it is now 3:04 pm. i think i'll leave here at 3:30, get Second Cup and wait for my mom. i see a biography on Charlie Chaplin. i'm gonna go get it =)

'cause i feel low

You see the world in black and white
No colour or light
You think you'll never get it right
But you're wrong you might

The sky could fall could fall on me
The parting of the seas
But you mean more mean more to me
Than any colour I can see

All you ever wanted was love
But you never looked hard enough
It's never gonna give itself up

All you ever wanted to be
Living in perfect symmetry
Nothing is as down or as up, as us

You see the world in black and white
Not painted bright
You see no meaning to your life

You should try
You should try

And all you ever wanted was love
But you never looked hard enough
It's never gonna give itself up

All you ever wanted to be
Living in perfect symmetry
Nothing is as down on this Earth

Don't you want to see it come soon
Floating in a big white balloon
Or given on your own silverspoon

Don't you want to see it come down
Careful throwing your arms around
And saying you're a moment too soon

Cause I feel low

his old notes

i re-arranged my bedroom, changed my bed sheets, washed my old ones, covered my couch with a white bed sheet, changed where my computer is and such.. then i did all of my laundry, and while re-arranging my room i found my box where i kept all of Stephane's old notes and things.

and i read them

pink party punch

so the party was lots of fun. i got to the University where Daniel and Alex picked me up and then we went to Kelsey's penthouse. at first it seemed kind of sketchy, with the odd wallpaper and flickering lights in the hallways, but her place was absolutely amazing. it seemed neverending and her view was incredible. she's on the top floor with huge windows everywhere. it was awesome. we went on the balcony for a bit and it was crazy. then i helped Heather get some stuff ready before lots of people came. she made her Pink Party Punch, which i ended up having about 7 glasses of by 9 PM. i met some of my brother's friends. Katie is really cool and her friend Rachelle gave me her ID so i could use it that night. i also met Heather, Heather's neighbour. haha. same name, same neighbourhood, two different people. nolw that i think about it, i had quite a bit to drink. 7 glasses of her Pink Party Punch and half a bottle of Katie's cider thingy, and a to go cup on our way to the bar. between all this we all took a walk to smoke two joints and a bowl. Kelsey lives with three boys in her penthouse and we were checking out their rooms. Jeff has the coolest room ever. and they all have windows with the craziest view. Jeff is also pretty cute. he's really interesting in a humble way. he has these cool big black glasses and he has a really sweet style. his room has all these things he designed, and he also designs buttons. he has a button maker or something. it's pretty cool. anyways, there's this other guy Oliver, he designed his own pipe and we used it to smoke a bowl. i thought it was funny because these are all design students, right, and it's just something you'd expect haha. anyways, after all that we went to Black Dog, a bar on Whyte Ave. where i met up with my very drunk brother, Jon, and Jon's cousins. Heather got me a drink... i had diet and vodka. later on though, my brother went somewhere so i drank the rest of his beer. so we stayed until the patio was closing and it was raining so we got a slice of pizza from Funky Pickle and got a cab home. Heather, not my brother's girlfriend but the other one, said she's going to give me her old ID from when she lived in Calgary. so i'm pretty excited.
at the moment, i am at Heather's studying French. my brother is in the living room watching Formula One, Heather went to her Student Design Association meeting and i'm here writing.

I think i know what i wanto to do next year. Heather's parents have a studio in their basement and she's going to help me build a portfolio. she can work on her Twee Jewellry and i can paint and try different things. she told me about this school in Calgary, ACAD i think the abbreviations are. i can't remember what they stand for but it's supposedly a good design school. Katie's sister is going there.

anyways, i'm kind of hungry so i'll write tonight or something.

=)

light alcohol

i'm not going to my dance recital tomorrow. i really don't see the point. i'm dreading it more than anything.
instead, i'm going to Heather's Twee Jewelry party around 5. i'm taking the LRT to University and my brother's picking me up form there and then i'm going to this party, meet some people, have fun and then i'm staying at Heather's condo for the night.

my brother won't be there and i will only know Heather. i'm taking it as a growing experience haha. i know i'm making it a bigger deal than it has to be, but i'm a pretty shy person when you first meet me. i stumble over words and half the time i don't know what the heck i'm saying. and this party is going to be filled with like twenty year olds. it should be an adventure. and a little light alcohol should help lol.

it's going to be pretty cool actually, it's at Heather's friends loft. i'm probably more interested in her place than anything else

20-6-26

today was full of compliments. Tanner sent me a text message first thing this morning when he got on the bus and it said "you look nice today =)" it was cute. and everybody complimented on my hair. that's what happens when you don't straighten it for a month. well after tomorrow i'm done with straightening it for another month.

i like keeping it up a lot though, because the one time i straighten it and leave it down, i can always be shocked at how much it's grown. and that's always a good feeling.

i'm going to ban myself from talking about silly high school boys for awhile. not while i'm an impulsive mess of a teenage girl with racing hormones. which isn't helped by sunny days and heat and sweat and minimal clothing.

i'm just going to hang out with my girls and whatever happens, happens. =)
but this doesn't mean i am retiring my flirting skills. hell no

the day started off right with a fresh lock on my locker. i got my old one cut off simply because Tyler was being DUMB and he threw it on the ground and when i went to close it, it wouldn't open back up. so now i got it cut off first block, and i have a new combination for the next three days of school. my last combination was so easy too, i shall share it with you now that it doesn't really matter:
20-6-26

that combination was made for my brain. simple the way i like it.

anyways, i put some Enrique on, i'm going to clean my room real nice and THEN




.. i shall begin the ever so dreaded French studying. oh gawd.

you spin me round

today was a swell day.

Breanne wore this really cute dress and she looked so good. she has the smallest waist i've ever seen i'm so jealous. she always joins me in cosmetology and she put her hair up in the style that always cracks me up. i was at her house a long time ago and she walked me to the bus stop and she was wearing sweats and she had this huge messy bun right on top of her head which bounced everytime she walked and i almost fell on the ground in laughter. she did that same hairstyle except it wasn't as high on her head. she looked so cute.

at lunch there was the second half of the talent show and there was this MOTHER FUCKING CRAZY CHICK. she did crazy kung fu. it was the most amazing thing ever. she's sisters with my friend Christine Tang. and after the talent show was done, i chatted with L ( one of my friends whom i think is very appealing and hot lol ) and that was good.
i got butterflies.
i am a total all over the place mess and Janelle and Breanne seem to find it amusing. when I on the other hand, find it really confusing and overwhelming. considering i'm not very close with any of those guys. UGH

i really really really really love that song Say It Right by Nelly Furtado.

speaking of music, i forgot my iPod at home today. at this, i was very distraught and frustrated.

after school me, Breanne and Janelle went to Subway at Northgate and got our usual meals. it's funny because last Saturday we got Subway too and we got cookies too. Breanne got the dark macadamian nut one, i got the white macadamian nut and Janelle got the M&M one. i then went into a speech on how each of our cookie selections represented each of us. take into consideration that i was not in the regular state of mind when saying that.

it seems i've been falling on the ground in laughter a lot lately. Saturday we were walking towards Subway and Breanne was facing the wrong way and i said something. and she was just like "oh yeah that's right." i fell to the ground laughing and Janelle and Breanne were in front of me so they didn't see me fall. it's one of those moments you have to be there for. the way she was so spaced out and walking and the way she said it just..
fuck lol

and today we were at Zellers in Northgate and Janelle was going to buy boxers and Breanne in that silly dress and that silly hairstyle, was hopping around randomly. i kneeled down in laughter and she came over and pushed me over in the middle of the aisle. i can honestly say i love those two.

when i first met Janelle i thought she was a little bit boring, but she is actually the funniest person ever. when she starts laughing, i cannot help myself.

i also wrote a chemistry test today which i think went totally completely well. i love organic chemistry.

anyways, i really love I DJ With The Fire by Eiffel 65. and i really love where i'm at right now. with my girls, my guys, my family.. it's just all i've been hoping for

kick myself in the butt

i really fucking hate my french teacher. i used to be his favorite student but this semester just really sucked major ass. and i keep kicking myself in the butt because it's all my fault. if i didn't deliberately switch into his class i could probably have a steady 80+ in French 30.

he's such a dick. we got our oral exams prepared and right when i go out into the hallway the first thing he says to me is "this better be good".
well fuck you too.

plus, he has his favorite students who always make him laugh and they always do so good. it makes me want to pull my hair out. he was such a jerk to me this year, seriously. he was talking to Alyssa and he told her how i've changed and lost focus.

who the hell is he to say i've lost focus?!?! he fucking has no idea what goes on in my life, and i don't know what's going on in his life. all i know is that he needs to fucking get laid.

and at interviews a while back he was like..
french teacher: she does socialize a lot and disrupts my class. i've had to move her three times
christine: yeah but i've been doing so much better
mom: is this true?
french teacher: *gives my mom a doubtful look*
christine: *looking at french teacher with jaw dropped at his ability to lie to my face in front of my mom*

FUCK THAT URGGHGHGJGHG
ERGWEHRGBEY

would you look at that

"Aquarius: A real friend will understand when you need some space, and not take it personally. Take some 'me' time and you'll be a better friend in the future."

i have weird boy situations. several of them, too. there's too many guys that tickle my fancy and i don't know what to do about any of it. here are their first initials so i can finally figure this out in my head:
L, M, B, P

hmm. well i guess it really isn't that much. it sure seemed like a whole bunch.

i think my summer target will be either B or L haha

fever

alright well, turns out i have a fever. =(

i went downstairs and watched Friends and Beverly Hills 90210. and i had to cancel the photo shoot thing with Heather, which i'm kind of bummed about.

while watching television, i saw a preview for the show Gossip Girl, you know, the books?? well, Josh Schwartz (i think that's how it's spelt, he's the director of The OC) is directing it. i am SO THERE. i'm excited.

i texted Breanne saying i have a fever and she said "Seriously! Omg! Sleep! Juice! Brandon Walsh!"
the last one made me laugh because, well, Brandon Walsh played by Jason Priestley is my favorite character on Beverly Hills. he's amazingly good-looking and a really sweet guy.

'cause i know him in real life...

my brother said i have West Nile..

'cause baby you're my #1

I've kissed the moon a million times
Danced with angels in the sky
I've seen snowfall in the summertime
Felt the healing of the powers above

I've seen the world from he highest mountain
Tasted love from the purest fountain
I've seen lips that spark desire
Felt the butterflies a hundred times

I've even seen miracles
I've felt the pain disappear
But still haven't seen anything
That amazes me quite like you do

You bring me up when I'm feeling down
You touch me deep you touch me right
You do the things I've never done
You make me wicked you make me wild
'Cause baby, your my #1

I've sailed in a perfect dream
I've seen the sun make love to the sea
I've kissed the moon a million times
Danced with angels in the sky

I've even seen miracles
I've seen the tears disappear
But still haven't seen anything
That amazes me quite like you do

unsettled

after school i went for French help with Alyssa. i came home and slept for 40 minutes. once i woke up i ate a big bowl of Special K cereal. from there it went downhill.
i was going to stay home from dance today because i had so much homework, i was going to go for choreography, but turns out i had to settle down.
after the cereal i was at the computer typing up my French oral final exam and my mom was making some food that made me want to hurl almost. so i went to my room, laid on my couch for a while. i fell asleep.

i just woke up and it was kind of funny. i was so dead, i looked dead, which is actually good since that's what Heather wants for the photo shoot she's doing tonight. so i sit down at my desk to start on my chemistry, but i decide to write first.

i put on Escape by Enrique Iglesias and i instantly felt good. those few familiar chords just absolutely made my day. you know, that song is really good. it has a really awesome beat that's good enough to release endorphins and i love those guitar pieces right after the chorus. anyways

i'm not sure why i felt unsettled today. it started in chemistry. i sat there and i could not for the life of me keep my eyes open. and then my hands went numb. i couldn't feel them and i was like what the hell because that happens to me when i'm high. i did not in any way shape or form feel high, however. i felt like shit.

i'm still trying to figure out why. maybe it's because of the cereal? the fact that i was wearing shorts today? i'm not sure...

190 seconds

yesterday at the beginning of our long walk, i decided to count how many seconds it would take for us to walk one block, and then we would divide it by 35, and that's how many seconds it would take us to get home.

for one very long block, i counted up to 190 seconds, and also annoyed the people in my surroundings.

i am trying desperately to make myself cry. here's what i'm thinking about:

- Smokey
- how Daniel and Heather are going to Italy without me, but then i always think about how good this summer will be in despite that fact
- i keep telling myself everything i'm not good at and all my flaws, but it doesn't seem to matter as much as usual
- lost relationships, but they don't seem to matter as much as usual
- summer when i was 15, that night when i thought i would die of tears lol
- dreams where my mom died and i woke up crying

BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO CRY. Heather's taking photos tonight for her photoshoot and i need to cry!!!!

i'll opt for eyedrops maybe.

30 some blocks

my neighbor's have a son in his late teens who has been trying to start the lawn mower for the past 10 minutes. he keeps pulling and pulling on that chord to get it to start, and his failure at this is making me laugh. just sitting on my couch looking out my window watching him fail. he's shirtless and he's wearing a hat. he has a nice body. he's sporting a little bit of a farmer's tan. he has a huge mop of curly hair on his head. i always have my binoculars handy, and once it was cute when he came outside to feed his dog and he was playing frisbee with him and stuff and the dog was jumping all over him. it's like in the movies.

but from what i've seen he walks funny, and his face looks funny.. and apparently he isn't capable of starting a lawn mower.

so yesterday i woke up at 9 in the morning. i had my Special K cereal and then i did my homework outside. i was outside for an hour or so and then i went inside and took a bath. i went to dance at 12:15.

we had to do choreography in partners. i hate when we do partners in ballet because i'm usually the one whose left over. it seems everyone's been able to stay close to each other but me. it's actually the most ridiculous thing. i try not to let it bother me because it's so petty and it's only ballet class. but part of me is happy i'm usually left over because i couldn't see myself pairing up with someone and having it be comfortable. it's just a whole bunch of awkwardness when i'm with any of those guys.

i was put with Taneisha. she kept walking away from me and i was confused as to what was going on. it's so dumb, it's enough to actually punch someone in the face. if this was a year ago i would never in a million years think i'd feel this way about the people who used to be my best friends. it really just makes me tell myself to fuck it. i was just happy we were able to choreograph something without too many awkward moments.

i've discovered that i really do like ballet and i like it as a nice work out, because i still want to take it next year even though i was going to quit. dance used to be about hanging out with friends. since it seems i no longer have friends at dance, it's now about dance. and i like that.

anyways, after dance i went to Breanne's house. we finished our project and around 5:30 we bussed to Sobey's to pick up Janelle. from there we walked to the park by our school and we sat on a bench and smoked two joints. then around 7 something we walked to Subway and ate. then around 8 something we walked
all
the
way
to Breann'es house. it took us almost two hours. it was a lot of fun though. at her house we did some last touches to the project and at 10:45 my mom picked me up.

at home, i watched the Friends and Beverly Hills 90210 episodes that i recorded and didn't watch yet. i ended up going to sleep at 3:15.

this morningi woke up at 10:30, ate Special K cereal and then i sat in the sun until 12:10. now i'm here.

and there's my itinerary if you so kindly care

pretend to be nice

Well he looks at me with those innocent eyes
And says it looks like you're wearing some kind of disguise
Because your hair sticks up and your shoes are untied
And I hope that you got that shirt at half price
And every word I say falls flat on the floor
I try to tell a joke, he's heard it before
And I don't think that I can take it no more
'Cause he's driving me right out my front door

I try so hard just to figure him out
But he won't tell me what he's been thinking about
And then he falls asleep on the living room couch
With his sunglasses on and his tongue hanging out
And then he disappears for a week at a time
And then he shows up just like everything's fine
And I don't get what goes on in his mind
But I'm tired of hearing the same stupid lines

Why do you do what you do to me baby
You're shaking my confidence, driving me crazy
You know if I could I'd do anything for you
Please don't ignore me, 'cause you know I adore you

Can't you just pretend to be nice
Can you at least pretend to be

576 mega bytes

that's how much room i have left on my iPod. it seems i'm running short on a lot of things.
and the hype on that spanish guy has died down a bit. i would like to think anyways. on the other hand, i've developed a liking toward a goof in my english class, and an asian i recently started talking to. do you see how i've become impulsive ??
and then there's Breanne who has dumped the 22 year old she was dating. she now wants to marry Owen, this guy she sees sometimes when she goes to play tennis. she said he's kinda abercrombie and he's in university. her mom already approves hahaha.

anyways, i'm listening to Escape by Enrique Iglesias. i'm in love with him. SERIOUSLY.

today i heightened my chances of getting skin cancer and sat in the sun for an hour. i think ever since last summer happened i've become easier to tan. because i already have a line on my back and my face got colored. i love this.

PLUS i applied for a job a few days ago and i hope to God i get it.

the goof in my english class wants to hang out this summer. and the hot asian thinks i'm a goof and i make him laugh and his laugh makes me laugh. i love his style and he likes a lot of the same stuff as me.

AND today i miraculously found twenty bucks in my wallet. can you believe that? i was so happy! and i got my bus pass today too. everything's just going really swell.

AND i love organic chemistry! my friends have no idea what they're doing and i do! it makes me feel so smart. i love times like these.

AND tomorrow i'm going to Breanne's place to finish our project and then at 6 we're going to pick up Janelle.. and well, we all know what we do when we're all together outside of school. it will lots and lots of fun!

AND i updated my photography gallery

AND today i didn't wear an ounce of foundation or tinted moisturizer. my skin has gotten amazingly better. i love it

so despite the insufficiencies on the debit card and iPod, i love life right now. love it love it

$1.47

that's how much money i have on my debit card at this moment. but fear not! i just typed up my impressive resume, which is the key to my part-time success!

i actually consider starting a revolution against resume's, simply because they're kind of a big lie. but here's what i wrote about myself:
i can describe myself as being: -organized -innovative -diligent -reliable -quick learner -sociable -intelligent -responsible
are any of those true? well, maybe the innovative one is slightly true. and the sociable one can be true at times.
i also put for my professional accomplishments..
-completed Italian 10, 20, 30 in Saturday morning classes
-participated in D.A.R.E. program (not like it ultimately taught me anything)
-ballet and tap dancer of 14 years
-received a tap scholarship
-completed Babysitting courses
-went to a week long Bible Camp
-honor student

my mother made the last one very clear to me that it is VERY IMPORTANT WHEN LOOKING FOR JOBS. and i quite like the Bible camp one. that was a fun week and i love God. except it makes me look like a hardcore church groupie or something.
for volunteering i put the two church dinners i helped at and Breakforth Canada (that Christian concert thing), which also adds to my church groupie image. it's cool though, if someone believes in God, nothing can go wrong!

i have put together a list of people (dead or alive) who i absolutely love and idolize. oh my God i just pulled out the loooongest eyelash. ok, here goes:
1) Andy Warhol
2) Che Guevara
3) Edward Norton
4) Wade Robson

none are female, but Andy Warhol was a homosexual. i tried thinking of what female i could put up there.. Oprah came to mind but that's a realy obvious, unoriginal choice... Mother Theresa? hahahahahhaha. umm.. i thought of my mom. oh my GOD i pulled out another long eyelash! see, now i keep playing with my eyelashes to see if any other lashes will come out. i'm ridiculous. umm.. i don't know, i would have to probably say my mother.

me and Breanne were discussing today, whose closest to who. it started with me explaining to her how i told my brother how i feel about his girlfriend sometimes. Breanne asked me if he's closer to me or her. i said "oh, definitely me." and i meant it. i mean, yeah she is his girlfriend BUT we share the same blood and saliva, and just like there's Daddy's Girl's, there's also Little Sisters. and that, my friends, is irreplacable and something that is most definitely not ignored. that is my reasoning.
and then Breanne said that her brother would probably go for girlfriend over little sister. i said if i was in a situation where i had to choose, i would probably pick family over friends. first i said my mom, and then i generalized it to my family.
the thing is, my mom is my rock. yes she gets on my nerves more often than not, but when i'm truly down, or in pain, it's her comfort that ultimately makes me feel better... or makes me feel the worst if she doesn't think i deserve her pity and comfort. of course there's my brother, who is probably more important than my mom simply because he'll be part of my life for a very long time and we share childhood memories and i can tell him anything and everything.
my dad is also important to me, but it's a different type of importance. me and him are probably most alike in our family because we like to keep to ourselves sometimes, but in very social situations we blossom into social butterflies. my dad is more laid back like i am, and we often share those silent drives in the truck. not awkward silences, but nice and comfortable silences that i love so much. i feel as if we have a secret alliance almost. when my mom gets mad at me, he is usually on my side, and when my mom gets mad at him, i am usually on his side. and if my mom tells me to do something, it might take me a very long time to do it, but if my dad were to ask me, i do it right away, just because it's him and i'm never upset to do anything for him.

anyways, WOW that was a really dumb entry. i'll finish this off by quoting what Breanne said today..

"you Italians and your families!"

good day

so i'm really sick. i have almost no voice and the concert didn't really help me out at all.
on a positive note, my brother finally came to visit last night and he gave me my presents that he got me from New York. he got me an I heart NY t-shirt, a Kid Rocket collectable toy, and my favorite thing ever: an andy warhol movie poster. ITS BEAUTIFUL

Julie called me and we talked for an hour or so. it was really good, because i haven't seriously talked to her in a really long time.. or hung out with her, for that matter. she's a really sweet girl and one of my closest friends and i was really happy that we had a heart to heart kind of phone conversation. it was long over due. and i love her so.

we went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End at 10:45 pm and on the way there i told him about my marijuana encounters, hoping he wouldn't get mad. i told him only about my first time and then he laughed and said he's done it too, more than once. so i told him the truth and said i've smoked it more than once. he just laughed, and told me the best way to smoke a joint. it had something to do with a blade or knife.. i don't remember. but it was interesting and i was glad i got it out and everything was good.

after the movie, which ended at 1:45 or so, we came home and he picked up leftover food to bring over to his girlfriends, and we sat in our foyer and petted Boots and played around with him for awhile. kind of a bonding experience, yesterday was. then he was going to leave and i gave him one last hug.

it was a good day

bonkers

oh my fucking god. The Killers made my fucking life tonight. i have never screamed so much in my life and i sang until i felt like my lungs would explode into my head.

every moment of tonight was absolutely perfect, and i couldn't have asked for a better evening. and it wouldn't have been the same without Breanna.

we probably looked like a bunch of fools, however, since it was us and a few others in our section who were actually "raising the roof" and singing and going absolutely totally completely BONKERS.

but it's ok. my life is complete now. i can die

te quiero mucho

i haven't really written anything useful lately. i like writing something good a couple times a week instead of random stuff everyday. the problem with that, though, is that i never remember anything memorable to document.
my brother comes back from New York tonight.

my mom says i can't go out until final exams are over. to be quite honest, i'm fine with it. i avoid arguing with her at all costs because i've learned she's easier to get along with if i just swallow my pride, let her yell at me, and not say anything back. took me long enough to learn my lesson...

the weekends are horrible. HORRIBLE. i'll be really good for the week and then the weekend comes up and i'm so tempted to stuff my face with everything in sight. food has magic powers. i look forward to eating good food. food takes over people's lives. food ruins people's lives. it's so like... powerful. just that taste and texture on your tastebuds is so tempting and can ruin you. my mom says i have no will power. she is half right. i have will power during the week, but on the weekends i'm the worst. and i know it too but it seems for that moment that the taste of that ice cream is so much better than the feeling of fitting into that old pair of jeans.
i even started doing sit ups. the one thing i dread. i can run for an hour if i wanted, do arm exercises, leg excercises.. but i dread sit ups or any type of ab workout. i feel this way simply because i feel like i've dug myself into a hole that isn't worth getting out of.

so i thought for sure it was a lost cause with this guy at my school, UNTIL he lingered behind me when i was at Breanne's locker this morning. and then i got that spark of hope within my being that is enough to ruin my whole thought processes for the whole day. Breanne even got mad at me. she gets mad at me a lot lol. i have such a complusive attitude. like on Friday we hung out and i was "far from the ground" and i kept laughing and talking really loud in public places so she just told me "Christine just shut up already!"
and i laughed. and then she laughed. and then it was just a continuing thing. we watched Shrek 3 on friday and i do not remember one thing from it. i did laugh a lot at random parts, which contributed to Breanne's annoyance and irritation.

so we got evacuated from school again today. THIS IS SO LAME. i've never just wanted to sit in school from morning to afternoon without interruption until now. it's getting old and i just want to LEARN.

the killers concert tomorrow. i'm pretty excited. i'm trying to keep my excitement on the downlow because i usually get myself worked up so much and it never turns out the way i expected.

so Pablo told me to walk up to that guy i like and be like "hey, te quiero mucho"
see what i mean, i keep thinking about it. it's insanity

i don't know what else to tell you since my brain is constantly clouded by this pondering of his signs and what he's thinking. and what i should do to fix this pickle that i am currently in

god i love Enrique Iglesias. them spanish men are ruining me. like food

piece five

"when i was in elementary, i wanted to be a junior high kid. when i was in junior high i wanted to be with the cool high schoolers, and now in high school, it's not as thrilling as i made it out to be. when my philosophical side kicks in, i think life is just a bunch of pre-conceived notions of what the future might hold, we want more and more than what we've already received... striving to achieve these almost impossible notions. it's like we're always so focused on what's going to happen and what has happened that we never really think about right now. i've learned that movies are brilliant when you aren't expecting it. i've told people about how amazing my favorite movies are, only to be let down when they said they weren't all that great. i'm pretty positive everything that we do in our youth will be reflected in our old age. how ironic, though, that tomorrow i plan to sit in the sun for a few hours... as one of the people who make up the naive teenager statistics. someone's gotta do it right?"

sexy

i really like Enrique Iglesias.. his look, his music.. and i don't care what anyone has to say about that.

happy

Pablo gave me another long distance call tonight !

he makes me so happy
:)

piece four

"all i wanted at the time was to fit in with the guys and tomboy. so i sacrificed barbies for knee pads and a goalie mask to play street hockey. i even learned the game of football between 5 people and i thought i was pro at catching those little, foamy footballs. i realized there was more than barbies, "house" and "school" and it was nice to go outside in the fresh air. then i entered the world of video games. Sega Genesis, to be more specific. And Mortal Kombat, to be even more specific. i always wanted to be like my brother.. i listened to the rap music he did, even to this day i wonder if i'm doing things for me, or because my brother's doing it. out of both of us though, i am definitely the trouble maker and the one whose probably caused the most family kerfuffle's, as most teenage girls do."