my brother just sent me a text message from New York saying he is in a club with Bow Wow
i am so JEALOUS. he said he's going to bring me there. what's the legal age in New York ??? hopefully i'd be able to go next year.. ya know, after January and i turn 18 ...
:D
"At a first glance, you would never think that i am dancer of fourteen years. it used to be my life until i realized there's more in life to fret about than stage fright. i keep old love notes and sentimentals. they can be good pick me ups, but also massive downers when all you've wanted for so long is that person.. or rather, that feeling you had when you were with them. i've done my share of travelling and i still can't get enough. don't you ever feel so trapped in a place like this ? i mean, there's so much to see and do that the seeds in your grapes, the raisins in your cinnamon bun, and the crust on your bread shouldn't matter one bit. i remember in grade one, the thing i wanted most was a portable cassette player. i even wrote stories about a princess named Tiffany who wished for one. my mom bought me one for Christmas. i was also the typical, selfish, spoiled little sister. i want things my way all the time and i get upset when it isn't my way. i live for those family dinners at special occassions... the alcoholic egg nog on Christmas Eve after church, Chinese food on New Years, the egg cracking game at Easter. i miss those ridiculous pouffy dresses my mom used to dress me in for Easter. my cousin, Jocelyn, was such a tomboy she threw a tantrum on her first communion when she had to wear a dress. i threw tantrums when my brother, Jocelyn and her brothers would build forts and not let me in."
alright so today was a nothing day.
me and Breanne always talk about how our mornings are always full of nothing. i always have english in the mornings and lately all we've been doing is sitting around doing nothing. same thing happens in Cosmetology and Psychology. so my mornings are the biggest wastes of time.
anyways, this morning was the same. i had a spare in english so i had Psychology and then spare, so i was with Tyler and i helped paint his project like last time. he's doing a zen garden and it looks like it's going to be really sweet. during this spare, the fire alarm went so we all got evacuated.. THIRD TIME IN THREE WEEKS.
so i was with Catie and Hai outside and Breanne and her brother came to pick me up. he took us to northgate and we stayed there for maybe 20 minutes until Tyler came to northgate and Breanne went home while me and Tyler went to St. Matthews. we hung out with Amanda and Sam until we went back to our school.
after school, i met Breanne at northgate and from there we met up with Andre and his friend Ryan at Londonderry where they picked us up and he gave us a hook up lol
it was fun.
and they dropped us off at Clareview. we walked around for a bit, got some Subway and then we went to see Shrek 3. it wasn't all that great. was way too cheesy and Justin Timberlake doesn't have a very good voice for cartoon movies haha.
after that we sat at Northgate for a bit and then i went to Clareview where my mom picked me up and now i'm here.
home alone, too. my parents are at my aunt's and my brother's in New York.
what shall i do...
damn i love that guy so much.
i was talking to Pablo on msn and we were on webcam too. and that guy just simply makes my day.
i was telling him my embarrassing moments, and i was like, "you gotta listen to this", so he cups his hand around his ear and puts it close to the webcam
fuck it was so funny. and then he got out his hat and hair bands and started putting them on. he has this afro and stuff, so funny. whats so funny about him is that he does things so bluntly. like he has this simple smile and this hilarious haircut and it's just the most awesome thing in this WHOLE WORLD.
it's sad though.. i miss him like, lots.
it's like midnight where he is so he had to go. he was writing a dentist appointment note so he could get out of english and french tomorrow. and then i took a picture of him on webcam and he saw me so he put up a "CENSORED" sign on his webcam. and he has the cutest smile in the world haha
and it was cute
when he had to go he blew me a kiss and he told me to catch it
:blush:
so me and Breanne have this obsession with Beverly Hills 90210.
she was talking about it last week and i decided to watch it and i've been watching it this whole week.
and it's really quite good.
and Brandon is really cute.... :blush:
we're actually texting back and forth right now debating who is hotter. she thinks Dylan's hot but personally, i think his forehead is too big and he's kinda scrawny looking.
Brandon (played by Jason Priestley) is definitely sexier lol
731st blog entry. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ?!
" i am very in tune with my emotions... i squeeze emotion out of every life situation thrown at me, however this screws me over time and time again, and also contributes to my drama queen image. i want to be one extreme and also the opposite extreme, so it leaves me confused as to where the balance is. reminiscing of times passed is something i do as voluntary as breathing or blinking. i still think about experiences with my first boyfriend, Pablo; the second and longest relationship, Trevor; the one who changed me for the better, Tyler; the one who made me realize i'm not the only clingy one, Robert; the one who made me happiest, Stephane; the longest fling and most important intimate relationship i've ever had, Joe; the one who made me pull my hair out at his stupidity, Jordan. Maybe more to come, who knows. my first kiss was in kingergarten, my second in grade one, and my third in grade two with a popular guy at my high school who is too cool to talk to me. my first real kiss in grade nine. my life can't be evaluated on kisses, however, beacuse kisses mean nothing in the end. i have a best friend who lives on the other side of the country. His name is Pablo and i miss him dearly. he might be my date for graduation next year. there are lots of important people in my life. some i've known before i could even think for myself, others i've known for a semester and a half."
also during these productive English classes, me and Breannemade a list of all our boyfriends, flings, crushes.. ever since grade one. in total, i have kissed 11 people (not including female), i've had 5 relationships and the rest were flings.. or something like that, i don't quite totally remember.
and then we wrote our first names with the last names of all the guys we had on our list since grade one.
it was a very cool thing that made me feel like a first grader again.
alright so i haven't written in a long time. it feels like i have, though because Tuesday night i was up for hours writing. i'm still debating whether or not i should put some of it up here. it's really long.. so maybe i'll put it up in pieces.
piece one: I really want to write something good you know. i watched Running With Scissors, a guy with this unbelievable life wrote a book, a memoir, about his life. i want that. i'm not sure my life really qualifies for that kind of thing. but it definitely has quirks and details that i really shouldn't leave out. i've had those relationships gone bad scenarios, those intentional fights for fun, teen angst moments, those odd coincidences, the grade two crushes, the weird exes who tease me to this day and the ones i don't talk to anymore. i also have those ended friendships, the deaths of cats and the absense of a brother. i even have a slow computer that forces me to write on printer paper, and i also have a marvelous collection of music that people could never duplicate.. also a collection of stickers, pogs and rocks. i grew up as a catholic girl in the ghetto and later in life, moved to an acreage in a beautiful house built by my father. my interests are ironic in the way that i love art but could not draw to save my life..."
i had a dance competition yesterday leading me to miss a day of school for three minutes on stage. we ended up with silver. so i've had three competitions.. two i got gold and the last one silver.
i just went for a 35 minute run interrupted by the viewing of America's next Top Model. Jaslene won.. i was hoping Natasha would win, but i liked both of them a lot and was just glad Renee didn't win. my goodness i hate her.
did you know food cravings only last 4- 12 minutes?? if you can resist food for 4- 12 minutes, then you're home free.
i'm not sure what else to write. except that today Brayden gave me his bus pass :D yay i was so happy because i lost mine and he said he would give me his if he passed his driving test.
me and Breanne laughed today because our whole morning was absolute nothingness. first block we had English, we sat around and talked.. second block she came with me to cosmetology... we just sat around and talked... third block was English and we sat around and talked.
we're supposed to be doing a project and me Breanne and Janelle have decided we are going to do paper mache. that's going to be so much fun. i think the last time i did paper mache was .. grade 3.
since Janelle is going camping this weekend me and Breanne are gonna go buy the supplies. and Friday we're wanting to go see Shrek 3.
during these productive english classes, we also made a list of the things we are going to do this summer. we're going to go to the valley zoo, the art gallery, the museum, klondike days, the art festival, street performers, the fringe... all those fascinating Edmonton events.......... haha
after school, handed in my last religion module (YAY DONE RELIGION FOR GOOD ) after me and Breanne ate at Smitty's. we were served by an ugly beginner named Adrian who kept fucking CLICKING HIS PEN
so tonight we had a big dinner.
My brother and Heather were over and my brother's friends came over too. Alex (the australian, and Jonathon). we ate in the dining room and my mom made lasagna and my dad made barbeque and all that good stuff. they all ended up leaving at 10 pm after discussing hilarious job site stories when my brother and his friends worked for my dad and such.
being around my brother and his friends and just the good times we all talked about and the things going on in their lives.. it makes me feel like such an insignificant detail.
i guess it's all part of growing up, of course.
i'm happy i have my parents to talk to. i washed my hair in the sink and i walked to the kitchen where they were. i asked them if it made them sad. if it made them sad that time goes by so fast. i told them i feel like an only child, that my life as a high school student is so insignificant.
i mean, i know i'll have a life like my brother's when i'm older. but most people don't get to see that first-hand. i see it almost everyday. i used to be able to go downstairs and hang out with my brother whenever i wanted. he has a girlfriend now and he basically lives there. i don't like having the permission to take over his bedroom. i don't want that.
i don't get how my parents aren't sad though. i know my brother isn't permanently moved out, but don't they feel abandoned?? i know i do.
it gives me that tension in the throat. you know when you don't want to cry, your throat tenses up? i feel so alone. i just want to get to that point in my life. seeing my brother's life makes me think where i am right now is so incredibly lame. it's like, ridiculously lame and it makes me frustrated... seeing all these people who are so oblivious to life after high school. they think everything is going to come so easy and they think they're all cool because they're in high school. i am so totally over it all.
what happens at this point in my life is nothing. and everyone seems to think everything's the hugest deal. i'm sick of girls who think they know everything when they know nothing. i just can't wait for all this hype to be done with so i can go on and meet new people who are like me, and just to do what i like to do. i want to be legal, an adult, living under my parents roof but experiencing life like my brother does. i want to find someone who... i don't know. just makes me happy.
when i have friends over for dinner, they eat and get up and no discussion is ever come into play. i just want that kind of dinner where it isn't awkward... where real things are discussed.
it's 11:13 pm. i still have to finish reading some chapters. i'm going to clean my room and maybe change it around or do something with it. it's going to be a late night.
but i love late nights
After sex the bitter taste
Been fooled again, the search continues
Concerned mothers of the west,
Teach your sons, how to truly love.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
ONLY IN CANADA...
Only in Canada do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Canada......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke...go figure!
Only in Canada do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Canada do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in Canada .....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight!
Only in Canada do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in Canada......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.....Yikes!
i need to get myself together and just TALK to the guy. i'm making myself go nuts.
i have to make this summer worthwhile.
me and Breanne want to take fencing. we're going to suntan on her roof all summer long, i'll be pro at getting off the motor home.. i promise i won't get stuck on her roof again.
next weekend is May long weekend. plan is to go camping.
POSITIVE THOUGHTS CHRISTINE
it's mother's day tomorrow. i thought about the last time i actually hugged my mother. i can't remember. she hugged me a couple days... i don't really hug her though. i'm planning to tomorrow though. and i made her a card. not just the regular card's saying NUMBER ONE MOM and all that bullshit. i wrote her a personal letter. i made the outside cheesy though, so at a first glance you'd think "oh god another useless card" but when you open it it's heartfelt.
i saw a thing on a guy's nexopia page about emo's. and then it showed pictures of Africans. it talked about how people slit their wrists over things that are really minor in the big scheme of life. i think we're spoiled. we as in United States and Canada. we have way too much for our own good, that we find things to complain about. we aren't grounded at all. we are very weak-willed people and when things don't go our way we get upset. i just think it's pure ridiculousness.
tonight we all went out for dinner at Tasty Tomato. a small home-style Italian restaurant. it was me, Heather, Daniel and my parents. it was really good food. and of course, we talked about my brother's trip to Europe this summer with Heather. it always gets me really down. it's depressing. not really the fact that they're going without me (well yeah i guess it kinda is because of that) but also because i feel like an only child. my brother doesn't even live here anymore.. i spend a lot of time in his room and i even sleep in there sometimes... it's just really sad. i feel abandoned almost. and on the ride after dinner to my aunt's place, i realized that i have a big fear of being left alone or abandoned. it's been proven true in all my relationships... sometimes i think i subconsciously screw up good relationships to avoid being the one abandoned. it doesn't hurt to abandon someone, but it does hurt being the one abandoned.
i mean, i'm sure everyone doesn't like being left alone, but i think i go to extreme measures to avoid it. sometimes i wish i didn't get along with my brother so well so him not being around wouldn't be so bad. it sucks thinking about it... you don't want to grow up. my mom's brothers live in Europe, it makes me think what will happen with me and Daniel?
sometimes i'm just plain jealous of him. his freedom, his relationships.. i know i'll have that one day too, but i just compare his life with mine (which is like comparing apples and oranges), and it gets me rather depressed.
i feel like mowing the lawn
Positive Traits:
• Friendly and humanitarian
• Honest and loyal
• Original and inventive
• Independent and intellectual
Negative Traits:
• Intractable and contrary
• Perverse and unpredictable
• Unemotional and detached
Aquarius Likes: fame and recognition, personal privacy, rainbows, dreams, magic, change for its own sake, eccentricity, surprises, and living within their means despite the many temptations which constantly surround them every waking moment.
Aquarius Dislikes:emotion and intimacy, people who show off, being taken for granted, being pinned down, violence and fighting, and senseless or purposeless extravagance of any sort.
A typical Aquarius has the attribute of intense desire to communicate. You are a bit tactless and rude if you don't learn to moderate your constant broadcasting around those whose opinions may be a bit more on the conservative side. You are interesting and attractive. You can be shy, sensitive, gentle and patient or enthusiastic and lively with a tendency to be exhibitionists. Both types are strong willed and forceful in its own way. You are very opinionated with strong convictions and fight for what you believe. You are farsighted and innovative. You are generally without prejudice and quite tolerant of others' point of view. They are good listeners, and care deeply for their friends. To people they are not close to however, they can be somewhat detached. The Aquarius sun sign is true blue and loyal. They are one of the first to sign up to serve their country, and will give their lives defending her.
You are truly humane and known to be frank and outspoken. You are refined and idealistic, romantic and practical, personable and likable person. Being quick in mind and responding, you love activity and are quite reasonable in that. They can be counted on to come up with original ideas. They make good designers and inventors as well as musicians. These intellectuals excel in the arts as well as the technical trades. You cherish and guard your independence and are a strange mixture of caring concern and cool detachment. You will go out of your way to help when needed but will never get emotionally involved.
Appearance
A typical Aquarius female has broad shoulders and a highly defined bone structure. You have long, graceful, swanlike neck. You have a wide variety of interests and because of such characteristic, you find it easy to identify and commune with people from all cultures and walks of life. This allows you to accept many different view points with ease on any given question. Most Aquarian women are lovely, with a haunting, wistful beauty. Aquarian females are often the most beautiful women in the zodiac. At the very least, they're interesting-looking. The Aquarian manner of dressing can stop you dead in your tracks.
Personality
You have lack of self-confidence, and tend to overly rely upon semi-mystical divination systems to tell you what to do on daily basis.
Love
An Aquarius female has high standards and insist on being treated with respect. You will never compromise in any case. You are sensitive, intellectual and you like parties and people. You are honest, direct and will tolerate anything for those whom you care about or whom you love. You are a very generous person, always willing to offer advice to those in need. You do require great deal of love and companionship, but on your terms. You are not that eager to marry and you seek intellectual stimulation foremost.
Career
Aquarius women may not find their kind of occupation for a long time and they switch from one profession to another. Professions that allow you to be free and creative may be best for them, so at one point, they may consider working as a stewardess, do special effects for the film industry, or choose a profession that has to do with the occult.
Famous Aquarians (that i care about)
| January 20, 1920 | Frederico Fellini | Director |
| January 21, 1905 | Christian Dior | Designer |
| January 26, 1961 | Wayne Gretsky | Hockey Star |
| January 27, 1766 | Wolfgang Mozart | Composer |
| January 29, 1954 | Oprah Winfrey | TV Host |
| January 30, 1882 | Franklin D. Roosevelt | President US |
| February 4, 1948 | Alice Cooper | Musician |
| February 6, 1911 | Ronald Reagan | President US |
| February 6, 1915 | Zsa Zsa Gabor | Celebrity |
| February 7, 1812 | Charles Dickens | Writer |
| February 8, 1931 | James Dean | Actor |
| February 9, 1943 | Joe Pesci | Actor |
| February 12, 1809 | Abraham Lincoln | President US |
| February 12, 1908 | Charles Darwin | Evolutionist |
| February 18, 1954 | John Travolta | Actor |
Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun
I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one
so Joe got a cell phone ! we texted until 1 am and it reminded me of old times. bittersweet.
this morning i sat with Tracy in Student Services on those comfortable couches and guess who walked in ?!
.. the guy i like. he sat down at the table and wrote something on a sheet he picked up and when he left he looked at me for a split second and i would've said hi but... he never looks at me long enough to actually do that. this situation really gets to me. Joe gave me some pointers.
so first block i had Psychology. we marked our tests, Catie handed them out and i just happened to get my own test.... so i ended up with 78/81. then we started our projects. in my group i have Catie, Hai and Marek. it should be good times. Hai is hilarious.
then we had english class and YET AGAIN we got evacuated. me Breanne and Janelle ditched and went to her house. but we stopped at Corner Foods and go ID'ed hahaha. but it worked so it was all good.
anyways, at her house we made these really really really good wraps with lettuce and chicken and cheese and such. yum
after that, we went outside. it was so nice so we decided to go on the roof of her garage. well first we tried the traditional way she always does it, but the motor home wasn't parked close enough to the fence so we got the keys and with Janelle in the driver's seat and me in the passengers seat and Breanne outside to yell instruction, we started the motor home.
and it didn't start. so we had to think of something else. we got the ladder from the garage and put it against the motor home. it worked ! so we jumped onto the motor home and then onto the roof. we sat there for about 30 minutes and then we decided to get down. WHICH WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY THE LEAST.
yes, you guessed it. we were stuck on Breanne's roof. she called Justin. he couldn't come help us. so Breanne jumped off the motor home. me and Janelle were just sitting there like "you're crazy. there's no way i'm jumping off." Janelle is actually the funniest person ever. seriously. she's so quiet, you'd never think much of her but when you get to know her, the way she says things... so bluntly and without expression, it's the funniest thing in the world. so Breanne was telling me to jump and Janelle was like "NO don't jump. 'cause that means i have to jump too." so after probably 15 minutes of sitting on the motor home me and Janelle concluded that this was a very stressful situation... whether to try to reach the ladder or jump. Breanne even got us pillows and blankets and life jackets to break our fall. nothing convinced me. so i ended up using the ladder and all my clothes got filled with dust and eventually, Janelle eased herself into jumping.
it was the funniest thing in the world. and so much fun. we had to pee from all the excitement. anyways, so it was like 1:15 by the time we got down and we bussed to Sobey's at 1:37 to take Janelle to work. after that, me and Breanne planned to go to Abbotsfield.
we saw Brayden at northgate and we all chatted. he works with the guy i was dating a month ago. and since i really don't like him, Brayden is going to tell him that me and him are dating to say what he says haha.
and then the Abbotsfield bus came and that's when i realized i lost my bus pass. i was so pissed off because i can't stand losing shit. so we didn't go. instead we got McFluury's at northgate. her mom picked us up and when i got to her house my mom was pissed so i left. i took the bus to northgate, from there i took the bus to clareview, and after waiting 30 minutes at clareview (like i usually do), i bussed it to evergreen. from there i walked halfway to my house and then my brother and Heather picked me up. it was a good walk.
today was so warm and nice it was awesome. i was outside a lot so hopefully i got some sun =D
alright so, so far, you've heard of this:
Day one: get embarrassed by saying "i like your sneakers".. receiving a funny look and no response
Day two: get embarrassed when Breanne yells out his name i say hi.. receiving a funny look and no response
Day three (today) : Tyler whistling at him because i think he's hot. he turns around and i say hi.. and gives another funny look and still no response
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
Alyssa says that it's awkward because everyone else is doing the speaking for me. it's like.. everyone knows but him. she makes a ton of sense and i was an emotional spastic mess before she told me this.
today was filled with high's and low's. i was perfectly fine until chemistry rolled around and i got my progress report. my mark in that class is 77%. i was pretty bummed, not because it's a 77% because that's really not that bad but because i have a test tomorrow and i know NOTHING. it's like you're not feeling too well one day so you don't really pay attention and then it comes back and bites you in the ass and you wish you were listening that day.
then i had french and i was kinda bummed still.
i sit right in front of Mr F's podium right under his nose and this girl sits beside me and she is seriously weird. weirder than me and in a bad way. for her 18th birthday party she went to Boston Pizza. and she puts on a different lip gloss every five minutes. she probably has like 20 in that ugly purse of hers. she needs to give her lips a break. they probably don't even produce natural oils anymore.
anyways, after school, Breanne and Matt were gonna play tennis and me, Brayden and Janelle were gonna go too but it was cold today so we decided against it, and once we got to northgate it was nice out. great timing hey. well lucky for me, as Breanne was explaining chemistry to me in the food court, Emily and Olivia joined us and then guess who else showed up?!
the guy i like. they were all telling me to go say hi but i'm a huge chicken. and then Breanne, being the lovely girl she is, yelled out his name (he was sitting two tables away from us with his friends), and he looked over and she said hi and then i just gave him this smile and waved haha. so weird. but when i left he turned around to look at me.. except he didn't say anything. GAWD he's so sexy. it makes me go crazy !!!!!!!!
at least that was over, and now hopefully i can say hi to him in the hallway with some confidence. then me and Breanne were outside and we were talking about Emily's 22 year old boyfriend. he was at northgate with us, he's pretty cool. and then we had a huge outburst of laughter and hugs and "i love you's". me and Breanne seriously think the EXACT SAME THING. i told her to get out of my head. we were at Shoppers Drug Mart once and i showed her the hair dye i used last, and she said she had used the exact same one. i mean, out of ALL HAIR COLORS AND BRANDS in the world, she used the one i did. we're seriously like... i don't even know the word, or else she's been stalking me my whole life.
but i love her to death. it's funny though because this weekend we had a big kerfuffle over the tickets to The White Stripes. like a big fight lol (because i thrive on conflict as she likes to say), but it doesn't seem to affect us. we get into disagreements (very rarely though) but she's really chill and i'm really stubborn that we just click that way. and once she lets down a bit, i let down a bit and say sorry for being so dramatic lol
we're a good couple. but i think i'd be a better couple with....
i walked up to Jazmin and Brittany in the hallway this morning, looking all presentable with my hair straightened and nice, slimming clothes on (thank God) and we started chatting when the guy i like was walking behind her. she was supposed to introduce us (she earlier told him that one of her friends wanted to meet him because she liked his sneakers), and my heart was almost outside of my chest cavity when i said, "hey i really like your sneak-- oh you're not wearing them today! well then.." those were the first words i've ever said to him. nice first impression...
followed by an awkward silence for anyone who could not hear my heart beating. Jazmin threw in a pity laugh while he pretty much stared at me as if i was a unicorn. then something went on while i was replaying the horrid event in my head, leading me to not know what happened next, but he eventually walked away from us. then i began to discuss how ridiculously ridiculous the previous event was. i was facing Jazmin and he walked behind me and ALL OF A SUDDEN she goes "oh my God! he just checked you out!" and i kinda gave her a punch and said "you're such a liar, don't tell me that shit." and Brittany went on to say "now she's gonna walk down the hallways like this" and she demonstrated her version of me walking like a hoochie which resembled her taking a shit lol.
and then, at lunch me, Breanne, Janelle, Daleen and Tyler were outside. we came inside and he walked right past me and did not even look at me! i mean, after what i said to him earlier i at least deserve a glance. at this, my heart sank to great depths. but only to come back up again. we were at Breanne's locker and i was diagonally to the locker and i saw him walk by and as he walked by he kinda looked towards me. he was walking with a friend and he kinda lingered looking at me and the people around me for about 3 seconds. (like one 1000, two 1000, three 1000..) and once i turned around he ran to catch up with his friend. and i was like DAMNIT i could have turned around to say hi or something. i really just want to say hi to him or give him a friendly nod, you know? just to get that out of the way. like UGH
Jazmin said i have to say hi to him because he doesn't initiate interaction. GREAT, maybe i could roll right up to him and start another ridiculous conversation. that reminds me, my friend Sam had a crush on this guy once and she talked to him before hand on msn and she was like "when i talk to you i'll probably say something really dumb like, how's the ceiling??" then when she saw him at our dance after party, she was like "How's the ceiling?" and he just gave her a funny look.
i definitely think i should pull a "how's the ceiling?" pick-up line with this guy. i'm not quite sure i embarrassed myself enough yet.
PLUS, i told my friend Bri the story and she was like "oh my God that's so dumb. why do you call them sneakers? why didn't you say shoes?"
everyone always laughs when i call shoes sneakers. is there REALLY a big deal? i mean, that's ultimately what they are. UGH
other than this, my day went quite smooth. my kooky english teacher sang us some of her famous songs. she's actually hilarious, even if she doesn't really do a lot as a teacher, she's a really loveable teacher. and she seriously makes me crack up sometimes.
then i skipped Psychology because block 4 Cosmetology had a guest speaker. and she was good. i learned so much and my whole perspective on hair products has totally changed. she was funny too. she works for ISO.
i didn't work out today, however. i bussed home from Northgate and ran on the treadmill for twenty minutes. this diet is going very well. it's only day two and i've lost 4 pounds ! although i'm almost positive i just happened to check my weight at the time of day when our weight is less than usual. which theoretically would be.. at the time it says on the bottom of this post
PS. i watched The Departed this weekend. i watched twenty minutes of it two weekends ago and it wasn't that great but i watched it all this weekend and it was pretty good. it takes me a bit to get into those kind of action movies. this was twisted, and i was SO not expecting the bang-bang-bang- everyone's dead scene. had a ton of very sexy, very talented actors (Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg) which made it that much more enjoyable.
i love my brother. he told me if i ever want to hang out to give him a call and he'd come get me.
that's never happened before
i just watched BET Top 25 Dancers Of All Time and was inspired to get in touch with the classics. so i'm downloading the discographies for Michael Jackson and Prince.
i'm also downloading Aaliyah. you know, i was inspired to get into some black classic music toppers. what i'm currently trying to look for is Savion Glover. he's a tap dancer, but if i could only get some music with his rythym's too, it would be AWESOME. damn. it asked if i was searching for Saving Lover haha
gotta get some Missy Elliot for sure. i dunno if i should get some Tina Turner, i know my mom kinda likes her.
i was thinking maybe some Omarion. i mean, i hate the guy but then i saw him and stuff and i was like Wow maybe he isn't so bad. but for right now, the last thing i need to be doing is downloading more stuff. i'm already over flowing. URGH i wish i had more space on my iPod.
major venting needs to be done.
so after calling my brother yesterday, he was able to get me two tickets. one for me and one for someone who i would invite. right?
ok
so turns out, my family's going to Jasper that weekend. so i might go with them, and i might not, if i can weasle them into letting me stay here. so i might have to sell the tickets.
i told Breanne this, and she said if i'm not going she isn't going.
and then i was like, what ?
why wouldn't you wanna go. it's the fucking White Stripes, right.
ok
things like that make me angry. she said she'd sell her ticket if i wasn't going, which i don't get, because i'm selling both of them to the same person. not many people buy just one single ticket.
but what really gets to me is that she would only go to the concert under certain circumstances. i mean, The White Stripes are a big time band and it makes me mad when people who "kind of" like them jip the chances of another person who "really loves them".
just to see Jack White live would make me go crazy. i love him to death and i think he's one of the most talented guitarist's there are today.
and then she started getting mad at me for making it a big deal. ok, maybe fighting over concert tickets is really lame, but concerts are a HUGE deal for me. the same thing happened with my tickets to The Killers. i was supposed to go with Will but it got to me that he seemed to not really care. like knowing i have tickets to The Killers and to The White Stripes makes me want to seriously jump for joy. i guess there aren't many people like me.
but what i'm saying is that concerts are a big deal to me and not just some place to spend time at. it's just how i see things.
another thing that happened today. i put my pillow sheets to be washed right, and i was looking for them and i asked my mom where she put them. she said she couldn't remember. so i looked where the pillow sheets usually go. they weren't there, and they weren't in the laundry room either. so she must have put it somewhere kind of complicated if i can't find them where they usually would be. the fact she couldn't remember, irritated me because of simple logistics.
when you put something somewhere it belongs, it's easy to find and it doesn't take much brain power to put it where it belongs. to put something somewhere where no one can find them takes brain power, so usually you'd remember something like that.
i'm so agitated today. and i'm not even PMSing.
HOLY FUCK TODAY WAS SO CRAZY.
Psychology was pretty good and then sitting in English they had the announcements on to get out of the school within the next ten minutes. first thing i did was look at Breanne and she had this huge smile on her face and i was like "WTF we get the rest of the day of?!?! i'm going to your place!"
Matt was laughing and in the hallway a cafeteria lady yelled at me to get off my phone. i just started laughing and then me, Breanne and Janelle were waiting for the bus to northgate but we decided to walk instead. it never really phased me as to what was happening because to be quite honest, i was pre-occupied with the thought of being able to get tickets to the White Stripes. the tickets went on sale at 10 this morning. Luckily for me, my brothers girlfriend was getting tickets for a friend so she got me two tickets too. CRAZY HEY. i talked to my brother while waiting for the bus that ended up not coming, and i told him what happened in our school and shit. he told me to be careful and i felt reassured... and then he said he was gonna try to get me tickets haha. that's gonna be an amazing show. 'cept it's June 30th and that's the long weekend when my family's going to Jasper, so i got angry and told my mom that i was getting a job anyways so how on earth would i be able to go to Jasper ??
she makes the weirdest, most non-sensical trips ever. i mean, it's along weekend, 3 days to go to Calgary, Jasper and Banff. i just looked at her and she asked me what was wrong and i just told her how ridiculous that trip is. she always does that too, she crams all these things in one weekend thinking it'll be a lot of fun, when we could just drive around our own city for 3 days and have the same experience... since that whole weekend is probably going to be spent in the van driving from one place to the next.
wow
anyways, as i was saying, me, Breanne and Janelle went to Northgate and we met up with Tyler there so he came with. we went to Breanne's first to get Donnie Darko and then we went to Janelle's. we watched the movie and then when it was noon we watched the news. we missed the first three minutes when the bomb threat at our school was announced apparently. then i said, "wow we're all hanging out and watching the news. we're so old guys." and then i said "hey, what if they close down our school on Monday?!?!" and Breanne just had this smile on her face and she was clapping her hands. that would be pretty sweet, i'm not gonna lie. it was weird 'cause we were watching the movie and Tyler would lay his head on my lap and he held my hand and stuff. and it's cute because we can be like that with each other and know that we're just really good friends. like, i don't think i'd ever have a crush on him 'cause my first impression of him is permanently fucked up haha. but he's like a brother and he tells me to stop chewing my nails.
i find it all quite funny because i missed a whole day of school yesterday, and today we get evacuated after one block. it's been a pretty chill week i must say.
anyways, at 1:15 my mom picked me up and we went to Abbotsfield for my doctor's appointment. got my pills and stuff and then went to guess where????
REITMAN'S hahaha.
seriously, that store is really cool. they have some good stuff in there if you know what to do with it. my mom ended up spending $237 on me :blush:
and you know what the beauty in that is? i bought four pairs of pants, and like 6 shirts. when most people would spend 237 bucks on one single pair of pants
HA IN YOUR FACE :P
lol anyways. my mom thinks i'm a wackjob. simply because of this:
Christine: this place makes me so incredibly depressed. it's like in the movies and they have the depressing department store where only old unfashionable people work who wear the red smocks and the 1920's clip in their curly frizzy old people's hair. where they have the diner's nobody goes to and there's immigrants all over the place. (at this point i looked at my mom with a big smile knowing full well she herself is an immigrant)
Mom: you're really...
Christine: hey it's just what i see. but go on, what am i?
Mom: close-minded
Christine: hey now, i wouldn't call myself that. i am so not close-minded.
that's kind of a close-minded statement isn't it? weird how that works...
and previous to that in Safeway waiting for my pills to be ready...
Christine: *pointing at chair* that's where i was sitting when i thought i was going to pass out. hugging the milk jug. i point that out everytime i come here.
Mom: yes you do.
Christine: *sits down*
Mom: i think i'll check my blood pressure while we wait. *sits down in chair and checks blood pressure*
5 minutes pass
Mom: do you want to check yours?
Christine: ME?! no way. last time i did one of those i could NOT stop laughing and i had high blood pressure. plus, it crushed my arm and it was sore the next day.
Mom: they aren't supposed to hurt you.
Christine: yeah well, i probably thought so hard about how it might hurt that it actually ended up being sore.
Mom: that's your problem. you do it all the time. i've never seen anyone like you. usually people want to solve problems, but you want to create them.
Christine: yeah well... *as mom walks away* i think there's something wrong with me.
she always gets mad at me for walking behind her. i've come to realize that i sub consciously walk behind people all the time. in Italy when me and my mom went for walks, i could not keep up with her and i just stayed behind her. it's not that i can't keep up, because she'd slow down so i could catch up and i slowed down too. Breanne even got mad at me once 'cause i was walking slightly after her when we were walking together. i didn't even notice until this summer when my mom got mad at me for it. here's my reasoning behind it: i'm too lazy to pay attention to what's going on so i'd rather lag behind and make the person in front pick the destination so i don't have to worry or think about that.
lol
after that i went home and slept until.. 7 =)
anyways, i got everything out so i shall chat with you laterrrr
i told my mom about the dream i had a long time ago about her being stabbed. she told me that her mom used to say that if you dream about someone dying, you actually lengthen their life. i thought that was cool.
you know how you always hear about old ladies and their superstitions? my nonna and my great aunts are exactly like that. it's awesome 'cause they have all those sayings and stuff like that. when i go to Italy, i'd do something and then my aunt would pull me in and tell me what my great grandmother used to say. it's awesome.
i was listening to a slow song from Bloc Party a few days ago and i turned my head and stared at my couch and images went flying about Mr Mystery hahaha
there's this other guy i see in the hallway, someone who i was involved with last year and i very rarely see him, but ITS SO WEIRD, whenever i do, he always seems to come up in my dreams that night.
crazy
You are a person who is very calm and kind. You go out of your way to help people who need your help.
When alone, you like to relax and do exactly what you feel like doing at the time.
You are adventurous, always up to do the most extreme things. You have a certain recklessness that makes people very attracted to you.
In the future you will be wise and healthy.
PFFFT
do you ever think none of this is for real?
truthfully, in the larger scheme of things
nothing is ever for real compared to something else. it's the end of the world everyday. yesterday's ordeal was no big deal. tomorrow we can only hope isn't dooms day.
we keep going anyways
i love Breanne because she can be the biggest dork one minute and the next she could look at me seriously and ask me if i think i've changed.
while walking through Northgate today, she asked me, "do you think you're different from how you were in junior high?" i said,
"oh yeah definitely." i looked up at the heavens then said, "actually you know what, i don't really think so." then i consulted the heavens again and said, "well i mean, i guess yeah. of course."
then she said,
"do you think you changed immediately or was it like gradual? like was there something that happened that was like --"
i interrupted, "life changing?"
"yeah."
we walked onto the escalator and i began,
"i 'd say summer after grade nine was when things kind of changed. it's not really a big deal, but it's changed my view on things now. like i went out with that one guy for two weeks. i remember my cousin slept over at my house for like two weeks. she was also the one who gave me my first cigarette. but anyways, she was on my brothers laptop in my room, and i was talking to my boyfriend on the phone and when we hung up on eachother we said "i love you." that's when my cousin gave me this huge lecture on how i don't know what love is and obviously, i was defending myself. a week later he dumped me and wasn't answering my calls. i was with my cousin bawling my eyes out to the point where i almost threw up. i don't think i had ever cried that hard in my life. now when i think back to that, i see myself as a really dumb fifteen year old who thought she loved someone and the whole thing just embarrasses me. i can't believe i cared so much about the circumstances. but that's why i see relationships the way i do now. i mean, there was Stephane.. but he was the only one after Tyler. i always hear my cousins lecture everytime i think about love. it's ridiculous."
that's what i told Breanne.
alright so this time's for real.
i could not get to sleep last night. me and my mom discussed Macbeth for a few hours last night we wrote down some important stuff for my essay that i had to write today. then she told me "get to sleep so you're well rested for tomorrow." i gave her the thumbs up and said "ok mother !" well not really, but i thought that was a nice touch to my story. anyways, i go to sleep and after listening to some Bloc Party, i decide, alright i'll go to sleep now. i lay there.
and i lay there. by looking at me you'd think i was resting peacefully. BUT NO
i was thinking about things at the speed of lightening.
it's when you lay in bed trying to sleep and all you can think of is what you're not supposed to think of in bed.
i thought about this summer, and where i'm going to get a job. literally, this is what went through my head:
ok so i want to work at Second Cup, but that other girl works there and during the summer who wants to make coffee all day? wouldn't it get hot? but they wear those cool aprons and the whole idea of working in a coffee shop is cool. but i wanna do something i really like. i love movies, i could work at Blockbuster, not much communication with other people, but what if people ask me a question about a movie and i don't know ! it's not a really intimidating job too. it's in Namao too by Breanne's work so that works out cool. i like music too, i could work at Music World at Northgate or CD Plus at Londonderry. i wonder if they wear uniforms? i'll check it out tomorrow when i go to Northgate. or i'll ask that Jim guy at my school he works at CD Plus. but will i have to know every single band out there? I can't possibly do that. but i'll be surrounded by music all day. maybe i could even pick the songs that are played in the store. what else do i like... Art? i could work at Michaels! thats by Alyssa's work. that would be cool, it's not a very intimidating job but maybe it would get boring. hmm what other stores are there.. northgate.. hmm.. londonderry.. but Breanne wants me to work at Namao. what buses would i need to take to get to all these places.. and if i worked at Namao i could chill at Breanne's before work sometimes. what times would i work ? probably Wednesdays and Saturdays.. Saturdays from 10 - 4.. how many hours is that? *counts on fingers in bed* .. 6 hours, thats pretty good. do they wear uniforms at Blockbuster? and if they have to wear black pants at Second Cup i could wear my skinny ones that look nice. the military men go to that Second Cup a lot. i could say i serve coffee to our troops. how cool is that. i have to get mom to help me with my resume. can you give your resume to more than one place?? and what about interviews?! no boss is going to wanna shake my hand with these ugly chewed nails. he'll think i'm diseased or something. ok starting tomorrow NO CHEWING YOUR NAILS. ooh now i have butterflies because i'm nervous and excited about this summer. and what about summer school hmm...
NO WORD OF A LIE MY FRIENDS, THAT IS WHAT WENT THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE TRYING TO GET TO SLEEP. i wrote down the places i want to work into my cell phone, and realized it was one in the morning and i had an essay to write the next day on Macbeth.
there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with my brain. and i'm totally serious about this. Breanne even said so after i told her what you just read.
damn.
British Columbia - too many to count
Quebec - x1
Italy - x7
...Milan (Milano) - x1
...Turin (Torino) - too many to count
...Rome (Roma) - x1
...Florence (Firenze) - x1
...Venice (Venezzia) - x2
Germany - x1
Switzerland - x1
France - x1
Monaco - x1
for more than a couple reasons...
all has to do with Thursday and Friday and the things that's going to happen on those days
and it might even include a person
who i know almost nothing about
except what Jazmin has told me LOL
dammmmn.
I am trying to be heroic
In an age of modernity
I am trying to be heroic
As all around me history sinks
So I enjoy and I devour
Flesh and wine and luxury
But in my heart I am so lukewarm
Nothing ever really touches me
At the Trois Garcons, we meet at precisely 9 o clock
I order the foie gras and I eat it with complete disdain
Bubbles rise in champagne flutes, but when we kiss I feel nothing
Feasting on sleeping pills and Marlboro reds
Self-pity won’t save you
Oh how our parents suffered for nothing
Live the dream like the 80's never happened
People are afraid to merge on the freeway
Disappear here
We stroll past the queue, into the magazine launch party
I am handed a pill and I swallow it with complete disdain
Kick drum pounds off beat high hats remember to look bored
We suck each other's faces and make sure we are noticed
The cocaine won't save you
East London is a vampire it sucks the joy right out of me
Dressed like the cover of a magazine. I've aged so in these golden years
I, I still remember
How you looked
That afternoon
There was only you
You said it was just like a full moon
Blood beats faster in our veins
We left our trousers by the canal
And our fingers they almost touched
You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?
And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Now every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie
I'd have gone wherever you wanted
And on that teacher's training day
We wrote our names on every train
Laughed at the people off to work
So monochrome and so lukewarm
And I could feel our days where becoming night
I could feel your heart beating across the grass
We should have run, I would go with you anywhere
I should have kissed you by the water
I still remember
Aquarius - Tuesday May 1, 2007
A few interesting developments could be leading to some new opportunities for you at this time. Be confident that things are going in your direction and try to dispense with any lingering fears or concerns that might be plaguing you right now. Just remember to keep moving forward and making progress.
i am in a dilemma. i may sound like a ten year old but there's a guy at school who i think is really attractive. i only started seeing him randomly at the beginning of semester two. he's worked out at the same time as me a couple times. it's become really weird, though, because there's always those people you see in the hallways that make you think "wow", and that's about it. but i think about this guy as more than just "wow". he doesn't seem like the smiley type, which is why i haven't said hi yet. but it's also because i'm scared i'll be rejected. i've smiled at him a couple times. not directly at him, but the casual under the radar type of smile, like, "oh goodness, i just laughed at my friend's joke and i just happened to look at you while smiling thoughtfully at her joke" kinda thing. haha. then i realized how scared we ALL are of rejection. we don't do a lot of things out of fear that we will be rejected. i'm sure everyone's figured that out by now, but it's never really hit me until recently. i've never had a problem with being rejected. i wish i would just say hi to the guy and get it over with instead of leaving it at random glances in the hallways.
and he has the coolest style too. like today, i was working out and he came in to watch the soccer game, he wasn't working out, he just came to watch the soccer game that was on, which already made him irresistable because i love guys who love soccer. anyways, he has these real rugged looking sneakers that i would probably wear myself. he has a really rugged, mellow, casual look. and he's spanish. i really like south american guys.
anyways. i better put my communication skills into gear one of these days.
i wrote some stuff on my cell phone today:
- chalk boards in the classrooms
- was knowing your weakness what made you stronger
- all up in my grill
- sleeping with feet off the edge
- rejection. fear of it
- episode 50 where heckles dies. I'M LIKE CHANDLER.
- the painted veil with edward norton
- i wanna see half nelson, stranger than fiction, adaptation
- chewed gum looks like a brain
that last one was discovered while sitting at Clareview today waiting twenty minutes for my bus to come. i spit out my gum and analysed it for about 5 minutes. speaking of which, i got my first ETS bus pass today !
i can actually do shit now without worrying about money ! I told Joe she never wants to pick me up anymore. he said she's weening me. i asked him what that meant and he said she's helping me grow up, letting me do things on my own. i love how that sounds. my mom's helping me grow up =)
i love my mom.
i listened to Bloc Party all day today. i fucking love them to DEATH.
i was sitting in Chemistry today and i honestly wanted to shoot myself. i had double. the first block we wrote a test, which i think i did pretty good on, second block i had a slight headache. the one's that suck.
they don't really hurt like sharp pain, but it's so slight that it makes you wonder if you have one or not and you're stuck thinking "ow", and then "why am i saying ow it doesn't even hurt", or somewhere between there.,and she was writing notes and my eyes felt so weak, like they didn't have the strength to move from whiteboard to paper and back again.
last Friday i got on the bus from Belvedere with Breanne and JC. we sat at the back and i saw Joe out the back window. i wanted to get off to see him, so me and Breanne got off at the next stop and ran all teh way back to Belvedere. i got there and turns out his bus was right there so i only actually talked to him for 2 minutes. i was pretty upset and then Breanne said "don't worry about it. if you didn't do it you would've thought about it the whole day. at least you went back and you said hi even if it was just for two minutes."
i should say hi to this guy or i'll be wondering what will happen for months and months to come... or until i find someone new. which, to be honest, i don't really want to do. i am full of lust
