that's what i told Breanne

i love Breanne because she can be the biggest dork one minute and the next she could look at me seriously and ask me if i think i've changed.
while walking through Northgate today, she asked me, "do you think you're different from how you were in junior high?" i said,
"oh yeah definitely." i looked up at the heavens then said, "actually you know what, i don't really think so." then i consulted the heavens again and said, "well i mean, i guess yeah. of course."
then she said,
"do you think you changed immediately or was it like gradual? like was there something that happened that was like --"
i interrupted, "life changing?"
"yeah."
we walked onto the escalator and i began,
"i 'd say summer after grade nine was when things kind of changed. it's not really a big deal, but it's changed my view on things now. like i went out with that one guy for two weeks. i remember my cousin slept over at my house for like two weeks. she was also the one who gave me my first cigarette. but anyways, she was on my brothers laptop in my room, and i was talking to my boyfriend on the phone and when we hung up on eachother we said "i love you." that's when my cousin gave me this huge lecture on how i don't know what love is and obviously, i was defending myself. a week later he dumped me and wasn't answering my calls. i was with my cousin bawling my eyes out to the point where i almost threw up. i don't think i had ever cried that hard in my life. now when i think back to that, i see myself as a really dumb fifteen year old who thought she loved someone and the whole thing just embarrasses me. i can't believe i cared so much about the circumstances. but that's why i see relationships the way i do now. i mean, there was Stephane.. but he was the only one after Tyler. i always hear my cousins lecture everytime i think about love. it's ridiculous."

that's what i told Breanne.