it never stops thinking

alright so this time's for real.
i could not get to sleep last night. me and my mom discussed Macbeth for a few hours last night we wrote down some important stuff for my essay that i had to write today. then she told me "get to sleep so you're well rested for tomorrow." i gave her the thumbs up and said "ok mother !" well not really, but i thought that was a nice touch to my story. anyways, i go to sleep and after listening to some Bloc Party, i decide, alright i'll go to sleep now. i lay there.
and i lay there. by looking at me you'd think i was resting peacefully. BUT NO
i was thinking about things at the speed of lightening.
it's when you lay in bed trying to sleep and all you can think of is what you're not supposed to think of in bed.
i thought about this summer, and where i'm going to get a job. literally, this is what went through my head:
ok so i want to work at Second Cup, but that other girl works there and during the summer who wants to make coffee all day? wouldn't it get hot? but they wear those cool aprons and the whole idea of working in a coffee shop is cool. but i wanna do something i really like. i love movies, i could work at Blockbuster, not much communication with other people, but what if people ask me a question about a movie and i don't know ! it's not a really intimidating job too. it's in Namao too by Breanne's work so that works out cool. i like music too, i could work at Music World at Northgate or CD Plus at Londonderry. i wonder if they wear uniforms? i'll check it out tomorrow when i go to Northgate. or i'll ask that Jim guy at my school he works at CD Plus. but will i have to know every single band out there? I can't possibly do that. but i'll be surrounded by music all day. maybe i could even pick the songs that are played in the store. what else do i like... Art? i could work at Michaels! thats by Alyssa's work. that would be cool, it's not a very intimidating job but maybe it would get boring. hmm what other stores are there.. northgate.. hmm.. londonderry.. but Breanne wants me to work at Namao. what buses would i need to take to get to all these places.. and if i worked at Namao i could chill at Breanne's before work sometimes. what times would i work ? probably Wednesdays and Saturdays.. Saturdays from 10 - 4.. how many hours is that? *counts on fingers in bed* .. 6 hours, thats pretty good. do they wear uniforms at Blockbuster? and if they have to wear black pants at Second Cup i could wear my skinny ones that look nice. the military men go to that Second Cup a lot. i could say i serve coffee to our troops. how cool is that. i have to get mom to help me with my resume. can you give your resume to more than one place?? and what about interviews?! no boss is going to wanna shake my hand with these ugly chewed nails. he'll think i'm diseased or something. ok starting tomorrow NO CHEWING YOUR NAILS. ooh now i have butterflies because i'm nervous and excited about this summer. and what about summer school hmm...

NO WORD OF A LIE MY FRIENDS, THAT IS WHAT WENT THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE TRYING TO GET TO SLEEP. i wrote down the places i want to work into my cell phone, and realized it was one in the morning and i had an essay to write the next day on Macbeth.

there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with my brain. and i'm totally serious about this. Breanne even said so after i told her what you just read.

damn.

my travels

British Columbia - too many to count
Quebec - x1
Italy - x7
...Milan (Milano) - x1
...Turin (Torino) - too many to count
...Rome (Roma) - x1
...Florence (Firenze) - x1
...Venice (Venezzia) - x2
Germany - x1
Switzerland - x1
France - x1
Monaco - x1

butterflies in my tummy

for more than a couple reasons...

all has to do with Thursday and Friday and the things that's going to happen on those days
and it might even include a person
who i know almost nothing about
except what Jazmin has told me LOL

dammmmn.

song for clay (disappear here)

I am trying to be heroic
In an age of modernity
I am trying to be heroic
As all around me history sinks
So I enjoy and I devour
Flesh and wine and luxury
But in my heart I am so lukewarm
Nothing ever really touches me

At the Trois Garcons, we meet at precisely 9 o clock
I order the foie gras and I eat it with complete disdain
Bubbles rise in champagne flutes, but when we kiss I feel nothing
Feasting on sleeping pills and Marlboro reds
Self-pity won’t save you

Oh how our parents suffered for nothing
Live the dream like the 80's never happened
People are afraid to merge on the freeway
Disappear here

We stroll past the queue, into the magazine launch party
I am handed a pill and I swallow it with complete disdain
Kick drum pounds off beat high hats remember to look bored
We suck each other's faces and make sure we are noticed
The cocaine won't save you

East London is a vampire it sucks the joy right out of me
Dressed like the cover of a magazine. I've aged so in these golden years

i still remember

I, I still remember

How you looked
That afternoon
There was only you
You said it was just like a full moon
Blood beats faster in our veins
We left our trousers by the canal
And our fingers they almost touched

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?
And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Now every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie
I'd have gone wherever you wanted

And on that teacher's training day
We wrote our names on every train
Laughed at the people off to work
So monochrome and so lukewarm
And I could feel our days where becoming night
I could feel your heart beating across the grass
We should have run, I would go with you anywhere
I should have kissed you by the water

I still remember

in relativity to last entry, creepy

Aquarius - Tuesday May 1, 2007

A few interesting developments could be leading to some new opportunities for you at this time. Be confident that things are going in your direction and try to dispense with any lingering fears or concerns that might be plaguing you right now. Just remember to keep moving forward and making progress.

whiteboard to paper and back again

i am in a dilemma. i may sound like a ten year old but there's a guy at school who i think is really attractive. i only started seeing him randomly at the beginning of semester two. he's worked out at the same time as me a couple times. it's become really weird, though, because there's always those people you see in the hallways that make you think "wow", and that's about it. but i think about this guy as more than just "wow". he doesn't seem like the smiley type, which is why i haven't said hi yet. but it's also because i'm scared i'll be rejected. i've smiled at him a couple times. not directly at him, but the casual under the radar type of smile, like, "oh goodness, i just laughed at my friend's joke and i just happened to look at you while smiling thoughtfully at her joke" kinda thing. haha. then i realized how scared we ALL are of rejection. we don't do a lot of things out of fear that we will be rejected. i'm sure everyone's figured that out by now, but it's never really hit me until recently. i've never had a problem with being rejected. i wish i would just say hi to the guy and get it over with instead of leaving it at random glances in the hallways.

and he has the coolest style too. like today, i was working out and he came in to watch the soccer game, he wasn't working out, he just came to watch the soccer game that was on, which already made him irresistable because i love guys who love soccer. anyways, he has these real rugged looking sneakers that i would probably wear myself. he has a really rugged, mellow, casual look. and he's spanish. i really like south american guys.

anyways. i better put my communication skills into gear one of these days.

i wrote some stuff on my cell phone today:
- chalk boards in the classrooms
- was knowing your weakness what made you stronger
- all up in my grill
- sleeping with feet off the edge
- rejection. fear of it
- episode 50 where heckles dies. I'M LIKE CHANDLER.
- the painted veil with edward norton
- i wanna see half nelson, stranger than fiction, adaptation
- chewed gum looks like a brain

that last one was discovered while sitting at Clareview today waiting twenty minutes for my bus to come. i spit out my gum and analysed it for about 5 minutes. speaking of which, i got my first ETS bus pass today !

i can actually do shit now without worrying about money ! I told Joe she never wants to pick me up anymore. he said she's weening me. i asked him what that meant and he said she's helping me grow up, letting me do things on my own. i love how that sounds. my mom's helping me grow up =)
i love my mom.

i listened to Bloc Party all day today. i fucking love them to DEATH.
i was sitting in Chemistry today and i honestly wanted to shoot myself. i had double. the first block we wrote a test, which i think i did pretty good on, second block i had a slight headache. the one's that suck.
they don't really hurt like sharp pain, but it's so slight that it makes you wonder if you have one or not and you're stuck thinking "ow", and then "why am i saying ow it doesn't even hurt", or somewhere between there.,and she was writing notes and my eyes felt so weak, like they didn't have the strength to move from whiteboard to paper and back again.

last Friday i got on the bus from Belvedere with Breanne and JC. we sat at the back and i saw Joe out the back window. i wanted to get off to see him, so me and Breanne got off at the next stop and ran all teh way back to Belvedere. i got there and turns out his bus was right there so i only actually talked to him for 2 minutes. i was pretty upset and then Breanne said "don't worry about it. if you didn't do it you would've thought about it the whole day. at least you went back and you said hi even if it was just for two minutes."
i should say hi to this guy or i'll be wondering what will happen for months and months to come... or until i find someone new. which, to be honest, i don't really want to do. i am full of lust

the universe just vanished out of sight

try writing his name in the search bar. but the cartoon yellow dog wearing a red collar around his neck can't seem to find. advanced options lets you decide whether he's a document, file or folder. video or music. when was he modified? what size is he? which drive is he located in?

i don't even know who i'm talking about anymore.

i want to go back to Snow Patrol. i listen to their music and i stand on the ground amidst the sweaty people in the dark and i wanna be. so loud and so much going on you can't think of anything else but the amazing music, the way he put his hands in the air and how he was above all else and the light was shining down on him and him only. you could see the shadows of his hands.
damn.

"it's hard to argue when you won't stop making sense and my tongue still misbehaves and it keeps digging my own grave." reminds me of me.

damn. why didn't i enjoy it even more. when you look back on a moment you always think there was more you could have done to enjoy yourself. like, One Hundred Things You Should Have Done In Bed.

maybe it's the beer i'm drinking, or that i stopped overthinking.

bite your lip & fingers no more.

the world seems so small it could fit in our front hall. BLAHH i am bored. i've been writing my outline for my Macbeth essay too. it's pretty good. it should be easy, Macbeth is just so fucked up in the head that it's easy to manipulate everything he did to the unknown keyword.
my mom helps me cram for my tests, and she gets mad at me sometimes and says "i just wish you did all this earlier. you really don't know what you're missing. we're going through the bare minimum right now, and it really makes me upset that you're missing out on everything there is to learn about every single line and what Shakespeare meant by it."
my mom's hardcore. and it does make me sad. maybe i'll read it again in the future and ask her to go into the greatest depth the world has ever known.

i watched some of Running With Scissors last night. i was laying on my brother's bed, neatly under the blanket. flat like wood on wood and then my legs. i felt immobile, that if i moved it wouldn't be neat any longer. i slept in his room last night. i was so sleepy, i couldn't finish watching the movie. i plan to watch it tonight. sometimes i sit there and imagine the presence of someone else i enjoy the presence of. so i'm not there by myself. just being lazy, no talking, just watching and soaking up of the movie's elements. i love movies. but doesnt everyone? maybe not like i do.

sometimes i throw myself over the back of my chair, cracking my back. i stare sat my ceiling and my ceiling lamp with everything else out of view and i 'm always scared i'll tip the chair over and crack my head open.

"i want something that is purer than the water

quickie

thursday: dance competition. apparently we got gold. who woulda thought ? friday: went to Breanne's. did the friday ritual with a new member, JC. not as in Jesus Christ. bussed to clareview, trained to belvedere. SAW JOE OMG MY HEART ALMOST STOPPED AND RACED. went to kingsway. went to her house. went home at 10 pm =) saturday: went to italian school. went to dance. there's not much more to say, besides the fact that i'm almost 100% postively sure that the modern day Shakespeare is Radiohead/Thom Yorke. there lyrics leave me in awe. why ? well, 1) because they're super deep 2) they're so deep i have no idea what they're saying WOW LOVE

mixed emotions

alright. i got lots to catch you up on. in order, i have 6 things.

1) so there's this creepy guy in my life. i saw him for the first time at my brother's design show. he was wearing high waisted blue jeans with a button up shirt tucked into them, he had big beady eyes, looked like he had some sort of mental problem. and he had a balding head of dark hair. he took like 6 of my brother's business cards, an i remember telling my brother how creepy that was. anyways, a few weeks ago, i was at Northgate with Breanne, and i saw THE SAME GUY in the food court. creepy? i think so. AND THEN, last firday me and Breanne went to Movies 12 and THE SAME GUY was there. crazzzzzy i tell you.

2)we have this African substitute for the next week in French. he taught us some African songs in class today and told us his philosophies of life. he's quite a deep person.

3) went to Fresh Start today, hung out with Olivia and Breanne before it opened and had a very delightful strawberry McFlurry =)

4) i had a weird dream last night. i woke up crying. i was in Beverly at my old house. i was on the bus with Lateasha, which was weird, and we got off right in front of my house. we parted ways, and as i walked up to my frton door, a guy and a girl walked up to me holding knives. they asked me "can we break into your home?" i said "no". and just as i pulled out my cellphone to call 911, they stabbed me to death. then it rewound, and i was alive again. they asked me again, and i said "ok you can break into my house" so they did. my mom was inside, and they ended up stabbing her to death. hence why i was crying so much. i don't think i've ever felt so awful in my whole entire life.

5) me and my mom went to Londonderry today, i got this really sweet jacket thing from Army and Navy. i love my mom for that, she buys some clothes from Giant Tiger and Superstore and Costco, and they're like some of the nicest things ever. i even wear some of the stuff she buys from those places. i love her for that. anyways, on the drive home, my mom told me that my dad saw a dead goose on the side of the road one day when he was driving home from work. there was another goose flying in circles above it. the next day, my dad saw the goose standing by the dead goose. and the next day, he saw it standing there still. apparently, geese have life partners. like once they find another goose, they're with that goose forever. isn't that sad though? it definitely made me sad. i mean, do geese have feelings? does she realize her partner is dead? does it make her sad? i wonder...

6) PABLO CALLED ME YET AGAIN TONIGHT. i love that guy with my WHOLE heart. i've talked about him before. my best friend that lives in Montreal? he gives me calls now and then, and we talked for an hour and a half tonight. he graduates this year. it's so weird. i might even have a chance to see him this summer when my family goes down east for a little touring with my uncle who's coming from Italy. that would make my whole summer... no, my whole LIFE.

anyways, it's kinda late, and i am DEAD TIRED. goodnight =)

lame sauce

i've become quite the doodler. i like just sitting there with music, start off by traacing the blue lines on the paper, circles around the hole punches.. draw stripes to connect them.. i do whatever comes to mind, anything and everything. its so much fun. i did that in second block of chemistry today.

it's really neat to see where you take things from the single line or circle that you draw first.

i really should be studying Act 3/4 of Macbeth. i'm really liking how this picture is turning out. maybe i'll take a picture of them one day and put them up here.

i second guess myself too much. way way too much. it screws me over on tests, and in everday decisions just in general.

i really don't feel like writing.
lol

guilty conscience

i'm sitting here typing in a bunch of chemistry definitions into my calculator. and listening to Tai Mai Shu. i'm not sure why, but everytime i type notes into my calculator, i feel sick afterwards, like car sick. it's like i've been concentrating on the letters and numbers and such, that i just get motion sickness or something.

i finally got my French shit together. for this whole semester so far, i've been to class, but not really been there. i missed so much just by day dreaming and such. i asked some questions today and he was just like "whoa Christine, you've been gone for so long. we went over this ages ago."
it's how i function. it's takes awhile and is incredibly innefficient, but that's ok. i wrote myself specific formulas. i hate doing that for languages, which is why i think learning languages in school is sometimes not very good. you learn the mechanics of the language. in order to learn a language, you have to be IN the culture, and not read up on some formulas and rules. it's like you have one bucket of soap, and another bucket of water and a sponge. you're the sponge. the water is your first language. me speaking English is like the sponge being dipped into the water bucket. in order to learn French, which is the soap in the other bucket, i must be dipped into that instead of sitting on the ledge observing the color and viscosity and such.

you know what i really love? Chemistry class. sometimes it's really boring, but i've heard it's a really class, and since the beginning of this semester i've been waiting for all this difficult stuff to happen. maybe it's because i have things written on my calculator and inside the calculator. there's a lot of formulas to memorize, but it's basic math. not much to understand. i have a lot of fun doing it.

as you might have noticed, i changed my layout. it's kinda gay still. but i'll make minor adjustments here and there gradually.

doesn't it bother you when you talk about something really cool to someone, and you see that person with that really cool something the next week ?

me and Alyssa went for donairs today. it was a lot of fun and i caught her up on all the details.

i really love Cosmetology. i'm taking it next year. cosmetology 30. you know how hair salons are relaxing for women, to just go and gossip and be with friends? that's exactly what cosmetology is for me.

today i listened to the Matrix Reloaded soundtracks.

i watched the season finale of The Hills, and i must say i was left anxious. i always feel anxious at the end of a show. ESPECIALLY THE OC. it's like when you leave the house for a period of time and your dog goes nuts with anxiety. i feel abandoned almost. thinking about The OC still makes me sad. how pathetic is that. actually, not very pathetic, since it was a very thrilling exciting show, very worthy of my anxiety.

"alright stop, now before you walk in the door of this liquor store and try to get money out the drawer you better think of the consequence. who are you ? i'm your mother fucking conscience."

"what she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?!"

------------------------------

"'cause i been housing all this doubt, and insecurity. and i've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key and i've been dying to get out and it might be the death of me and even though there's no way to know it..."

hmmmph. most of the time, i think when it's inconvenient to show how you really feel, it's best to stifle yourself.
even when you're asked.

the stars

according to Teen People horoscope of August 2000 (my horoscope bible pretty much), my perfect man is:

Looks: DUDE. rude-boy vibe. skate, ska-style. Fluid body lingo. Radical hair -- the odd dye job , tattoo or piercing.

Personality: CONSCIOUS. visionary. probing. provocative. out of bounds. zealous. exceptional. progressive. humane. lustily longing.

Ideals: CHANGE. rebellion. individualism. self-promotion. clarity. invention. tolerance. temperance.

Ambition: NIRVANA. ending strife. fostering solidarity. solving global problems.

my lessons in two minute intervals

it's like when you're seven years old, you see the older girls wearing high heels.
you beg your mother to let you wear them. to get those platforms and high heels.

i don't like high heels anymore. now that i am able to get them, i don't want them.

it's like when you're eight years old, and you want to go hunting with your dad. he tells you you can join him when you're older.

now that i am old enough to go, i don't want to.

it's like when you're nine years old, and you ask your mom when you're allowed to have a boyfriend. she tells you not until you're in university.

i used to hate that, but i think i finally realize how right she is. i've learned just by living in my own house that high school and junior high relationships really are quite pathetic. unrealistic, too. because of your age and your circumstances, you can't really have a real relationship with someone. having your parents drive you around, talking to them on msn and the phone, holding hands in the hallways... it's all really mediocre.
even the whole getting up early in the morning so you look good for them at school, and even when going out, you put that extra effort into your look... it's all so lame.
it's so so hard to explain what i think about this because it just makes sense to me.
i have a real relationship living under my own roof, and i mean real. my brother and his girlfriend. i've just learned a lot from that because that's how a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is. none of this amateur cookie cutter bull shit.

my current state of mind is as follows:
i wanna meet new people without commitments. i like to flirt and have a good time, and you can't do that with a boyfriend.
i'm sure there will be someone that will make me think differently about this. it's happened before, but of course it didn't work out after awhile. after only one month i felt like killing myself and that i would never get over it. no one should feel that way at this age. well, maybe i'm wrong in saying that. because i learned a lot because of that. there's only two relationships i've had that i really like even to this day. Joe and Pablo. maybe it's because i'm still super close to both of them. but with Joe, it wasn't really a relationship. we were never official, and mayeb that's why it worked out like it did. i mean, i've never been "with" someone for as long as i was with him. september to december. pretty long for me. during that time, though, i sometimes questioned his motives, whether he cared about me or not... now i know for sure that he does, because well, we're still friends even if we're not "together" anymore.

there's been a lot of guys and i feel like i've been telling them all the same lines, the same things. i'm running out of lines.

and i'm not too worried with finding new stuff to say. i know i'm just rambling on. not really knowing what to say but knowing it inside my head. an di'm writing in two minute intervals. sentence after sentence.

i've never felt more happy and powerful. and i can't wait until next weekend to hang out with people i care about most right now. and just the things i'll be doing with them

geese gone wild

heyyya
yesterday was 4/20. went to Breanne's house. slept over actually, we ended up wasting time at west edmonton mall and stuff. 'twas fun.

Alyssa came over to Breanne's too, she had to work at 4:30 though.
Alyssa and me are unstoppable. i almost peed myself 5 times over because we were laughing so hard. Breanne's soap has Gingerbread Man Syndrome.
basically, it likes to run away. i used the washroom and after washing my hands, the soap wouldn't stay put for the life of me. i placed it gently on the side of the porcelain sink, and it moved. i placed it there again, and it moved. it wasn't just gradual movement, it was like you put it there one second and it was gone the next second. i didn't think much of it until Alyssa used the washroom after me and while me and Breanne were in her room, we heard laughter in the bathroom.
once she came out, we were like "what the hell were you laughing at?" and she goes, "oh my God. the soap --" and i blurted "IT MOVES!"
and we were gone by that moment on. fucking funniest thing ever.
and then we were by the lake by Breanne's house, and Tyler was doing some weird shit with fire and paper, and there was like crazy chaos with the geese in the lake. we came to the conclusion that they were either fighting or having sex. Alyssa shouted out "GEESE GONE WILD!" and i lost control.
lately, i've been having a swell time. so swell, in fact, that i don't feel the need to have any significant others (as in boyfriends). in the past, maybe i felt i was missing something and that's how come i wanted a boyfriend frequently. but i'm just having so much fun with the people i have right now, that i feel having a boyfriend is the last thing i need.

anyways, today i had italian school and dance. and on the way home from dance, i saw Tyler riding his red bike beside our van. it was funny. we exchanged funny looks.

genitalia

today in french class, we had a substitute teacher.
this means i sat next to Alyssa, Breanne, Olga, and Sabrina.
i'm not sure how and why but we started talking about genitalia.
went something like this:

Alyssa: smething something somethine genitalia.
... time passes
Christine: sounds like an animal kinda, hey?
Alyssa: genitalia?
Christine: yeah.
Alyssa: umm, if you say so.
.. times passes
Christine: HAHAH i can just see it on the discovery channel. "watch as the genitalia attack each other"
Alyssa: "there they are right now, chasing each other"
Christine: it could be like Steve Irwin "watch as i shove my head in this genitalia, just to see what happens!"
Alyssa: HAHAH
... time passes
Christine: hahahaha holy fuck. i can just see a bunch of penises running around
Alyssa: haha i was just gonna say..

OH YEAH. we were talking about getting our genitalia pierced. and how it's illegal for minors and stuff.
i now realize the word genitalia has the word "italia" in it. weeeeeird.

can you hear me now

so i'm almost positive i'll be deaf by the time i'm 30.
few signs:
1) at random times, it feels as if a bug is crawling in my ear. like you know when you have your hair in your ear and it's kinda tickly? it's like that. i pull all my hair away 'cause i always think that's what's causing this odd sensation, but even when i do that, i still feel it and after sticking my finger in my ear to see if anythings there, i still feel it. my mom cut out an article a while ago talking about hear loss, and that was on of the signs.
2) when i hear trickling water, or really high pitched noises buy themselves, my right ear pounds. like when i turn on the tap, or listen to the beginning of Scream Fly Dream by TATU, my right ear pounds.
3) i wake up in the morning not hearing anything until i unplug them.
4) i confuse what people are saying with things that don't even sound remotely similar.
5) when it comes to iPods, it's never loud enough.
6) lots of ringing in the ears.

it's so bad.

breathe, oh

i don't write everyday.

i talked to Lauren yesterday. we actually hung out at lunch today. it was awesome, it hasn't happened in a long time.

today i was supposed to meet Jordan at northgate, but i got caught up in stuff with Tyler.
i stayed at school until 5:30 with him. we just talked, ordered chinese food, painted his car and just laughed. it's really weird, 'cause a year ago i hated him. i don't hate people, but i hated him lol. now i love the guy. i owe him a ton. then i went to the bus stop and once again, i thought i was going to be lonely, but i talked to gangster Jordan until the bus came. he was in my science class last year. he had a basketball practice or something so he was still at school, we took the same bus to Belvedere. i took the LRT to clareview and then the bus to evergreen and my mom picked me up from there at like 6:10. it was awesome timing, 'cause i barely had to wait for anything to show up. i think i might do that from now on instead of the way i used to.

i just got off the phone with Jordan, my Jordan haha. we talked for 40 minutes =)

and now i'm listening to Breathe by Fabolous.
it's a really sweet song. i'm getting into gangster tunes again.
my favorites right now are:

1) Breathe - Fabolous
2) Overnight Celebrity - Twista
3) Changes - 2Pac
4) It's Tricky - Run DMC
5) My Adidas - Run DMC
6) Whisper Song - Ying Yang Twins
7) Walk This Way - Run DMC
8) Let's Go - Trick Daddy and so on..

they're old but it's not me to like a lot of rap and things of that sort.

i've come to realize that i'm a pretty honest person. like, if i think something negative about something, i usually say it how it is instead of just agreeing with the person for "world peace" sake. lol
i think that's how come people always think there's something wrong with me and they're all up in my grill and hating on me. HA

i just think it's always easier to say what's on your mind for real. i think it happened when i was a kid, i realized people got a kick out of me when i just said things the way my mind made them. a lot of the time, though, i'll start saying something and just all of a sudden, that line of thought is just stopped abruptly. it's like my mind decides to just refuse finishing it off. which is why sometimes i'll say something and then "i don't know." that happened today at my locker. i was with Breanne, she was unlocking my locker and i said something and it went something like this:

Breanne: what ?
Christine: nothing.
Breanne: no, what did you say?
Christine: i'm not sure really. i didn't really say anything.
Breanne: ok
....
Christine: mumbling
Breanne: hmm ?
Christine: i didn't say anything
Breanne: alright, well i gotta go to class.
-walks away-
Christine -closes locker- : what the fuck just happened.

IT PISSES ME OFF. sometimes i'm just so tired i just say random shit all the time. stuff that doesn't even make even a tiny bit of sense.
today in chemistry i was dozing off and i heard Alex's voice and i came back to earth and just stared at him. went like this:

Alex: we have a quiz right now ?
Christine - blinks her eyes finally - : hmm ?
Alex: are you ok?
Christine: yeah why
Alex: i don't know. is there something wrong ? you're really out there.
Christine: i'm just tired. and doesn't everyone doze off once in a while?
Alex: you're always like that though. did you take pills today?
Christine: no..

i actually didn't lol. Alex is so funny though. he was in my math class last year and he's really funny. it's sometimes hard to make him laugh, and when i'm able to, i feel so happy that i made him laugh. it's weird. sometimes the most random shit happens with us. we've been contemplating the sexual orientation of this kid in our class. i say he's straight, Alex thinks he's homosexual. today he tells me to look over at him, so i do, and he's crossing his legs. and i just started laughing.

like, stuff we talk about isn't even funny, but it's just the way things just happen to us that makes it really funny.

oh goodness. my head is POUNDING.

tuesday

Aquarius - Tuesday April 17, 2007

This could be a highly-charged time for you when you'll really feel like getting into as many things as possible. Just try to avoid telling other people what to do. Misunderstandings might occur and things could get a little tense. Just make sure that any issues that arise today don't leave you feeling too stressed out.

nuovo

so i added some new photos to my deviant art gallery.
if you'd like to check them out, just click on "my photography" over there -->

some of them kinda bore me lol