guilty conscience

i'm sitting here typing in a bunch of chemistry definitions into my calculator. and listening to Tai Mai Shu. i'm not sure why, but everytime i type notes into my calculator, i feel sick afterwards, like car sick. it's like i've been concentrating on the letters and numbers and such, that i just get motion sickness or something.

i finally got my French shit together. for this whole semester so far, i've been to class, but not really been there. i missed so much just by day dreaming and such. i asked some questions today and he was just like "whoa Christine, you've been gone for so long. we went over this ages ago."
it's how i function. it's takes awhile and is incredibly innefficient, but that's ok. i wrote myself specific formulas. i hate doing that for languages, which is why i think learning languages in school is sometimes not very good. you learn the mechanics of the language. in order to learn a language, you have to be IN the culture, and not read up on some formulas and rules. it's like you have one bucket of soap, and another bucket of water and a sponge. you're the sponge. the water is your first language. me speaking English is like the sponge being dipped into the water bucket. in order to learn French, which is the soap in the other bucket, i must be dipped into that instead of sitting on the ledge observing the color and viscosity and such.

you know what i really love? Chemistry class. sometimes it's really boring, but i've heard it's a really class, and since the beginning of this semester i've been waiting for all this difficult stuff to happen. maybe it's because i have things written on my calculator and inside the calculator. there's a lot of formulas to memorize, but it's basic math. not much to understand. i have a lot of fun doing it.

as you might have noticed, i changed my layout. it's kinda gay still. but i'll make minor adjustments here and there gradually.

doesn't it bother you when you talk about something really cool to someone, and you see that person with that really cool something the next week ?

me and Alyssa went for donairs today. it was a lot of fun and i caught her up on all the details.

i really love Cosmetology. i'm taking it next year. cosmetology 30. you know how hair salons are relaxing for women, to just go and gossip and be with friends? that's exactly what cosmetology is for me.

today i listened to the Matrix Reloaded soundtracks.

i watched the season finale of The Hills, and i must say i was left anxious. i always feel anxious at the end of a show. ESPECIALLY THE OC. it's like when you leave the house for a period of time and your dog goes nuts with anxiety. i feel abandoned almost. thinking about The OC still makes me sad. how pathetic is that. actually, not very pathetic, since it was a very thrilling exciting show, very worthy of my anxiety.

"alright stop, now before you walk in the door of this liquor store and try to get money out the drawer you better think of the consequence. who are you ? i'm your mother fucking conscience."

"what she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?!"

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"'cause i been housing all this doubt, and insecurity. and i've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key and i've been dying to get out and it might be the death of me and even though there's no way to know it..."

hmmmph. most of the time, i think when it's inconvenient to show how you really feel, it's best to stifle yourself.
even when you're asked.