for those who don't give a

i'm sitting here trying desperately to write my essay for my in class essay tomorrow (does not make any sense, if you haven't noticed), and i keep finding other things to do. and then i go back, and i pep myself up...

Christine, the task at hand is to come up with a very strong very good argument going against what you think. Then you have to come up with even better arguments to go against the already awesome argument you just concocted in your brain. Then i think. hmm. you know those real big geniuses? the ones that play chess against themselves?? writing a social essay is kind of a lot similar to that...

i never understood that to be honest. how do you play against yourself? i would sit in one chair, make the best move possible, then i would move to the opposite chair, make my mind go blank to what i just did, and from a totally opposite part of my emotions, i would have to make another awesome move, against the awesome move i just made. i don't get it. i mean... how can you just go side to side, making moves and having to clear your head everytime so you don't make any biased moves? and can you ever take sides? "hmm.. right now i'm feeling quite strong on the right half of me, but things are looking to good for the left side, i'm not gonna lie.."

one thing i am good at though, is procrastinating. just look at me. it's funny how i'm trying to write an essay, and while procrastinating, i write in my blog. i just hate social essays. i feel so tied down and clausterphobic. clausterphobia. clausterphobation. clausterphobationizing. clausterphobosity-tionizing. it's like saying, rewrite the whole entire bible on a tic tac. IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE. it's not that i have so much to say, with so little time and space to write it on, it's the fact that i have so many rules to follow and i get stressed out that way.

sometimes i wish i had fish memory. the whole 5 second deal. but then you'd forget everything. i mean, you wouldn't know how to dress yourself, or eat, or even walk. 'cause the second you learn something new, you only have a mere 4 seconds to enjoy it before it goes bye bye and you end up learning it again. and the same thing just keeps happening. like a vicious circle. maybe that's why fish make swimming around in a tank all day seem so god damn entertaining.




i wonder if their eating techniques are voluntary.


"y'all gonn make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here"

thumbs up

i want it to be Christmas vacation. or i want to not go to school for a few days.

one thing i always do when we get days off, is put my alarm clock for when i usually wake up, and i make sure i wake up at that time.
i don't get out of bed though, i sit up for a bit, and then turn around curl up in wamr blankets and go to sleep.
you know why?

simply because it's fun.. knowing you don't actually have to go to school, and that if you didn't have a day off, you would, in fact, be getting out of bed to embrace the early morning darkness.
i actually do that. i sit there and think "i don't have to get out of bed like usual.. i can just, you know, lay my head down and go right back to sleep, without any worries whatsoever."

it's quite possibly one of the best feelings ever. for real. try it next time you have a day off


:D

TM = this morning

This morning I left my house and my brother’s girlfriend’s car was still there. Apparently, she stayed over.

This morning when I put my shoes on, I noticed either my feet shrunk or my shoes stretched.

This morning I put my clothes on and realized I put four layers on. I am nicely bundled up.

This morning I felt tired. I went to bed at 1.

This morning I thought about how I had communications.

A few seconds ago, Will laughed at me ‘cause Mr. F gave me a peace out sign as he walked by.

Haha. And right now it’s really hot, and I’m gonna leave.

“I'm thinkin' about my doorbell
When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it"

it's ok

--

needed somewhere to hang my head

i think it's for the sake of proving that i can do this.
maybe it's for the sake of hating ending and starting over again.
could also be because when that ended, the last thing i wanted to do was start again, to put that effort in. but its funny how things change when those butterflies begin fluttering again.

"where i end and you begin (the sky is falling in)"

oh positive

would you like to hear the gayest most retarded thing of all time? did you know.. depending on what blood type you possess, your personality is influenced by it? well, actually, i don't think that's true at all. simply because it's your blood. sure, it may carry parts of your DNA and shit, but you control your personality, not your blood. PLUS, say i had a blood transfusion.. do i attain the personality traits of the kind-hearted person who gave me their blood?? i think not..

MSN is gay. why did i ever start going on it again. it just fucks things up. i mean, it's all i do. i'm fucking always on, and i never used to be. i went a whole year without going on, and come September i'm on it again. i thought MSN was gay, and i would hate to think that my views have changed on that subject. it's so impersonal..

i have also decided i want to completely boycot the idea of purses. they're a pain in the shoulder and they never stay on and they're just.. a pain. i want a utility belt. or tons of pockets. so i don't have to worry about leaving my purse somewhere or something. do you women know what i mean?!?!

doesn't it suck feeling unneeded? i mean, i don't even see the point of this anymore. i don't think it's really going anywhere.. it's been 3 months. and nothing's happened. i rarely see him.. we talk on the phone during the week, never on weeknights either.. 'cause he's always doing stuff. but i mean, i feel like i'm most definitely wasting my time. if i stopped this 3 months ago, where would i be? i put off some things because of him.. what if i didn't? where would i be..






but sometimes it's so worth it. i mean, do you ever replay things in your mind and it just makes you tingly everywhere and you see it as the best thing ever..you remember everything and how hot you were for him.. but then it's like trying to squeeze water from a rock. someone recently questioned me. "you guys are such dorks.. all you do is text message". and i thought, hey, that's so true. we only really talk through text message and the phone.. and well, i think i'll stop writing on this topic. 'cause it's starting to get really personal. and yeah.. UMMM something happy.

so yeah, my blood type is O+. know what that means? well, my friends, it measn that i thrive on intense excercise. this is SO true, clearly proven by the fact that i thrive on writing in this blog everyday... i wonder if excercise can be reduced to just your fingers instead of the whole body, which i'm sure that's what is implied..
ALSO, i would be a good therapist (possibly), salesperson (definitely), or banker (who woulda thought?). i think my career choice dilemmas have been solved! oh where would i be without my trusty blood.

fuck today sucks. i'm freezing. and who am i kidding? i can't log off MSN, i can only appear offline. i fuckin' hate it. like.. to the MAX.

blood's pretty fucked if all the above is the result of it.

"Johnny wanna be a big star
Get on stage and play the guitar
Make a little money
buy a fancy car
Big old house and an alligator
Just to match with them alligator shoes
Hes a rich man so hes no longer singin the blues
Hes singing songs about material things
and platinum rings and watches that go bling
But, diamonds don't bling in the dark
He a star now, but he aint singing from the heart
Sooner or later hes just gonna fall apart
Coz his fans can't relate to his new found art
He ain't doing what he did from the start
and thats putting in some feeling and thought
He decided to live his life shallow
Passion is love for material
--And its gone..gone..going..gone
..everything gone..give a damn..
gone be the birds when they don't wanna sing..
gone people..up arkward with their things..Gone
--You see yourself in the mirror and ya
Feel safe coz it looks familiar but ya
Afraid to open up your soul coz ya
Don't really know
Don't really know"

ugly ogres

An old fairytale told me
The simple heart will be prized again
A toad will be our king
And ugly ogres are heroes

Your prince's crown
Cracks and falls down
Your castle hollow and cold
You've wandered so far
From the person you are
Let go brother, let go
'Cause now we all know

numba one

i thought of the first thing i would like for Christmas:

.. a huge poster of Che Guevara by Andy Warhol. like, a HUGE poster.. one that takes up a whole wall, floor to ceiling for sure.

i think not

"last night had a dream bout a freak
had me wakin up in heat from my sleep"

boo there. i don't know what to do. i've done nothing this whole day, and i was supposed to study. but studying is a waste of time. i hafta make a cheat sheet, and i'm too lazy to do that. i'll work on it a little bit. you know what i hate? in the classes you do good in, they always give you freebies and easy assignments.. in the classes you suck ass at, they never give you easy chances to bring up your mark. BUT... my math class is also my italian school class on Saturday morning. i might be able to pull some James Bond shit and get some future tests...

afterall, i did see our newly written tests one Saturday morning a while ago and i could have easily changed my answers and stuff. EASILY...

hopefully by the time i'm done high school i'll be so good at cheating that i could start a career in something of the sort.

be part of the FBI or something. oh wait, thats in the States. you know what is the gayest thing i have ever heard of? ok, so there's Canada and the US right? well, the FBI or CIA or whatever it is they have is equivalent to the RCMP. isn't that just so typically Canadian?

on one hand you have the RCMP with red uniforms, black hats and horses. on the other hand you have the FBI with black suits, sunglasses, ear pieces, black SWAT cars, black briefcases and the sort.

doesn't that just make you that much more proud to be Canadian? ha. i think not..

LG = life's good

why fix something if it's better broken?

lol. i'm quite content. with everything. even him =)

*sigh*

i watched this movie called Goal! last night. it was about soccer. it was alright. had a lot of Oasis in it's soundtrack. i thought David Beckham was in it... he was.. but for like 60 seconds lmao. that's GAY. i just finished my Starbucks mints. that i bought on Friday. geeeeez those are addicting. so yeah, mid way through the movie, my brother and his girlfriend come home and they're like cuddling on his bed and i was right there and i could hear smoochy smoochy. and i was like WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MOVIE PLEASE HURRY THE FUCK UP. lol

i think she ended up falling asleep on him lol. and i also think he was kinda drunk. 'cause she drove them to Whyte Ave last night for his birthday. he probably had a few to drink.

but yeah. i dunno, i'm not used to seeing my brother with a girlfriend cuz he never had time for one. but he seems happy. and i love him, so it makes me happy that he's happy. and it's just a bonus that his girlfriend is like super cool and really nice.

anyways. i have tons of shit to study for this week. so i gotta go. i will ponder the meaning of life later on...

forty foot echo

We said we'd take little time
For both of us to see
And wonder what it'd be like to carry on
Ya, I know I got crazy
Well I guess that's just me
If I could turn back time before
The wrong

-- thats the song

hugest of huge

i just watched Freaky Friday. and i got huge butterflies.

when she talks to the character Jake (Chad Michael Murray), there's this song that comes up..
and it used to be my all time favorite song like three years ago. and i remember driving in Italy with my family (long time ago), and i always listened to that song. and i remember being in the backseat, and i was looking forward between my dad's head and the side of the car, because i was trying to focus on this one mountain because i wasn't feeling well... and between focusing on this mountain and this song, i felt better. and everytime i hear that song, i feel myself sitting in the backseat with my legs tucked underneath myself, my brother to my right, my parents in the front, the seatbelt blocking my view of this mountain.. this mountain that i tried so hard to focus on.

it just gives me goosebumps all the time. and the hugest of huge butterflies..

a breath of fresh air

.. that's all i really needed to say.

in really big noticeable letters.

sigh of uncertainty

i had another one of those dreams last night.
i hate them and want them to stop, because they keep messing up my priorities and even though i try as hard as i can to keep them from messing up how i feel, i have a feeling they will screw everything up in the end, by giving me a taste of what could be... or should be.

when you have a reoccurring dream about the same thing, does it mean that deep down, that's what you want or need in your life? or is it just one of those things that i should just let go unnoticed.

because i don't want it to affect what i have going on in my life right now... not now, after i thought it was done with, and after new things started happening...

*sigh*

poke my head through the curtain

so while listening to A Brief History of Nearly Everything, i have come to the conclusion that... well, i haven't really come to a conclusion yet, but it's only because my mind is just too naive to have the capability to wrap itself around how ridiculously unbelievable our universe is. i mean, i hear the stuff he says about it and i feel like this little speck of nothing that holds absolutely no significance or value. *sigh* it's kind of refreshing. i mean, ok, i have all these things to worry about right? like school, and dance, and ass munchie boys ( :P ) , but when i listen to this audiobook, nothing seems to really matter or make any sense whatsoever. i mean, our universe is so large, so large it doesn't even make sense, and it's so complicated and undiscovered, and just.. so.. there's no word to even describe it. it's just... ridiculous! and everything that happens in this city, this country, this planet just doesn't seem to matter when you put it in relation to the universe.. nothing seems to have a point anymore.

i want to reach the end of the universe. i want to poke my head through the curtain. i want to travel a billion gazillion light years. and what the hell are light years anyway? it's like fuckin time travel shit i swear. there's just so much in this universe to know, that nobody really knows, and i want to know. i'd die to know everything there is to know. there's just a ton of stuff and when i think about all of it at once, it seems i could sit there for hours, and still not think of every possible question that there is to ask. it makes me crazy. it drives me insane. and i want to climb up the walls.

do you even realize how much of a genius Isaac Newton was? i mean, even Albert Einstein and all those other people that invented shit that seems so easy to invent now. i was thinking about this the other day. you know those levels that people use for construction? when they need to make something straight. i lay on my couch thinking, how come i couldn't think of something like that? i want to hang a picture, fill a glass of water, and use it as your guide. and when i ask myself how come i couldn't have come up with such a simple thing as that, i think of all the other things that could be invented that would seem so easy to invent after it's already been invented. i don't know if that makes any sense at all to you, but it's so overwhelming sometimes and so simple and complicated at the same time.. that.. i'm just left with nothing to say.

but back to Isaac Newton. JC, i learned last night that he invented Calculus. i mean, WHO DOES THAT?! who in there right mind invents calculus? is it even inventable? it's just one of those things you don't think about. you're born into this world thinking everything you know of, has been there forever. like it just appeared one day out of nowhere. but the thing that baffled me most, is the fact that he came up with Calculus, and hid it from the world for three decades. WHO DOES THAT?!?! and you know what else he did? he stuck some metal probe thing in his eyeball socket, moved it around a little just to see what happens. he also stared at the sun until he could not bare it anymore, and had to stay in dark rooms for several days to follow because his eyes were just so like.. burned. and he did that just to see what happened. it's just things like that that trigger something in my brain, and then chemical reactions start happening, and i start pondering things.. everything, and then i find myself sitting here writing about it and getting frustrated because i feel like there's so much to say, yet not being able to find the right words to say it with because it's just so

overwhelming.

maybe it's good not to know answers. maybe it's good to be so curious. because i'm sure knowing the answers to everything there is to know would be just as overwhelming.. if not more.

i just wanna poke my head through the curtain. i don't even have to step completely out from the curtain, i just want a peek.. because sometimes a person like me shouldn't be left with all these questions.

hmmm...

i still need an advent calendar = (

like eating glass

kay so like today was good.

good food - had the amazing Honey Bacon Club from Quizno's after school today mmmmmmmm
AND hot chocolate at Starbucks on Whyte Ave
good company - spent the whole day with Breanne.
good music - saw Etheriel play LIVE for the first time. it was awesome. forrrrreal.

downers of the day included the chick's at Sophia's listening to every word me and Breanne were talking about. but it was cool when one of them complimented my shoes that i got from Gravity Pope at that ridiculously good sale they had at the beginning of summer.
another downer was the cold, and how i was dumb and didn't bring my jacket. and i ended up walking up and down Whyte Ave with a little sweater.

another upper is that i think i've decided i'm done with the smoking scene. it starting to gross me out more than anything else, plus i don't crave it, and i'm not stressed out as much as i used to be, AND doing it out of boredom is getting to be a lame reason. but just watch, come January i'll be back again. simply because 1) it'll be after my dentist appointment in December and 2) i have finals in January. speaking of final exams, my social exam (my last one) is on my birthday. i couldn't believe it. well, actually now that i think about it it's not bad 'cause i don't really think my birthday is that big a deal.

but next week is going to suck some major ass. monday= bio test; wednesday=WWI exam in social; thursday=social in class essay; friday=social current events.

social sucks. and so does my teacher. he's a knob. i think i've told you that before though. wellllll enforcing the truth never hurt anybody..

i just realized i'm in Breanne's pants. she let me borrow them. they're so comfy and wow. she has the best pants ever. and it's cool 'cause we're pretty much the same size. hmmmmmm.

my brother spent 200 dollars for my mom's birthday tomorrow. he got her some spa-day thing and a really cool vase, apparently. he's currently out with his girlfriend. she took him out for his birthday (my mom and brothers birthdays are both on Dec.2), and then they went to Bright NIghts or something like that. i wish i could do something like that. me and Breanne were sitting in Starbucks and i saw this couple outside holding hands and i was just like "i wish i could do that. hold hands with someone cute on Whyte Ave during the winter".. it's just something you see that you think is really cute, and you just wanna experience that.

well i feel the urge to talk to someone on the telephone, so i think i shall do just that.

memorable quotes of today:
"let's peace this joint"
"everyone wants a rock star"

JC = jesus christ

i don't know. i think i'm going to bed. i came here to write, but i really have nothing to say except that today sucked because i.. because i.. just feel like shit lol.

i was boiling hot but freezing cold, i wanna lay in my bed and listen to my iPod. i wanna listen to a story. i have stories on my iPod. i have The DaVinci Code, Anne Frank, some book thing called Never Be Lied To Again, and A Brief History of Nearly Everything.

i wanna curl up and listen to A Brief History of Nearly Everything. i listened to the beginning once and it talked about atoms. lol

it should help me fall asleep.

i watched the OC tonight. it was alright. but JC Taylor has got to be the most annoying most awkward character ever. seeeeeeeeeeeriously. just sitting there watching i felt awkward. the things she does are just so like.... fuckin creepy.

well, i think i'll be off now. and remember: this blog is copyrighted.. not legally, but i say so.

so don't take my shit lol.

=)

note: will.i.am, is not high on chemical substances in the featured photo.

nice shirt

"Why allow someone to be your everything.....While allowing you to be their option??"

i saw this. and it sparked something in my brain.






..not the horny part of the brain though.

i feel like writing. i have times when i feel like writing for a million hours, a million weeks, months, a million years. until my hand falls off. i just never know what to write. but i want to write. even if it's the alphabet. i just want to see words move across the screen as i manoevre my fingers to the correct letters. fingers are so cool.

i watched America's Next Top Model. i'm on the fence. sometimes i like Melrose, but sometimes she annoys me when she sucks up and she has that dumb look on her face when one eyebrow is raised and her face is leaning slightly forward and she looks really interested in what the "sucker" is saying. get it? she's the "suckee" and she sucks up to the "suckER" haha.

i notice weird things about people. there was this sexy guy at our school last year. me and my friends were like wow hes hot. (he graduated). and one day i was like "you know what the sexiest thing about him is? the way his right eyebrow is always higher than his left eyebrow. it's just like.. so.. intriguing." haha. and then Sam said she had never noticed. and that was like, the first thing i noticed about him.

did you know my name re arranged spells Nice Shirt? i thought that was rather swell. why do people say swell? i mean, when something is swell isn't it like swollen? pull of puss and all great things like that? .. maybe saying "i'm swell" is like saying "i am filled with jubilance!" 'cause there's not many people i know that would randomly say "i am filled with dead white blood cells!"

well it's tired. i mean, i'm tired. and i'm debating whether i should talk to him on the telephone, or read some Art History.

a nice cunt punt

i love keane.

and i wanted to give Raquel (LB) a nice cunt punt for being such a downer. just watching her and how she made a big deal of things made me realize just how much of a girl i can be. HONEST TO GOD. i hope i never act that way towards Joe ever again. 'cause if i look anything like she does, i want to smack my head against the wall instantaneouslyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

strip tease for me, washing machine

why do we get turned on? why are teenagers usually stereotyped as horny? seriously though. i mean, think about it. when we see something dealing with sex, we get turned on. but why? ok, so you see two people going at it. big deal right? wrong. we get turned on. it's just human nature. something about it sparks some part of our brain and boom we get turned on like a fucking iPod. maybe it's 'cause when we're kids we learn that scenes that contain sex are forbidden, and it's something adults do, and we hear that it feels good and we get these pre-conceived views on it. we're like, grown into thinking that sex feels good, and that teenagers get horny when viewing two people going at it lol. when we're kids, it's the "forbidden fruit", and let's be honest, who doesn't want the forbidden fruit? but then i thought.. what if we were grown into thinking that washing machines were only in rated R movies, and that the humming of the washing machine turned us on, and that seeing a washing machine do it's thing sparked that area of our brain that made us horny. i know it sounds odd, but i just thought about that like ten minutes ago and had to let all of you know. haha. .. so yeah.. uhh.. ..awkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrd

wouldn't have them any other way

so today my dad went hunting. he left, and then he rang the doorbell. he was like "can you grab my phone. it's plugged in in the chicken. i mean the kitchen"

HAHA. i was like laughing. haha it was so funny. 'cause earlier today he was cutting a chicken or something. i walk into the kitchen and theres this big pot and all i see is this chicken coming out of it haha. what a thing to wake up to hey.

my dad's hilarious though. yesterday i was walking up my driveway and he was shoveling snow and he looked like santa without the beard. his mustache was full of snow and he had this little tuque nicely propped a top his balding head. and i started laughing at him and he shooed me up the stairs with his shovel haha.

and then today before he went hunting he was like "can you put some vood in the stove downstairs. i'm going hunting. just put like 1 or 2 in. there's some vood by the stove." and i was like "ok".

haha. he makes me laugh. he's a little short chubby man (i'm taller than him) with greyish white hair and a thick italian accent. i hafta help him with spelling sometimes for his blueprints and stuff. he's a contruction foreman. and some people think he's in the mafia. negativeeeee. haha.

i dunno. my parents are pretty cool i guess. they're quite odd actually. my mom is like this unusually tall woman and my dad is this unusually short man haha. and they're like ten years apart. my mom's like... 49 and my dad's 60 next year. CRAZY HEY.

but i wouldn't have them any other way

prosthetic head

i want to go to Italy. i can't wait another certain amount of months. i need to go now. this place sucks right now

two birds with one stone

i need to gte out of this place. not just this bedroom, this house. i need to get out of this country. i had a dream last night. we lived in this odd house, and when i say odd i mean a house that isn't our own, and my room had a leak or something.. i woke up and my whole wall was wet, and rotting or something. so my dad tore it down. and there was like, this little room behind it that none of us used. so i suggested my dad leave the wall out of it so my room would be bigger. and that was my dream. i don't get it.. like, at all. haha.

i woke up this morning and my windows were iced.. as was the rest of my room. so i made some bullshit up that i didn't feel good, 'cause i didn't have a pleasant sleep at all last night. so my mom let me stay home (she's becoming quite reasonable these days lol). i slept 'til 11 something. my room is right by the garage AND outside. plus i didn't leave my door open yesterday so the fireplace heat could saturate my room (haha). i stayed home.. cleaned my room and stuff. and i have made a decision..

i am moving back to sleeping on my bed. i've been sleeping on my couch for months now. i do that sometimes. i'm a weird sleeper. i go months sleeping on my couch, and months sleeping on my bed. and some nights i end up sleeping on the floor cuz it feels good on my back, and i feel like i'm getting in touch with something. i don;t know.. don't ask me, i just feel that way sometimes. i'm a spiritual freak when it comes to sleeping on the floor haha. so yeah, i covered my couch and cleaned off my bed from the crap that it was covered in so it was sleepable. we'll see how it goes tonight. i think it'll be good, 'cause when i slept on the couch, my head was right by the window that goes to the outside, so my upper body was always cold and when i stick my hand out from under the covers, there was always a breeze..

it sounds like i live in a house made of mud or something haha.

watched Oprah today. some of the Ellen Degeneres show. i like watching Ellen. when she makes people dance and stuff. dancing is such a good pick me up. seriously.. that's probably why she's always so gay. yes.. if you haven't noticed i just killed two birds with one stone (thats the saying, right?..)

so i'm feeling pretty up to reading my art history book today. look through it. it's my brothers. he gave it to me when i thought about doing something with Art History.

so the lead singer of Phantom Planet is really quite hot. i'm not gonna lie.

we talked last night for like 20 minutes 'cause he was tired. it was good. i dunno.. when people say that phone calls are so important in any kind of relationship, i never got that. my mind never understood why.. like, why phone calls? isn't seeing that person in the flesh so much better..? but then when i was talking to him last night, i finally got it. i mean, when we talk on text message it's so.. like.. not them. you imagine them saying it right? but thats awful 'cause the mood you're in affects how you hear it in your head. so we were talking on the phone, and just hearing his voice is so nice. and hearing his little laughs and sighs here and there.. it was just.. good.

well i know Nicole's waiting for me to finish this up haha, so i will.... finish this up :P

"all i have to do is think of me and i'll have peace of mind."

dream - remember them?

flashback1:
She stole your heart
Only did it because she could
Chewed you up and spat you out
That girl never was no good
Baby I will never do thatI'll love you faithfully
But your suspicious mind thinks
I'm gonna repeat her story

That was her, this is me
We're as different as can be
She and I are nothing alike
You confusing day with night
That was then, this is now
You wanna trust me,
But you don't know how
I'm never gonna mess around,
Set you down, can't you see
That was her
And baby this is me

flashback2:
Pulling petals off a flower trying to get your way.
Keep pulling til' it says what you want it to say.
Girl you can pick a field full of daisies,
But he'd still be my baby.
Instinctively, I know what you're thinking,
You'll be giving him an open invitation,
But my baby won't be taken in.
You can pout your cherry lips,
Try to tend him with a sweet kiss.
You can flutt your pretty eyes,
He ain't got his hands tied.

You're the kind of girl that is always up for do or dare.
Only want him just because he's there.
Always looking for a new ride,
The grass is greener on the other side.
You're the kind of girl who's not use to hearing no,
All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go.
It doesn't matter how hard you try, you're never gonna get with my guy.


woooooow. i listen to songs like these, and actually enjoy them, and then i realize just how big of a fruit cake i really am.
but i wouldn't have it any other way.

ps. no subliminal messaging. as always =)

i'm scared of the word lol leave me alone

I keep on fallin in ---- with you
Sometimes I ---- ya
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
---ing you darling
Makes me so confused

How do you give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain
Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool
I start fallin back in ---- with you

got your hand between my knees

i have a mental checklist of things i would like to say. but none of them seem all the great and important. so i'm kinda bored. have no homework. got my math test back.. 69%. 22/32. one of the higher marks. says a lot about my class hey. it's fucking gay. my teacher is gay. so is my social teacher. the only teachers i actually like this semester are Mr. F and Mrs. Page. wow. they're both so cool.
i had religion this morning and Mr F comes up to me holding his cup of coffee and he told me to touch the mug. i put the side of my finger on it and he was like "it's so nice and warm" and he was laughing. wow. now that i write it it sounds really creepy. but he really isn't creepy haha. he's so cool. short asian guy :P

as for my social teacher.. he's just a knob.

it's so cold out. it really sucks. on the bus for over an hour.. and my toes become completely frozen. i learned something about myself today. so i'm sitting there and my toes are in massive pain because they're about to get frostbite, and i sit there thinking about it. thinking about the pain, and it becomes not so bad. i find that when i think about the pain i'm going through, it's more bearable than if i were to try not to think about. i find myself embracing the pain and actually feeling it. instead of ignoring it, what people tell me to do when i'm in pain.

you spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round around.

errr. blahhhh. i almost cried today. don't ask why. it was at lunch. me and Leigha were looking out the window. we were talking. and then there was a pause, and something happened. and i started tearing up. and i put my hands on my face, and she gave me a hug and a kiss, and i just kinda pulled myself together and told myself i couldn't do that there, i couldn't let it get to me.

when emotional is your middle name, it gets hard to keep away from it. i don't want to be emotional and i don't want to think. i hate being a girl and having this constant need to feel things. i'm sick of it. i don't need that extra emotional baggage bringing me down. it's a pain in the ass and i get so sick and tired of that feeling.. when you can;t breathe, and you feel cold and hot at the exact same time and you feel nauseous.. you feel sick, and then you just want to cry 'cause you haven't in a million months and you find something wrong with that because you're middle name is emotional.

everythings good now. i just need to learn to calm down. and step outside myself. i've said that before, but it's true. and when i feel the need to cry or something, i have to tell myself that i'm better than that. nothing should make me cry, unless it's to a good sad movie or when receiving a nice cunt punt. nothing else should make me cry. i hate fucking crying. i feel like i'm melting and my vision gets blurry and i don't like it when i can't see anything. that's the worst. when you cry and you can't see shit 'cause your eyes are a fucking faucet.

then you worry about how you look and then you feel like a faggot. nothing in this life is worth crying over. on the other hand, everything in this life is worth laughing for. and nicole may have a point.. that you need a balance. but i think laughing is a lot more fun than crying. especially when you're crying with this pain in your chest and that nauseous feeling inside. it's the mose awful thing i think. i had a flashback to last summer. except this time it went differently. and that makes me happy. it makes me want to jump around like a little kid on Christmas.

i love my kittens. i feel like cuddling with them right now. i'll be back

hey slim, i drank a fifth of vodka.. dare me to drive?

you other slim shady's are just imitating

so i chewed my thumb completely and absolutely raw this weekend. so bad that i just put a mound of polysporin on it, and wrapped it in kleenex.
i wrapped the kleenex with tape, ran out of tape, so i tied floss around it, then i put hockey tape around it.

don't be surprised if i wake up with no thumb in the morning.

donnie darko

so yeah. here's my dedication to Donnie Darko, another favorite of mine:

Sean Smith: Beer and pussy. That's all I need. Ronald Fisher: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette. Sean Smith: Smurfette? Ronald Fisher: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does. Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck. Ronald Fisher: That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny. Sean Smith: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual. Ronald Fisher: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay? Sean Smith: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action. Ronald Fisher: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape. Donnie: [shouts] First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick? Sean Smith: [pause] Dammit, Donnie. Why you gotta get all smart on us?

Donnie: I made a new friend today. Dr. Lilian Thurman: Real or imaginary? Donnie: Imaginary.

Frank: 28 days... six hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.

Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit? Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

Donnie: [in a letter] Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and... there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.

Sean Smith: [at the bus stop ] Good shit, eh? Donnie: Dude, it's a fucking cigarette.

Dr. Lilian Thurman: What did Roberta Sparrow say to you? Donnie: She said "Every living creature on earth dies alone".

Donnie: Ling Ling finds a wallet on the ground filled with money. She takes the wallet to the address on the driver's license but keeps the money inside the wallet. [Scoffs] Donnie: I-I'm sorry Mrs. Farmer. I don't get this. Donnie: Life isn't that simple. I mean who cares if Ling Ling returns the wallet and keeps the money? It has nothing to do with either fear or love. Kitty Farmer: Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions. Donnie: Okay. But you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can't just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else!

Karen Pommeroy: This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Cellar Door is the most beautiful.

Emily Bates: Mom said the school is closed today because it's flooded, and there's feces everywhere! Susie Bates: What are feces? Emily Bates: Baby mice. Susie Bates: Aww.

Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you still think about girls a lot? Donnie: [Under hypnosis] Yeah. Dr. Lilian Thurman: How are things going at school? Donnie: I think about girls a lot. Dr. Lilian Thurman: I asked you about school, Donnie. Donnie: I think about fucking a lot, in school. Dr. Lilian Thurman: What else do you think about, when you're at school? Donnie: Married With Children. Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you think about your family? Donnie: I just turn down the volume and think about fucking Christina Applegate. Dr. Lilian Thurman: I asked you about your family. Donnie: [Chuckling] No, I don't think about fucking my family, that's gross.

Rose Darko: Our son just called me a bitch. Edward Darko: You're not a bitch. You're bitchin', but you're not a bitch.

Dr. Lilian Thurman: Donnie, an athiest is someone who denies altogether the existance of God. You're an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believe that there can be no proof of the existance of God, but does not deny the possibility that God exists.

Jim Cunningham: Son... DO YOU SEE THIS? This is an Anger Prisoner. A textbook example. DO YOU SEE THE FEAR, PEOPLE? This boy is scared to death of the truth. Son, it breaks my heart to say this, but I believe you are a very troubled and confused young man. I believe you are searching for the answers in all the wrong places... Donnie: You're right, actually. I am pretty- I'm, I'm pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I... and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I... I... I think you're the fucking Antichrist.

Gretchen: My mom had to get a restraining order against my step dad. He has emotional problems. Donnie: Oh, I have those too. What kind does your step dad have? Gretchen: He stabbed my mom four times in the chest. Donnie: Oh.

Donnie: You are such a fuckass. Elizabeth: Did you just call me a fuckass? You can go suck a fuck. Donnie: Oh, please, tell me Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?

Donnie: Frank, when's this gonna stop? Frank: You should already know that.

haha. it's so fucked up it's amazing.

i love EN

jesus christ its an amazing movie. it just blows my mind.

you have to watch American History X. for more than one reason:

1) it talks about real issues and it has a point
2) it's not one of those fucking dumbass movies for brain dead people
3) it brings to the table a different perspective on american life and makes you aware
4) Edward Norton is amazing in it and very very sexy
5) it pulls you in like never before
6) it makes you cry
7) it's unexpected

a long time ago

chrissy is hot shit,
so hot im gunna throw a fit.
She's funny smart and full of wit.
and you better watch out she don't put up wit shit.
You all wish you were as beautiful as this girl i know
.because then you could put on the hottest show.
she's just a young girl tryin to make it in the world.
so all you boys stay in line
cuz i know all you boys think this girl is fine

haha. by nathan

christine sixteen by KISS

she's got me dizzy, she sees me through to the end she's got me in her hands and there's no use in pretending christine sixteen, christine sixteen

she drives me crazy, i want to give her all i've got and she's hot every day and night, there is no doubt about it
christine sixteen, christine sixteen

"i don't usually say things like this to girls your age, but when i saw you coming out of the school that day, that day i knew, i knew, i've got to have you, i've got to have you."
she's' been around, but she's young and clean i've got to have her, can't live without her, whoo no

christine sixteen, christine sixteen
christine, christine, sixteen, sixteen christine, yeah, yeah so clean, christine, sixteen, sixteen christine, yeah, christine, yeah, yeah

they're talking about me i know it.

outside myself

i just need to step outside myself and know that i'm worth caring about. i need to realize how unimportant the details are sometimes. and i need to go with the flow.


be a mad woman to mad music

under the tuscan sun

this movie is seriously my safety blanket. i love it to death, and it makes me feel better anytime i'm feeling sad. it never fails. and it has so many inspiring quotes, that i just have to put all my favorite ones here:

Frances: Every day I watch for the old man with the flowers, and I wonder, was he born here? Did he love someone here? Did he lose someone here? He doesn't seem as curious about me, but that's all right. These days I'm something of a loner myself.

Frances: Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid. Martini: No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco. Frances: Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too. Martini: Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

Frances: What is it about love that makes us so stupid?

Frances: The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. Its such a suprise.

You have to live spherically, in many directions. Never lose your childish enthusiasm...and...things will come your way.

Remember at the end when another man left her in the most terrible way. She thinks it's all over for her. Then, she see's some children playing in the street making music, and before she knows it, she's smiling again. That's what feyfey always said.. no matter what happens, always keep your childish innocence...it's the most important thing.

Frances: What are four walls, anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It's such a surprise.

Frances: I'd like to make an offer on the house. This is what I can pay, minus the work on the place, and a rental car to drive off a cliff when this all turns out to have been a terrible mistake.

Katherine: Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present.

Frances: Do traffic lights mean anythng around here? Marcello: Sure. Green light - avanti, avanti. Yellow light - decoration. Frances: What about red light? Marcello: Just a suggestion.

Katherine: Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing.

Martini: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come

Frances: So I was now the owner of a villa whose lands it would take two oxen two days to plow. Owning neither an ox nor a plow, I'd have to take their word for that.

Frances: What's your name? Marcello: Marcello. Frances: Of course it is.

How are you ever going to behappy if you keep wallowing? Listen,when I was a little girl, I used to spend hourslooking for ladybugs. Finally, I'd just give upand fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up,they were crawling all over me.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

today already sucks already.

i realize i've used already twice.

i got me some chapstick

i'm just sitting here in silence. i need some music. hold on.

ok. hello. so i will start with the usual.

block one social - heard this girl talking about the world cup. one girl asked who won. she said "Italy, unfortunately". and then i felt the fury build inside. so i leaned forward and was like "are you guys talking about the world cup?" "yes." "oh yeah. i was in Italy for that. Italy was AWESOME. i was so HAPPY THEY WON THE WORLD CUP." lol. i was about ready to go up to her and give her a nice slap upside the head.

block two religion - listened to semi-homo student teacher again. did a test on Moses.

block three social - presented our group things. Mr. S saw me drawing an arrow on our sheet, when i was connecting two similar points, and he was just like "your bossy. your not even going to discuss with your group?" and i was like "i haven't done anything so far!" and he was like "you should discuss it with your group first" and i was like "fine then. i won't do anything next time." fuck he gets on my nerves. and then he told the class my new nickname is Bossy Rossi. like wtf is that. UGH. Madison called me that in math today.

lunch - hung out with Leigha, Lauren, Pascale and David. we went to the stage, which i thought was rather pointless, but then Lauren helped me realize that the whole lunch hour is pretty much a big waste. then i saw Cole. he threw me over his shoulder, and this time i didn't kick, i didn't scream.. only until i realized he was running towards the door, and then he flipped me the other way, and i got down, because i didn't want him to throw me in the snow. THAT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN GOOD. considering our school was super cold. and our locker is on a wall that also has the outside on the other side so everything in our locker was close to being frozen.

block 4 math - watched the football game in the states, and did our work. i have a test tomorrow. i think i might actually do good on this one.

block 5 biology - i don't remember much about bio. i remember checking for Amanda's pulse, and laughing after i couldn't think of a question to ask her to see if she was lieing. haha

bus ride - Tanner shared some of his chips, i fell asleep with my hood on and my head leaning on the back of the seat in front of me. Tanner woke me up when he was leaving though. and my toes almost fell off again. that dumb bus is fucking cold.

no i'm here. the thing that made me most happy today was the fact that i had chapstick, and that my lips were no longer dry. does that mean my day sucked? not really. i'm just really thankful for my chapstick. it's Blistex. the berry kind. it also has SPF 15, although i don't really think thats necessary in this kind of weather.

do you ever have those moments when you're mad at someone for something.. let's say texting you back. and then a few minutes later you're just like. "why am i mad. i'm not even mad. i mean, yeah i'm annoyed. but i'm sure there's a good reason for his not talking to me. he wouldn't just........ not talk to me. lol". hmm. it's ok. i need to back off sometimes. do something else with myself. i read The Book last night. i don't think i've ever talked about this book in here. but i read it last year, and i remember wanting to smack myself for not reading it when i had the chance to make things better with someone else. it's a good book. and i have to admit, when people ask to borrow it... deep down i want to put chains on it and attach it to myself lol. it's helped me a lot with understanding things. i read it last night for the first time in a long while. and i can tell you.. i got some understanding out of it.

i went to bed at 11:15 last night. and i am tired. and i kinda feel shitty. i think i'm gonna get off the computer now. my plan for tonight? 1) do some work out because that always makes me feel better 2) study math thoroughly 3) watch The OC if i have time.

twisted logic

it makes me go crazy to a certain extent. after that, it just makes me feel unwanted and unneeded.

i don't understand the logics behind your actions sometimes..

i'm morbid

so today was eventful.

block1 communications- me and Will walked around and took pictures. well, he took them. and happened to be recording videos as well. and he took really random pictures of me and i've never seen him laugh so hard haha. i just happened to have a ton of odd expressions today. lol. i shall post them one day. probably tomorrow or something. if this stupid thing let's me put pictures up. UGH

block2 social- got made fun of as usual. Alex needed my math worksheet, so i asked Mr.S to let me go to my locker. he asked why and i said i needed a textbook. then i said i needed a worksheet. he said for what. and i said for math. and he said it was't math. and then i said it's for Alex so he could check his answers. and he was like oh, he's gonna copy your answers. and i said no, just look. and he shooed me out lol. then we were put in groups for some project thing.

block3 religion- first day student teacher suckiness. he sounds gay. and he was not interesting at all.

lunch- walked around with Leigha and all them. can't really remember what we did exactly.

block4 biology- disected a pig heart. was mighty fun. i was really into it. after we were done doing what we needed to do with it, we were allowed to explore it and what not, and it was so cool. i destroyed it to bits. and then i told Melissa i wanted to chuck it against the wall. and she was like "you're so morbid. but i love it." and i asked what it meant, and she said sick and twisted haha. but it was so squishy and stuff, i just had the urge to throw it at something. and i cut off little chunks and she wanted to throw them at people in the hallway. haha. it was a lot of fun.

block5 math- worked on review. i actually did my work. sat with Alex. and bugged Madison until he was about to put a gun to my head or something 'cause i kept asking him if i was doing things right. and then i stole his apple juice. and it was some damn good apple juice. and i let him know often. haha. he was pretty annoyed i'm not gonna lie.

slept on the bus ride home. and almost froze to death.

it was a pretty good day. actually, it was a very good day.

three and a half hours

so i don't think i'm moody anymore. i don't think. i'm pretty content. i think it's 'cause i just had to turn the volume up a bit more. and about 10 minutes ago i realized that my bass was turned down low. so it wasn't on to it's full potential. and bass is the best part.
so i snuck out last night. around 2:30 or so, and came back at 3:45 or so. i woke up at 6:30 or so. i took a nap. and today i was pretty fine. i was probably more energetic than usual, which makes no sense at all. but then there was those times when i'd get dizzy for a bit, and lose concentration. i actually did more work today in my classes. i can honestly say i had more concentration than i usually do. but tonight i told myself i was going to sleep at 8. so that gives me another 3 and a half hours 'til bedtime. i doubt that'll happen. i can't fall asleep before 10. i'd lay there for 2 hours doing nothing, and thinking about nothing. i'd probably listen to music. usually i do right before bed. on my iPod, not on my computer. and i listen to all my favorite songs really loud and i mouth the words and i'm pretty much an air lead singer lol. i can be a one person air band. i can play all air instruments. i've talked about it before, but it's only 'cause it's true. i just have a talent for these things.

so yeah, i'm pretty happy i didn't get caught last night. 'cause i thought for sure something was gonna go wrong since something always does. but i didn't let anything go wrong. i was paranoid, so i did everything i could to prevent noise. i taped my zippers on my coat so they wouldn't jingle haha. plus, i had my cigarettes and lighter in a tin, and i filled it with kleenex so that they wouldn;t make noise in my pocket. i'm a smart thinker, i think. lol. i think things through a lot. well, i take that back. it depends. sometimes i think through things, and sometimes i don't think. and then i get into shit. because i'm dumb. and i get cocky, and i think nothing bad can happen, and then that's when i fuckin screw up and it sucks. UGH. i fucking hate that.
hmm. anyways.

i might write later. right now i am cold.