got your hand between my knees

i have a mental checklist of things i would like to say. but none of them seem all the great and important. so i'm kinda bored. have no homework. got my math test back.. 69%. 22/32. one of the higher marks. says a lot about my class hey. it's fucking gay. my teacher is gay. so is my social teacher. the only teachers i actually like this semester are Mr. F and Mrs. Page. wow. they're both so cool.
i had religion this morning and Mr F comes up to me holding his cup of coffee and he told me to touch the mug. i put the side of my finger on it and he was like "it's so nice and warm" and he was laughing. wow. now that i write it it sounds really creepy. but he really isn't creepy haha. he's so cool. short asian guy :P

as for my social teacher.. he's just a knob.

it's so cold out. it really sucks. on the bus for over an hour.. and my toes become completely frozen. i learned something about myself today. so i'm sitting there and my toes are in massive pain because they're about to get frostbite, and i sit there thinking about it. thinking about the pain, and it becomes not so bad. i find that when i think about the pain i'm going through, it's more bearable than if i were to try not to think about. i find myself embracing the pain and actually feeling it. instead of ignoring it, what people tell me to do when i'm in pain.

you spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round around.

errr. blahhhh. i almost cried today. don't ask why. it was at lunch. me and Leigha were looking out the window. we were talking. and then there was a pause, and something happened. and i started tearing up. and i put my hands on my face, and she gave me a hug and a kiss, and i just kinda pulled myself together and told myself i couldn't do that there, i couldn't let it get to me.

when emotional is your middle name, it gets hard to keep away from it. i don't want to be emotional and i don't want to think. i hate being a girl and having this constant need to feel things. i'm sick of it. i don't need that extra emotional baggage bringing me down. it's a pain in the ass and i get so sick and tired of that feeling.. when you can;t breathe, and you feel cold and hot at the exact same time and you feel nauseous.. you feel sick, and then you just want to cry 'cause you haven't in a million months and you find something wrong with that because you're middle name is emotional.

everythings good now. i just need to learn to calm down. and step outside myself. i've said that before, but it's true. and when i feel the need to cry or something, i have to tell myself that i'm better than that. nothing should make me cry, unless it's to a good sad movie or when receiving a nice cunt punt. nothing else should make me cry. i hate fucking crying. i feel like i'm melting and my vision gets blurry and i don't like it when i can't see anything. that's the worst. when you cry and you can't see shit 'cause your eyes are a fucking faucet.

then you worry about how you look and then you feel like a faggot. nothing in this life is worth crying over. on the other hand, everything in this life is worth laughing for. and nicole may have a point.. that you need a balance. but i think laughing is a lot more fun than crying. especially when you're crying with this pain in your chest and that nauseous feeling inside. it's the mose awful thing i think. i had a flashback to last summer. except this time it went differently. and that makes me happy. it makes me want to jump around like a little kid on Christmas.

i love my kittens. i feel like cuddling with them right now. i'll be back

hey slim, i drank a fifth of vodka.. dare me to drive?