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thats my new blog sans emotional baggage.

this is it. 1, 430 entries of my life.

there's something about this that isn't satisfying anymore

i'm starting a new blog on a new site...  details coming soon

it melts open a portal for good things and flowers

i sleep with windows open i sleep with eyes wide in case you would come walkin

in case you change your mind

don't break yourself for me

i was talking about tea watering those flowers that do exist within me when i don't want to

oppress them

i need to dig into the dirt and plant some roots to go back to when i find out rainbows 

really aren't a gift 

and peace signs turn into middle fingers, where eyes are no longer clear windows to souls

that don't exist anymore

or did they ever

the black ink stains my fingers as it does the cement floor 

and the organic peppermint tea stains my insides

let me speak to you and tell you this 

when you feel frustrated or upset

and drink digestive aids and don't go on facebook 

because you may feel hopeless at the changes that continue to occur

over and overwhen you seem to be getting used to the way things are

open the journal you once wrote in and take a peek, read the words to feel how you felt

only to realize that has not changed

you feel the same as you always did but how come

if facebook can change, then why can i not?

dry grass is something not to be jealous of i can't wait for lush grass and never ending sunsets

that never seem to end

i would not mind drinking myself to death if the killer were this peppermint tea

it sets the balance of the world right

now come smoke some grass with me because this is the end of the ABC's

i hate the layout of this blog now.  i have garlic bread jammed in my throat and its hard to swallow

i just sit sit here listening to mgmt

in this lighting that makes me pleasantly uncomfortable

salvia scares me as i almost entered that world 

i felt under the sea  hands clammy mouth freshly wet

arms floating eyes welling up

i can breathe under water but i was scared it would fade away

olivia was loud in her trip i

 was scared she'd wake my parents

hey mom and dad we're just smoking a legal drug old in a store that is apparently stronger than LSD

lucy in the sky with diamonds

pot is my safety net, i would much rather do what i usually do 

without worrying and barricading doors for harder drugs

it's a huge part of my life and i wish i could tell them

other times i feel i just do it cuz im bored

like now the best feeling is knowing i can watch a fantastic movie and 

smoke from the Lebanese 

Blonde and feel real good

and then have no problem sleeping

then to wake up in hours eat lasagna for lunch and go to olivias

to move her room around and then work and then do the exact same thing i will be doing

its something to rely on, that i can rely on 

thats exactly it

meet the Lebanese Blonde, she is mine and Olivia's bong.

isn't she beautiful?

i am free eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i need to decide what to eeeeeeeat

i'm feeling it, now.

when it's late and i wrap up all conversations in the virtual world

and i get ready for bed.. i sit here empty handed and 

i need to do something

this is the time when i would smoke in bed

but i have none and so

it goes.

10 000 songs and i don't know what could fill up this space positively

i settle for Amsterdam.

i minorly cut my hair tonight. i have an art history exam tomorrow.  

i hope i do ok. hope can't really help, though.  

time is on my side, hey?  i'm not sure i agree with that after the last year and a half went by. 

things started speeding up around the time i met Vitto, around my 18th birthday.

it's like time said, "you're an adult now, you get to feel like adults feel on their birthdays" and this time warp hasn't stopped yet.

i need a bedtime conversation. so i send Vitto a text. just now.

his response i can rely on.  i suppose i can't say that i can't sleep, because i haven't really tried.

what i really wanna do is listen to music and sing sing sing

its the only thing i always want to do deep down.. singing makes me happy

especially screaming words in a large crowd hopefully led by Chris Martin.

i'm still deciding whether punctuation is cool or not.  or whether it would be cool to just have an entire blog conversation as a run on sentence that will never stop and it will keep going on forever as long as i am living and writing and it is sort of like On The Road

is it not

it's just a long scroll of words and thoughts right

punctuation only gets in the way of words and the path that an individual would like to take

when reading 

the only punctuation needed are line breaks where the lines break

and forces your eye movement to also be broken

oh geez the Oath of Horatii is by David and it's neoclassical

how high can we rise? 

oh geez the raft of medusa is by gericault and i love it so

it's so romantic

ism

i wonder if there could ever be a christine ism and what would it entail

i study these artists and all i can really relate to is the 

dispassionate observer

not that i have no passion because i do i really do i just

am a careless drifter

sacrificing things just so i dont feel stress

so i feel relaxed

so i feel parallel to laying in the grass 

even if im not in the grass

but too scared to literally be a careless drifter

because if i were

i wouldnt be here

talking to you 

worrying about an art history exam in the morn

or am i worrying

i dont really know

i just want to keep writing words and breaking lines 

oh martin luther how you reformed us all 

but were prevented by counter reformation that we call baroque

those theatre boxes of conversation and dramatic lighting

oh the ecstasy of st theresa as well

after baroque after baroque

after

is rococo the safeway cake

flamboyant and colorful, vibrancy

lush 

the meeting by fragonard i remember 

i hope you ve stopped reading or else you are just wasting your time 

but i suppose life is a waste of time

might as well waste it well 

learning the knowledge i claim to have learned in 2 months

such a short amount of time no wonder time flies

like bread in Alice in Wonderland

vitto is cool Vitto is always cool

he just never got to see who i was i was so nervous to be seeing my brothers friend

i was shy and nervous and he never got to experience me 

as the paradigm of nice shirts

Help I'm Alive is such a great song because it is slow and fast at the same time

one rhythm makes me feel like i'm swimming in a wind tunnel with my hair all over

and everything is slow motion

when a constant drum is layered on top, bringing a person back to reality and to feel grounded into the dancefloor in faster motion.

and then all of a sudden the guitar riff changes drastically and brings a completely different feel to it.

i love that "i tremble part"  its so angelic, you feel floaty and then they bring in that deep tone underneath it and it totally brings your feet into the ground, you're brought back to earth and you feel safer almost.  the meshing of different feelings

it's perfection in so many ways. she pronounces every single word,  brilliant

i don't want to say anything because i would look like the biggest idiot

it's terrible 

or something like that

they're gonna eat me alive

me and olive watched 90s videos and movie trailers last night

it was bliss because i was ignorant to other things

do i really have a message waiting for me?

did that actually happen, it was the nicest feeling i had felt in awhile

comfort, familiarity, hi-ness, somewhat fresh and green and innocent.

good conversation, i didn't have to try to talk about things.

and then it just happened and it was the best

yes, well, 

i'm going insane.  it's 2 am, i want to see 

i need to be with someone a lot. sometimes i like to be all by myself, 

but sometimes 

i wish i could go drive around right now, i want to see the city lights blend with the stars

so i could feel that much more alone with just me and my car, 

Edie.  

i felt like Andy and i want to be Andy at every party. document the surroundings and 

never really be a part of the surroundings..

"i'm not used to unloading on people" "too busy being loaded on, i guess"

the orange county makes me depressed and sad

tuck me in,

you

primitivism is appealing 

the more baggage i have,

the more i have stuffed in my bag,

the more things that could go wrong and ruin me

i got tickets to xavier rudd

why do i suddenly feel like this when i used to feel

the absence of chemistry so strongly before

he is a perfectly interesting, hilarious guy. it's been a little over a year since we met.

and we went out for bubble tea. he made me laugh a lot, and he's

ugh i don't wanna talk about it

k

we won't

my elbow is feeling arthiritis-y

i wonder if there will ever be Christineism in the future

whispers in my head things to do things to do 

so many things to do

i don't think i'll ever feel completely confident of my work

i want to go biking and sit in tall grass with O.Bond

and take photos and be high in the sky all day long

have a picnic in the warm breeze the sun

i need to recharge my camera batteries for tomorrow

my 18 year old cousin is acting like a 10 year old and 

as a result, two of my hotmail accounts are frozen

i don't really mind about the msn, but i actually use one of those e-mails

and that e-mail is connected to the frozen e-mail, thereby having hypothermia

spread to it resulting in frozen

2 frozen e-mail accounts

but it's ok, i think about going to Coldplay with Hannah and going to

Xavier Rudd with O.Bond

and nothing else seems to really matter

i need to start studying and reading and re-drawing

oh man oh man i have to wake up in 5 hours

but it is my last day of classes

it will be a long day

but a good day indeed

i felt like a pompous pomp for about 20 minutes tonight 

i shouldn't have said anything, i should have consulted my brother

just because i'm losing doesn't mean i'm lost

i drove through a puddle and i heard the noise through the open windows

it reminded me of Italy.  the damp road

i love road trips through Italy especially in the evening

the mountains, lights, the brisk air, but the mountains

you feel like there is no place like that

that could make you feel so protected

it's just the feeling

with the music

and the atmosphere

you never want it to end

ever

all from that one puddle, i got this feeling

and then i foresaw the summer with my brother

being in Holland and then Italy with him

to converse with him in person and laugh and talk about everything i've done this year

he is the only person in the world who i can actually talk to.

most of the time when i talk to people, i rush and leave things out because i always feel

like they don't care for what i have to say.

with Daniel, i can say whatever i want for however long i want because i know he

cares for what i have to say

it makes me cry, i miss him a lot

i read his saved text messages sometimes and i feel so depressed

the whole dynamics of this household have changed

oh goodness i will never stop living in the minutes that have already jumped out the window

don't nobody know my troubles with God?????????????????

sitting here doing damage

to myself

bury me in armour when i'm dead and hit the ground

i am so excited for coldplay hotstop herethere nearfar 

but it will be so good i will want to remember that feeling for a long while

loud concerts big concerts make me so happy where i am in a room filled with so many peeps

there for the same thing i'm there for

all that time she was silent still

so if you love me won't you let me know

i know i'll cry. hannah will see me cry at the coldplay concert 

in the stands

i will extend my arms towards Chris Martin hoping he fixates his brilliant blue eyes on only me

and in that moment we have brain waves pulsating back and forth

and he promises to sing to me everyday

with that british accent

soldiers you got to soldier on

"instead of proving a point, let's right a wrong."

sandy cohen said that. i'd like a man like him.  nice surfer guy who never seems to get grey hair

actually grey hair isn't so bad

i only seemed to take a liking in Will Smith when he had grey hair in I Am Legend

i'm going to watch Basquiat. it's 1:57 am

good nite

it's that stream again

i've decided i am not into him, despite how good looking he is.

i can safely say that personality really does override looks. and perhaps i'm not as shallow 

as one may have thought, seeing as i was almost repulsed by the sight of my last love

at the first meeting

and it got better and better

i'm in too good of a state, i think. i'm happy where i am, i suppose. 

i'm gonna go look at pretty things noww *apartment therapy *2 or 3 things i know

that was so depressing 

i hope no one i know dies unexpectedly

Baby has fallen asleep watching the fish, how absolutely cute

i have nothing more to really say to you

i still can't decide.. shouldn't i know by now???

My name is    and i have a best friend

and for once i don't wanna budge

i'm laughing so hard

because i can't stop watching those videos that me and Olivia made on my

macbook yesterday

its 7 40 pm right now

Father Len is at our house right now.  he is the priest who married my parents 

and my dad and uncle usually go hunting on his acreage during the right season. 

when we first moved into our house, he had blessed every room in it.

and just now, we walked around to our bedrooms, seeing the kind of energy that our beds lay within. 

see, the earth is made up of grids, they are 13 by 13 (i don't remember the dimension) and when you spend a lot of time on the grid, you are more likely to be unhealthy.  it's a physics thing, and it's really interesting.

he has this magnetic pendulum which he holds over our beds and different areas of the rooms, and depending on which direction it moves, he is able to tell whether that area is on or off of the grid. when an area is on the grid, it has bad energy, and if lots of time is spent on that area, sickness' are more likely to happen, etc. 

so checking our beds for their energies makes sense because that's where we spend most of our day.

it makes sense, though, i haven't been sick in so long, my dad's never been sick in his entire lifetime, and my mom is the same way.  

he went into this other explanation that energy becomes built up within our bodies, which is what arthritis is. this energy comes mostly from computers, microwaves, etc. and because nowadays, everybody constantly has footwear on, we aren't able to let go of these energies.  

primitive people walked around barefoot, allowing them to release those energies. then they started using leather and cotton and wool, which are all natural, which also allows them to release those energies. 

by putting a freezer pack on the ground somewhere in your home, you are able to get rid of those energies, so that when you hover the magnetic pendulum above any area of your home, it should be completely neutral, moving back and forth and not in a clockwise or counter-clockwise circle. 

it freaks me out because when i walked out to the kitchen to say hi

he grabbed my hand and the first thing he said to me was

"You look sad. You miss your brother."

ah yes, this morning i rose from bed at 5:45 to make sure i got a spot in the classes i wanted.

here are my schedules for my second year of design school:

also, this spring i am taking a Film Studies course to get rid of half the option credits i need for year 2. this is so exciting