it was a very chill day.
i had cosmetology with my girls first block.
i had english with my girl second block.
i had spare with myself third block.
i had lunch with my girl at lunch.
i had chemistry with my crew 4th block.
went downtown and took a bus to his house fifth block.
blazed with my boys sixth block.
watched Knocked Up and burned incense with my boy 7th block.
drank green tea with my boy eighth block.
i think i really like him for long time.
Thursday, January 31
Wednesday, January 30
i'm tired of saying nothing about what has been happening to me.
on one hand, i really really want to talk about it. but on the other hand, i want to keep it myself because i don't know what is going to happen.
i'll keep it down to the basics..
that guy that i met at the bar.. Vitto. well we've been texting for the past three days. and i'm hanging out with him tomorrow.
basically, he could be one of the coolest people i've ever met. he's 22 and a hippie. he has those really old VW vans from the 70s and he lived in Australia for 6 months and went to New Zealand and was pretty much a beach bum.
the best part? he's friends with my brother. i told my brother yesterday we were going to hang out and all he could say (with a big smile on his face) was "i'm going to kill that guy." but then he continued to say he's a really really wicked guy. and he's italian! him and my brother went to italian school together. and to add to that, he grew up 2 doors down from my brothers girlfriend, Heather. so it won't be awkward when and if we hang out together.
last night me and Vitto were texting and it was 1 am and he told me to tell my brother "il gatto nero fa meow meow" (in italian it means the black cat goes meow meow) and so i told me brother and my brother says "tell him- Come lo sai esopo?" (which means how do you know, esopo?) and Vitto sends one back saying he laughed so hard.
i was so out of the loop but he then told me it was an italian song they learned in Italian school.
it's just a really really cool feeling. i have no way of knowing what will happen, but i can't wait, whatever it is.
Tuesday, January 29
Follow me because
I will lead the way
to the very end of the things I pray
and all that I know I will pass on
until the day you will need me no more.
I will take you to where you’ve never been before.
and I’ll show you all of this colourful world
and when the moment comes that you will carry on,
You, you’ll do the same
You will lead the game
for another, another
just like you.
Monday, January 28
do you ever actually think about the water you drink?
i mean, the Earth only has a certain amount of water which has been recycled since the beginning of time.
i imagine the water people are drinking is entering their bodies, exiting their bodies, going into the water cleaning system and so on..
and then when you add rivers, lakes, oceans, and even the water cycle! i mean, it is totally possible that i am drinking water that has travelled to the sky!
or maybe Cleopatra bathed in the same bath water as i do! there are a million possibilites.
just think of how ancient water molecules are.. they never really disappear.
oh, the stories water would tell if only it could talk.
i have this nasty habit.
not necessarily nasty, but it's an awful habit to have because it's exactly what women do wrong.
i have this old old old magazine from 2000.. it's Teen People and it has Sisqo on the cover. i refer to this magazine many times in my life. specifically when i meet a new guy. any new guy.. even the ones i don't want to be with romantically.
inside there's three pages.
the first page is for the women. it has all the zodiac signs and under it says for each zodiac what about men they prefer most... in areas such as appearance, personality, ideals etc...
for example, under Aquarius (me!) it says this...
LOOKS:
DUDE. rude-boy vibe. skate, ska-style. fluid body lingo. radical hair-- the odd dye job, tattoo or piercing.
PERSONALITY:
CONSCIOUS. visionary. probing. provocative. out of bounds. zealous. exceptional. progressive. humane. lustily longing.
IDEALS:
CHANGE. rebellion. individualism. self-promotion. clarity. invention. tolerance. temperance.
AMBITION:
NIRVANA.ending strife. fostering solidarity. solving global problems.
on the second page is what men want.
for example i will pick want an Aquarian man would want (and for the record, i've never actually had to look under this zodiac sign for men before)...
LOOK:
LOVE CHILD. beads, braids. buff yoga bod. strappy styles. corn-fed face. techno-trappings. open gaze.
and so on and so on.
i use this page a lot. and even though it's probably not true, it's cool to see what it says anyways.
finally! the third and last page is a table. across the top are the mens zodiac signs and going down the side are the womens zodiac signs. you find the woman's and man's sign and see their compatibility. ( i also love and use this a lot)
so when i use Aquarius and Aquarius together here is what it says:
EXTRA-ORDINARY. normal outside, freaky inside. both brainy.
how cool is that?!?!
let's be nerdy and confess that this is my 900th post!!
how ridiculous is that.
very very ridiculous.
i sit here with not an ounce of worry for i am officially done semester one of my senior year. YAY
also, my brother's italian friend who i met at the bar (see previous post for reference) has added me to facebook and while having a pleasant conversation, he asked for my brother's phone number because he changed phones and didn't have it anymore. so i gave it to him with the clever remark "do you want mine too while you're at it? haha just kidding.." and he said "sure! just don't tell dan he might kill me"
so he text messaged me and we texted last night for a few hours.
it was pretty ... weird haha
i had a feeling that once i have the title of "adult" i'd become this force to be reckoned with. and that, i have become =D
Saturday, January 26
alright so this is how my 18th birthday went. and yes i remember everything.
i had Social diploma prep. courses until 9 so my brother picked me up from St.Joes and we stopped at a liquor store and picked up some rye and then we bought some diet coke and ice and then we went to Heather's condo.
there, my brother gave me my birthday present (which was probably more for him in the end haha). he got me an Oasis DVD which we watched while pre-drinking at the condo.
Sari, Sinan, Natalie and Teng then showed up and me and Daniel crammed in the car and we headed to Halo.
Halo is really really cool. my brother bought us all yagger bombs (sp?) which are shots of some kind of alcohol and red bull. they are really expensive but my brother said it's tradition and our parents gave us $165 to spend haha. anyways, so by this time i was pretty intoxicated and Andrea showed up which was cool.
i figured i'm a club person. i enjoy sitting around getting drunk but i really like dancing so me, Teng, Andrea and Natalie danced in a circle and the DJ was playing some pretty wicked songs which i enjoyed. after a little bit of that we crammed into the car (Natalie only had a beer so we weren't drinking and driving!) and headed to Empress on whyte ave. where my brother's friend Greg was having his birthday which i thought was pretty sweet.
so we get to this pub and i sit down and plop my elbow into a million puddles of beer, but by this time i was so fucked i didn't care. let me re-phrase that. i wasn't "so fucked", but i was the drunkest i've ever been in my life, which is a little more drunk than tipsy... enough so that my vision was bouncing off the walls.. i made it clear that i'm a weed kind of girl haha
anyways, so i meet Greg who i've actually met before at the art show but i actually talk to him thanks to social lubricators (alcohol) and he is a really cool guy. we were all talking about his trip to Europe with Teng and he's really funny.
and then i met this guy named Vittorio who actually went to Italian school with my brother like ages ago. we talked a lot. he's currently upgrading but he travelled a lot.. went to New Zealand and Australia, and my brother was saying that he lived in Australia for 6 months or something. this guy is so interesting and pretty cute as well. actually, i mentioned later (to my brother) that he kinda looks like Elijah Wood.
he even bought me a drink. and threw me a couple smiles here and there. he told me he really likes the movie Into The Wild and i mentioned my brother wanted to see that and then he had a brilliant idea that we all go see it! which would be pretty cool...
anyways, it was a little before 2 am when we left and got dropped off back at Heather's condo. me and my brother watched more of the Oasis DVD when i felt like total crap and walked calmly to the bathroom. my brother asking if i was feeling alright and i calmly responded with a no. i embraced the toilet and without much panic (which is totally unusual for me because i hate hate hate throwing up and i always start bawling haha... last time i threw up was 2 years ago in Italy due to severe exhaustion and jet lag) and i threw up. and it smelled like alcohol which made me want to throw up even more.
it was an awesome awesome awesome night.
but if i see or smell alcohol in this next week i will probably hurl. gross
Friday, January 25
the plan was to go to Black Dog with my brother and his friends. Black Dog is a cool bar which i 've been to before so it would've been sweet to celebrate my 18th there.
However, it burned down last night. which makes me laugh because instances such as this one tend to happen to me.
anyways, i'm taking it as a good thing because i'm going to Halo instead which should be even cooler than Black Dog.
i've seen pictures and it looks like clubs in The Hills. and my brother even knows the guy who designed it.
so i'm even more excited now.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am 18 today. i can call in to radio stations, win the lottery, buy tobacco, go to jail, vote, walk into bars, rent a car, reserve a hotel room, go to pubs and clubs, be on girls gone wild, buy porn, go to a strip club, get tattoos, be kicked out of my house legally, be called for jury service, change my name, open a cheque account/get a VISA card, enter a contract, rent a property in my name, bet on sports/races, get married, sign myself out of class, join the army, and i'm sure there are plenty of other things i can do.
oh, what a world of opportunities!
Wednesday, January 23
i was so wanting to write about events of these past days. now i'm too lazy and i've lost all motivation to write those events.
sub-consciously i know it's better to leave it unpublished because .. well because.
or maybe that's just the excuse i'm sticking to because there are a lot of parts i don't really remember.
me and Breanne and a ghost from my past (an attractive one at that) smoked up and there's always little comments that make you laugh and you file it away in the brain and never remember them after that moment.
i wish i could remember. i love things that make me laugh. somehow it's depressing to think that these hilarious comments during a nice blaze are lost in the twilight zone, never to be found again.
as for the ghost of my past. i did not forget that. it's weird. definitely weird.
this is the last position i ever thought i'd be in. it's like fucking with my brain or something. like i've been rewinded.
i don't want it to be like a year ago though. i mean, it's so done! i should be moving on.
i think i'm in though. i think? we haven't discussed it and in no way am i bringing it up. i brought it up the other night when we were texting. i hate talking about it. i force myself to hate it because when i think about it i tend to create a DISASTER.
nobody likes disaster's.
i don't think i'll even mention his name. but it does start with a J.
LOL
January 4, 2008
Amelie was my favorite movie. I jsut watched it while being fully awake and all in one sitting.
I dont know how else to put it, but i am Amelie. I feel as though I am completely connected to her situation.
The way she imagined his hand in the doorway, then to see it was only her cat.
I cried. For her. For me. For the fact that she got him in the end. Their closeness in the end.. i could feel it on my skin.
Although i told myself no resolutions, i feel like i am wasting this opportunity at a new start. it's a false security. new starts can happen at any time in your life. i do not need the digit to increase by one in the year i am presently in to decide what needs fixing in my life. Just to get that straight. Now i can safely make some sort of resolution.
There has to be some trick to making a resolution. Nothing superficial though, it has to be general.
For 2008, my resolution will be to come into my own.
I said general, but it came out rather vague. No one can really be sure of what it means, but that's what's positive about it.
I am certain about this: i am lovesick. it's like i am so obsessed with the idea of love, that i will avoid anything pertaining to it. what an awful realization! what a difficult, lonely life i'll have.
a fish out of water. i need to get back in.
January 9, 2008
stand in the dark and alone. now think of all your worst nightmares.
Wednesday, January 16
"I am saddened to say that it is true that many of today's youth do not make an effort to understand that Che was not just a cool picture on the t shirt now available at urban outfitters. But I do not think that anyone has any real reason to dismiss his efforts. I think that anyone who believes so strongly in what they are doing should not be dismissed as "mediocre". He was a great man, whose life was cut short by troops trained by the CIA. He was also a true believer that everyone deserved the best. One of his right hand men told of a time when Che and his troops were crossing the mountains in Argentina. they had some cans of condensed milk, and they were handing them out for dinner. After everyone had received their can, there was one remaining. Che's men offered to give Che the extra can, but he not only refused it, but demanded that it be shared with everyone. he then gave everyone an extra spoonfull of the milk. Though this sounds like a small act, it was typical of his refusal to be glorified. Che Guevara is one of my heros, and to insult him is to insult the belief in the decency of humanity"
"Che's death was announced by the CIA the day before he actually died. In addition his parents lied about his birthdate to hide the fact that he was born out of wedlock. Thus, besides being the most sexy revolutionary of the twentieth century, both his birthday and death day are controversial."
so uh
i was looking for disadvantages on dictatorships. i was looking into Cuba and when i found that Fidel Castro has done nothing but good things for his country, i was dumbfounded.
why is everyone hating on the guy??
i mean, Cuba is so much better off now than it was before Castro came into power. he's been there for 40 bloody years!!! if everyone hated him so much, don't you think he would've been caught and hung by now? like all the other corrupt dictators in human history??
i've also realized that i'm beginning to be interested in Cuban history. a couple years ago i discovered who Che Guevara was, and i immediately loved him, but now i'm learning more and more about Cuba and it's government and stuff, and i just love everything to do with it!
it's too bad i'm done Social for the rest of my life. but that's how it is, i become interested once it's of no use to me.
Tuesday, January 15
i wish i was a young adult during the late 60's, early 70's.
recently i was watching an infomercial for this CD collection called Flower Power, songs from the Love Generation. i downloaded about 60 songs from that infomercial and decided i want to be a hippie.
of course there are some things that conflict with this. i, for one, believe strongly that peace is unattainable as long as humans are living. the world cannot progress with conflict. if cave men hadn't challenged each other's beliefs and theories in the Stone Age, where would we be today?
if we didn't have anything to prepare for, how technologically advanced would we be today?
about a week ago, i was brain-drizzling for ideas for my Free Press Ad which will be a part of my portfolio. i was in my room, legs up on the bed, dim lighting, Bob Marley playing in the back, and a pot of tea beside me. i figured that that right there was my zen. i came up with the following idea:
there may be wars and conflicts in the world for as long as we live, but if we each had our cup of tea, there'd be some zen in the world.
just picture yourself here...
You're in the middle of Hiroshima after the atomic bomb, everything's gone and dead. you are the only one standing in the middle of this wasteland. you take a seat in the imaginary chair and prop your legs up on the imaginary table. you take a sip of your tea and you feel it warm your insides as your heart becomes this warm cup of tea.
you are now pleasantly smiling in the presence of a disaster.
so with that said, let's face the fact that world peace is something only the Utopian world holds, and let's figure out a way to put ourselves at peace.. instead of the whole world.
Saturday, January 12
I just watched Highway, starring Jared Leto, Jake Gyllenhal and Selma Blair. with some Jeremy Piven parts. my favorite character was Pilot, played by Jake. and it is now one of my favorite movies. FAVORITE MOVIE I'M TELLING YOU!
Pilot Kelson: Pop Quiz.
Jack Hayes: No.
Pilot Kelson: Come on. It's a quick one.
Jack Hayes: Go.
Pilot Kelson: What is 1,056 dicks?
Jack Hayes: A lot of dicks.
Pilot Kelson: Beep. Perfect Score. Gold star.
[as he has raw sex with Jilly Miranda]
Jack Hayes: Jack and Jilly went up the hilly to fetch a pale of water!
Johnny the Fox: A field... I need a field... A field in which to frolic!
Pilot Kelson: You are one daffy invididual!
Pilot Kelson: I like it... Hit the road, flee for your life, meet a doll who's got "once and a lifetime girl of my dreams and reason to believe" written all over her like so much graffiti. It could only happen to the god of fuck.
Pilot Kelson: [after the alligator boy screams] That be a cry laden with pain and sorrow
Pilot Kelson: Desmond the alligator boy is a major happener
Pilot Kelson: When you think about it, the world is divided into 2 groups... pandas and alligator boys
Jack Hayes: Pop quiz.
Pilot Kelson: Go.
Jack Hayes: How much I owe you for helping me out?
Pilot Kelson: A gazillion.
Jack Hayes: Who's the major old-school happener?
Pilot Kelson: Piiilot.
Jack Hayes: How much longer we a team?
Pilot Kelson: Forever.
Jack Hayes: Beep... perfect score, gold star.
Jack Hayes: You bang her yet man?
Pilot Kelson: Not even close... if "Bangher" was an island off the coast of the Carribean, me and Lucy are stuck in traffic in Jersey
Jack Hayes: Can we just have 15 minutes of fun in our fucking miserable lives?
Pilot Kelson: Famous last words...
Pilot Kelson: [telling Jack that the whore thought Pilot was sexually confused] Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you?
Pilot Kelson: So, it was cool, you know? I told her about my troubles and she was like, 'sexual confusion's a tricky thing'. Sexual confusion? I mean, easy on the sexual confusion tip, baby. You make me sound like a guy in a raincoat with a fistful of vaseline, you know?
[laughs]
Pilot Kelson: Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you...?
Shanks: [walks up to Pilot] You the boyfriend? You like alligator dick?
[touches Pilot's lips]
Shanks: Like to suck it?
Pilot Kelson: This is Jack Hayes, the God of Fuck!
Shanks: [turns to Jack] Is that what they call you? The God of Fuck? Tell me something... do you like to get fucked?
Cassie: That's pretty pathetic in my book.
Pilot Kelson: In your book? And what's the title of that book? Is it called 'Give Me A Hundred Bucks And I'll Suck Your Dick'? Cause I think I read that one, and it was... ooh... lurid.
Wednesday, January 9
Anarchism
I think young generations steer towards anarchy, because people come to an age where they want independence and more freedom. I think it's valid for people to feel this way but there would be absolute chaos without some sort of government or authority. It is human nature to want more than an individual already has, so this Utopian idea of anarchism is not possible. There needs to be some sort of authority in charge to keep things in order and safe. It's easy to want an anarchy because very rarely do we see genuine governments and leaders that have support from all the people. There is always a flaw in the current government s that people tend to focus on, leading them to be unhappy with any decision made by that government. This may cause them to believe that no government at all would make them happy. When in fact, no government would be worse than a leader who may abuse his power. Governments ensure safety and security of the people. Judicial systems are established, as well as police and hospitals.. basically everything needed to live.
I feel very strongly about the need for government. Anarchism could never work because humans aren't perfect.
Saturday, January 5
i've always liked Red Hot Chili Peppers
but ever since i read that book, i think i will love them for the rest of my life.
i love how fun and out of control they are. i watch some of their music videos and you can tell they don't take things seriously, they're just there for the fun. and i love that.
they all seem to have their quirks to add.
and i can't forget how attractive Anthony Kiedis is. i have to include Flea, Chad and John Frusciante too!
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