to me

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face Buries her soul in one embrace They're one and the same Just like water

On comes the panic light Holding on with fingers and feelings alike But the time has come To move along

Can you help me Can you let me go
And can you still love me When you can't see me anymore

And the fire fades away Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're on the other side of the world to me

last night had a dream 'bout...

i was with Alison, who i hung out with all the time in grade nine.
we were at school. it was lunch everyone was outside
and across the street by the elementary the members of Keane were there.
so i was like "i wanna run up to them. but thats gay cuz i dunno what to say i cant be all like OMG YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. cuz everyone says that". so i was shy and didn't go see them.
actually, no one was going to see them.

but then i was like.. aww fuck it, so we go see them
then all of a sudden they're not there
instead, theres this popular group at my school standing in their place
so im like ok, moving along
and the members of Keane are up ahead of me, walking beside the school across the street
and all of a sudden i can't get to them because all of a sudden people are just everywhere, when a second ago they couldnt care less
so we decide to go inside the school, and go outside from the doors they were leaning on, then we'd end up right next to them
so we carry out that plan
and then .. while we're in the school, we see a conference or something
with adults and people that i know from school
so i was like wtf why are you guys having a conference

i never said that, but thats what i thought

then, where the door to the outside was supposed to be, was a mall

inside the school
so we were looking at make up and stuff

and i picked up eyeliner and lipstick and eyeshadow..

stuff i usually never buy at drug stores

and i bought them in the color brown

which was weird too

i also remember there was something else we picked up,

i can't remember what but it was really important i think

so we walked out

the alarms beeped

and i joked around with the cop

and he let us go

and that's it. weird hey? and when i got to the mall part, i completely forgot about Keane and stuff..

fucking crazy i say

you wanna see

kay so a while ago i watched this movie called The Triplettes of Belleville. there's no dialogue, it was made in Canada, it's a french movie, and it's animated. but it's animation is done so well and it exaggerates features. if you wanna watch it, go to my YouTube account (link on right), and there's 8 parts to it. it's a really sweet movie. i totally recommend watching it

i wanna see

PERFUME http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU6YBJOC-P8 THE BLACK DAHLIA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwSTxB-JZlQ MATCHPOINT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaOHi6vHV5U

201

best show ever man. my favorite characters are Eric Murphy (played by Kevin Connolly) and Ari Gold (played by Jeremy Piven).

haha awesome show. you should check it out.

Entourage - left to right:
Kevin Dillon as Johnny "Drama" Chase, Jerry Ferrara as Turtle, Adrien Grenier as Vincent Chase, Kevin Connolly as Eric Murphy "E", and Jeremy Piven as Ari Gold.

january's to do list?

1. Make a resolution

2. Buy flannel sheets

3. Buy a new date book

4. Stock up on stationery

5. Start a nest egg (it means saving money)

6. Make homemade soup

7. Manage your mail

8. Cancel your gym membership (excuse me?!)

9. Get a massage

10. Read your favourite children's book


thanks msn.com, i will get right on that.

can't decide

i can't decide whether i feel like a fag
or a genius.

but my absense of a wisdom tooth is really killing me right about now.

there's only one thing i regret about last entry.
helping people can get you farther in life. but the majority of it lays on your own shoulders.
HA and i am kind of a believer in Karma lol

i'm feeling controversial

i would like to announce to the public, whether you agree or not, that i am brilliant. i honestly think i am brilliant. as a matter of fact, i know i'm brilliant.

for reasons i cannot include, i have included them in a previous unpublished post. so lucky for you, you will never know what just happened to me or what i wrote in a post you will never lay your eyes on. things happened. several things actually. for one, i got a slap in the face that didn't hurt one bit which was probably the best thing ever. for another, i found a purpose for the white string tied around my wrist. for a third, i had an epiphany, just like the many epiphanies i've had before. for a fourth, i'm quite confident in this epiphany.

hmm. i'm feeling quite smug right now i'm not gonna lie. and yes, i do feel quite arrogant and superficial and cocky and selfish. but here's the beauty of it all: i'm happy. sitting right here, right now, i've never been so sure of myself. and yes, i am admitting to my arrogance, my cockiness, whatever else you may call it. but it's awesome. people always try so hard to be selfless and to bend over backwards for everyone else. well what the fuck. who gives a fuck about everyone else sometimes. seriously. it's only you thats gonna take you into this life, not the people you help, unless you're a firm believer in karma and such things as that and also some sort of political leader. which i am not. i am merely a high school student who's an arrogant bitch. i also tend to kiss ass a lot as well.

and fuck am i ever on a roll. you don't even understand. i've never felt so liberated in my whole entire life. i mean, it sucks trying to be someone you're not. and i am just so proud of myself in the way i've been handling situations recently. yes i said it. i am proud of myself. fucking proud at that, too. and yes, that was an arrogant statement. and i realize that. it's about time everyone understood just how arrogant i can be.

and what the fuck, tomorrow morning i may regret this whole thing. tomorrow morning i may think every word i said here is bull shit. tomorrow morning i may laugh at myself or smack my head against the wall. but that's just part of who i am. i say shit one day, and go totally against it the other day. i am a hypocrite. and that's something else i'm not afraid to admit. and who said it was a bad thing?

i think everyone would just be so much better off actually admitting they're flaws. flaws aren't even bad. why has society turned self-righteousness into something so horrible? when did that ever start? the fact that it's so looked down upon makes people hide it. and hiding it just suckas major ass i'm not gonna lie. if it's part of who you are, why should you not admit to it. all i want to see is for one person to be angry at another and call them an arrogant bastard, and for that arrogant bastard to be like "yup". then what? trying to hide it just creates unnecessary baggage. admitting it and brushing it off your shoulder makes it so much easier to deal with.

it's just so liberating. *sigh* you may think i'm going nuts. blame me. i got my wisdom tooth pulled this morning.
i lost some wisdom possibly. i beg to differ however, because i feel wiser than ever. i feel smarter than ever. i feel more brilliant than ever.

and yes, that was three arrogant statements in a row =)

i am also really sorry for the eff-words included. i feel like a major loser for that. but i gotta run free sometimes right?

i only remember these

90's babyy

You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain , and Two Stupid Dogs.

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!

You remember TGIF on ABC. Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You remember the craze, then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record "Your FAVORITE song of ALL time"

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.

You remember when super nintendo's and Sega Genisis became popular.

You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember those Where's Waldo books..

You remember when Mortal Kombat wuz tha shit! (still is)

You wore tight stretchy flourescent pants to school, with side ponytails.

You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.

You remember Ring Pops.

You remember drinkin' Fruitopia and Surge.

if you memeber when every thing was "da BOMB"

when they made the new lunchables so that you could make tacos and pizza!!

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

Writing M.A.S.H. notes. (and the twenty different versions of that)

Making those little paper fortune folding things.. and then predicting your life with them by what you wrote inside.

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

You played and/or collected "Pogs" (still do)

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers,and Ninja Turtles.

You remember when the new Beanie Babies, Furbys and talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

You remember a time before the WB.

You owned a portable tape player. (oh man i begged my mom for one in grade 1)

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" ... enough said.

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You went to McD's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds...at the play ground.

When we were younger:
Before the MySpace frenzy...
Before the Internet & text messaging...
Before Sidekicks & iPods...
Before MIKE JONES...
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX...
Before Sponge Bob
...Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs .
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.
When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.
Way back.
when it was all about N64. (STILL IS!!!!)
when girl power was around, and you had a favourite spice.
when making out was having sex
when you traded Pokemon cards for a living
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear
Who woulda thought we'd miss it so much?

eff that. i've been missing it since 2000.

jaguar paw

ohmygod. so The OC's last episode is airing on February 2nd. ITS BEING CANCELLED. can you believe that?
i might as well shoot myself in the head now.
oh my god. ooooh my god. i need to focus on positive things..

so i just got back from Apocalypto with my brother, his australian friend Alex, and his Jordinian friend Sinan. very awesome movie. forreal. kay, there's this actor in it.. Rudy Youngblood. he's really sexy in this movie i'm not even kidding. wow it was just such a good movie. you gotta check it out. very well done, has subtitles but was still amazing. it's all about the Mayans and stuff. it's really good and wicked and sweet and awesome and cool and just. wowey.

had home-made pizza today at my aunt's place.

watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre at my aunt's. sucky movie with bad acting. pretty much a typical horror movie.

tomorrow morning getting my wisdom tooth pulled. i'm pretty excited because well, it's the only painful thing i actually like.. so far anyways.

if my tooth isn't bothering me too much i'm gonna go snowboarding with my b-ro. should be cool.

TMNT is coming out soooooon OMG teenage mutant ninja turtles man. coming out. IN THEATRES. should be awesome. awwwesome.

and i guess i got into Entourage just at the right time, since The OC is being cancelled. i'll have my new favorite show to look forward to. you guys should check it out. Entourage... it's about an actor and shit. funny and good as hell.

forreal.

give me a gun

she fuckin chewed through my Skull Candy earphones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i'm broke enough as it fuckin is!!!!!!!!!!! omg im gonnna fuckin cry!!!!!!!!!!!!

american history x

"has anything you've done made your life better?"

i am in love with him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0nRpFI4hvc

try again

What would you do? To get to me
What would you say? To have your way
Would you give up? Or try again
If I hesitate To let you in Now would you be yourself
Or play your role Tell all the boys Or keep it low
If I say no Would you turn away?
Or play me off Or would you stay

And if at first you don’t succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again

I’m in to you You into me
But I can’t let it go So easily
Not till I see Whether this could be eternity
Or just a week You know our chemistry Is off the chain
It’s perfect now
But will it change? This ain’t a yes This ain’t a no
Just do your thing We’ll see how it goes

Cause if at first you don’t succeed You can dust it off and try again

my autobiography

Part 1: How I Came To Be
Were you a planned baby?: yeah definitely
Were you the first?: nope second and last
Were your parents married when you were born?: fo sho
Whens your birthday?: January 25, 1990

Part 2: My Family
How would you describe your family?: Dysfunctional haha. in a totally good way
Are your parents married, divorced or separated?: married for 25 years
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?: youngest
Did you wish you had any other siblings?: nope. my brother is everything i need. literally
Which parent do you get along with best?: haha definitely my dad. but i need my mom more.
Do you have step parents?: nope

Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?: fo sho
Who is your best friend?: umm i have some in Beverly.. some from dance
Do you share the same interests?: not exactly
Which friend can you tell anything to?: Breanna, although i don't see her much
Whos the shyest friend you have?: ummm.. probably Julie
Whos the funniest friend you have?: probably Lauren or Breanna haha
Who can always make you laugh?: all of them. but Lauren stands out for this particular question

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?: depends, but in general, it's high
Do you get depressed about things easily?: not as much as i used to
Are you happy?: i'd like to think so
Do you live life to the fullest?: no. my mother prevents that from happening haha
Do you regret anything?: little things, yes
Are you funny?: in a dumb silly way i suppose
Are you shy?: not as much as i used to be
Are you loud? when am i not loud?

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look?: most of the time yeah
Do you have any piercings besides your ears?: nope
How do you dress?: i wear clothes. and i love sleeveless hoodies =)
Are you tall or short?: tall
What colour is your hair? naturally dirty blonde
What colour are your eyes?: hazel
Do you wear makeup?: yes...not whole lot though

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?: yes, actually i really was. a trouble maker too
Do you have the same friends?: yeah pretty much, except new friends have been added
Was there anything in your past that changed you from then to now?: umm.. probably travelling. it gave me bigger and better perspective on things.. and also meeting the people of that culture changed me a lot.

Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?: to be some sort of designer.. and just be be able to find happiness with whatever i'm doing
Do you want to get married?: depends. sometimes yes, sometimes no
Do you want to have kids?: no. they're a pain the ass. but that may change as i grow older lol
How many?: well if i have one, i definitely wanna have a companion for that kid, so two at the most. preferably an older boy and younger girl.
What would you like to name them?: well for a boy i love the name Beniamino (Benjamin in Italian), and for a girl i love the names Penelope and Finley

Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: both
What is your favorite season: i love all of them
Favorite weather?: really sunny. or sun showers
Do you like walking in the rain?: definitely

Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?: impossible
What is your favorite food?: pizza and ice cream. chinese food.. italian food. haha lots
What food makes you want to gag?: i haven't come across any so far
What is your favorite dessert?: creme brulee and Tiramisu
What is your favorite restaurant?: i don't eat out enough to have a favourite. but i really like Quizno's
Are you a fussy eater: yeah i think so

Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?: i am taken
If taken who is the lucky boy/girl?: myself =)
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: no
Do you believe in love at first sight?: not at all.

can you pay my automo'bills

good for nothing type of brother Silly me, why haven't I found another A baller, when times get hard he's the one to help me out instead of, a scrub like you who don't know what a man's about

lethal injection

i just watched the hanging of Saddam Hussein on you tube. all i have to say is that i don't think anyone should get hanged no matter what they did. i mean, i thought hanging was something that happened only a long time ago, i thought they didn't do that kind of thing nowadays. it made me sad to watch him standing there as they talked to him and as they covered his neck with the black cloth, and when they put the rope around his neck. i mean, what could possibly be going through your mind at that point in time? walking up to the rope and seeing it go around your head. up to the point where you know in about seconds the floor below you is going to open up and you only have air underneath you and arope holding you up. what could possibly be going through your head at that point? i can't even wrap my mind around that concept. i know i probably wouldn't be thinking of God, or my family. i can't think whether i'd be crying my eyes out or so shocked i wouldn't be feeling any sort of emotion whatsoever. knowing me, i'd probably think of all the bad things in life and have the mind-set that it's really better to die than to live in this world along with all the bad things that i would think up. i know it's a bad way to think, but i'm just saying exactly what i would probably do under those kind of circumstances. i wouldn't be able to think positively. how could you ever think of something positive? you're about to die for fuck sakes. if you think positive, you'll just become even more saddened by the fact that life really is so good and that it would be the worst most awful thing to die then.. especially that way. i don't think he should've been hanged. lethal injection would have been the way to go...

feels like a midget is hanging from my necklace

so it's january 1st hey. and considering i can say that the first five hours of 2007, i was talking to Jordan on MSN, it should be a rather good year. also, the fact that i did have a spoonful of lentils last night is a very positive thing.it's kind of a tradition for my whole family on New Years. after midnight rolls around, my aunt brings down the lentils, and we all have some for good luck and money in the new year. i never had any last year 'cause it looked nasty, but i had some this year. i mean, the way things are going, this year might've been one of the worst definitely. between horrible school marks, getting dumped by one of the coolest guys i've ever met, going through hell trying to get over one of the coolest guys i've ever met, Smokey dying, that April incident, getting caught up in a huge mess for four months with someone who obviously doesn't have the same feelings, realizing that i should leave that mess of four months behind in 2006 and start new for this year, and i guess Italy was good but since i'm trying desperately to be negative here to earn some of your sympathy and prove that this year was in fact awful in more ways than just a few, it would have been better if my brother came along and i didn't have to go just with my mother.
i guess the fact that i am still living and breathing and experiencing no pain neither emotional or physical, i can say that this year just might go fairly well.

but beginnings are a bitch in the way that they always seem to be peachy....

fetal position

Leigha is over and we watched Garedn State and then Requiem For A Dream.

i sat there watching it. and there's this one point where there's these two guys hospitalizing the old lady who's so fucked up on some form on drugs that she took for dieting, and here she is, with this life story about her husband dying and her son who's into drugs and this whole fixation on television, and losing weight to fit in her red dress. she's a fuckin mess, and these guys are hospitalizing her talking about their weekends and stuff. and it's so weird, how three different lives can be in the same room. like, i imagine each person as if they're a huge piece of paper with everything written on them about every single detail about their life. and how they can just be in the same room together, discussing their weekend while this lady's been living this huge ordeal.. it's just.. weird to think about. i dunno..

and then at the end they show all four characters in these awful situations.. Harry in the hospital bed with an amputated arm from shooting infections, Sarah in the hospital after losing her mind over diet pills, Marion on the couch after a nice orgy that left a nice wad of cash in her hands, and Tyrone on a jail bed missing his mother..

and all they seem to find is the little comfort in the fetal position.
isn't that what people do when they're scared?? go in the fetal position?
when your in a mother's womb, you're in the fetal position.. maybe it's comforting in that way.

it's cool to think about..

my declaration

i have just treated myself to a viewing of Bridget Jones' Diary. i would like to conclude, that even though i have seen this movie many times before, this is the first time i have felt it was worth a little chat about in my blog. it's one of those movies you watch 'cause you can't think of anything to watch, and after about the 50th time you've watched it, you realize just how good it makes you feel, and then you realize how stupid you are for not considering it one of your favorites.

so i would now like to take this time to declare my love for this particular movie and the way it makes me feel, and the way it seems to clear up any dark clouds that may be hanging over my head, and i would also like to declare that i have not seen The Edge of Reason, although i now have this longing to.

so i will leave you with that. simply because i want to go search for The Edge of Reason on Google...