i'm listening to Boston by Augustana

it makes me cringe with disgust 

and my gut cringes too

makes me think of Morpheus and all the songs i downloaded from it

grade ten, basically. music makes me feel so weird sometimes

the high piano notes at the beginning really annoy me. it makes my right ear thump.

high pitched noises make my right ear thump. like peeing in the morning

and the phone ringing

and the fucking piano notes of this gross song

the summer before grade ten when i wore white capri pants and pink shirts and straightened my long hair

is what comes to mind when i listen to A Perfect Circle or Deftones. it was a Tyler influence. we were "dating" and he was sweet. i thought he was so cool, i remember. is a drummer with his nipple pierced

hahahahhaha

we still talk sometimes. he has lots of tattoo's now. 

Guano Apes and lame techno reminds me of Joe. i'm not sure what reminds me of Stephane.

Bob Dylan maybe. he would put it on his iPod with my speakers while we kissed 

i did not know who Bob Dylan was then

i didn't know much then, as a matter of fact. 

i am very sure in a few years i'll look at these entries as i write my new ones

and talk about how that song by Ill Scarlet.. that remake of Umbrella reminds me of his car

and all the pop punk with voices that are still going through puberty. and i will want to 

bang my head against the wall repeatedly.

i will

at least i have the opportunity to see what a loser i was 

over and over again haha

if i didn't

i would think i was this cool all along

i love Michael Cera especially when he sings These Eyes to cocaine addicts

i love his voice 

i got an email about that job i wanted months ago. i think i'll take it. i can handle 8 hours a week, two days a week

at 11 dollars an hour

it's possible that i might have to re-take art history 101. this makes me anxious and upset

but i say, it might be what i gotta do and that's all. i will look back and laugh that i had to re-do it and waste money

things happen, there might be a reason for it

in my drawing class, there's 4 additional students in our class. 2 are asian and the other 2 seem pretty cool. one is a 3rd year design student named Chris and the other is from who knows where but his name is Michael and he has cool pants and shoes

if i get the whole 4 months to myself

i am stopping in Montreal,

then Holland and once there i will go to Italy for family reasons

and a maybe is Madrid because my brothers friends are going to school there

and they said i'm welcome to stay there whenever i want.

how unbelievable.  Dawn, i hope you find it in your heart to let my C- go

i would think i was this cool all along