i've been feeling like these events were completely unnecessary. where a graduation was never the thing i looked forward to for 13 years. where a graduation is not needed for me to feel accomplished, or completed, or older. is it weird that all it was to me was a physical reassurement of something i was already reassured of? it's like people need an extravagant event to know that they've made it. high school was nothing special for me simply because i made a lot of aquaintances and not enough lifelong friends. and i didn't try, either, knowing lifelong friends are people you stumble upon when you aren't even trying.

this series of events were far from the best time of my life. the best times of my life were when i found out my portfolio was good enough to go to post-secondary with, when i wrote journal entries that were true to my feelings, when i finished reading an awesome book, when i watched awesome movies, when i realized my morals, when i talked to God, when i traveled to places i couldn't share with anyone else, when i drew in ink, when i walked with my cats, when i danced in my room or danced in a crowd, when i captured things on camera or when my brother made me laugh.

to be honest, i felt unnatural in a fancy dress, like i was an imposter or trying to be someone else. i thought a true celebration of something would require no dress code or no set schedule. i went along with it. people couldn't believe i was in a dress and heels.

and tonight, i'd rather sit in and watch an awesome movie.