nostalgia

kay guys, i have to honestly admit that i am going nuts here.
i really want to go to Italy. i wanna go back so bad. it's just crazy. i miss it. the atmosphere, the mountains, the heat, the people, the music. everytime i start listening to my italian music, it just makes me go even crazier. and i just feel so confined to this one place and i don't like feeling confined to places, i just wanna

i'm pretty sure i think about Italy at least once everyday. i miss all them. i miss the easy access to bars and alcohol and the discoteca. the friends, the good times, the

last summer was so good. Italy winning the cup just made it so much better. i wanna drive on those windy roads, i wanna climb those four flights of stairs, i wanna see Roberta.. and Veronica. and Paola.
and i wanna see how much hotter Ivan got. i would kill to see them everyday. i wanna see if Manuel got any funnier, or if he finally gained some weight haha. i wanna shop in Cles, i wanna

get car sick, i wanna go on road trips, i wanna see what people only see on television and books. i wanna feel the humidity, i wanna walk all the Cinque Terre. haha i remember that time we took a tram there. we walked down the Lovers Walk. all the graffiti everywhere of all the lovers that walked down there. i wanna walk down there with a lover. and then look down and see the bluest of blue water. i wanna feel my nerves heighten when going to visit family. i wanna feel nervous when i stumble over words. i wanna know i can sleep in, but have a reason to wake up early. i wanna have a cigarette out the window.

i remember a few summers ago, i was there with my cousins from Calgary, and we sat on the balcony at night and listened to our music and we just sang really loud probably awakening the whole town, and i remember we were listening to My Band by Eminem, and there was this one part that Kevin imitated so good and i just couldn't stop laughing. and then when we all went to Gardaland (amusement park), and we went on all the rides and i went on my first roller coaster ride. i held Kevin's hand so tight i almost crushed it. i went on two times in a row, second time Kevin made sure i didn't close my eyes and he kept laughing and when he laughs i just laugh harder. i remember we woke up early to make it there on time, and we were all alert and we were caught in traffic and we laughed at how many birds there were outside. and i remember the water ride, i got major butterflies it was crazy. so much fun. there was this fake volcano there, and i blurted out "is that real?!" and they still make fun of me to this day lol. and i remember we went to Venice, a few days after i even made it to Italy (they were there for a while before i came), and i ate my first Margherita pizza in a long time and mmm.. i remember we were sitting behind this big pillar in a church in Venice, and Kevin took his shoes off and within seconds we could smell his feet and we just laughed. and outside their churches and buildings they have these stick things that keep pigeons from sitting on them, and there were feathers from dead pigeons up there and we had a laugh at that as well. and then we saw this one pigeon with a tumour. i wouldnt have found it funny if Kevin and Anthony didn't start laughing.. and then my deeply religious aunt told us to stop because it was a creature of God. which made us laugh even more. and then we saw the pigeon man. he was covered in pigeons. funniest thing ever. aw i miss it =(

i miss how my mom is a totally different person there. i miss how she didn't smoke as often, she got more sleep, she yelled less, she laughed more, she hugged me more. i miss seeing her cry when we had to leave. to see that she loves that place as much as i do, but even more. i can't imagine how odd that must be for her. we went for a walk together at night once, and she told me that as she gets older, she misses the place she was born more and more.

i miss getting my hair done by Marta, and i miss walking to my aunt's apartment. and buzzing her three times in a row to hear her say "pronto?" and then i'd answer "sono Christine", and she'd knit while i did some Italian homework, and then she'd give me cookies and freak out when i leaned out the window too far. i'd draw her pictures to tape to her cupboards.
and once a week she would walk over and put my grandma's hair in rollers, and they'd fight over dumb things.
it's so sweet.. i mean, they're three sisters.. Antonia, Rita and Caterina, and they drink coffee and eat cookies and knit together everyday, they walk everywhere, they go to church every week.. it's just a sweet sweet life to live.
i miss Zia's french toast that she made for me at 8 o'clock at night for supper.

*huge ass sigh*