thanks Zacharie

The last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the Sun shining in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm Going deaf from the sound of the freeway
The Last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear you with your voice ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night
I couldn't feel you, your always too far away
The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ


I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while

tears of joy

wow Home Alone is my favorite Christmas movie. my mom says it's dumb, but it's the only one i actually enjoy watching. and i can't help but feel those tears of joy wash over me sometimes :P

uptown girls

so my weekend's consist of me watching movies in this comfy chair wrapped in a blanket. at first, i'm excited to watch a movie because i love them so much, there's a side to that .. that wishes i wasn't by myself.. that wishes my weekends consisted of more than that.. that wishes i being a home-body wasn't part of who i am. and after i'm done watching the movie, i always have this overwhelmind feeling because movies get to me in that way, and then i sit there in this big comfy chair wishing someone was there with me and knowing that things would be that much better if i wasn't all alone.

and then i tell myself to suck it up because you only really have one person in this world and that's yourself. you can't count on anyone but yourself to make you feel happy when you don't feel happy. so you're forced to sit there, enjoy your own company, feel that longing within yourself for that one person who you had a fight with and that person who left without saying goodbye. you know it's not done. you always have fights, but nothing's ever really done.

but i can't help but feel lonely and by myself a lot of the time. i've come to love my two kitties so much because they're the only things that seem like they really need you. to have them follow you around the house, purr in your ear, cuddle with.. they're always there no matter what. i can't help but feel grateful towards them. Smokey never was a cuddly cat, he stood his own ground, didn't seem to really need me in anyway, and that's how come i loved him. but he's gone, and i can't help but feel pure bliss when i think of Baby and Boots. and sometimes you don't understand how comforting it is to have a pet.

i don't know where i'm going with this, but i never know where i'm going with this. with anything. i plan to stay up late tonight because my mom's not taking me to Italian School tomorrow morning. i really want to go to dance though. we might be doing a relaxation class or watch a ballet movie. and i want to see my friends too. then we're going to church. for advent. i don't really mind church anymore. it's a time to think. i don't really pay attention to what's going on, if there's anything i'm really looking at, it's the various unique characteristics of other people.

you-nique. i saw that somewhere once and it made me smile.

..i'm thinkin' i'm gonna be a computer nerd and since i have the opportunity to use my brother's fast laptop, i might put that computer nerdiness to good use.

they got me all wrong

pretty ok

that's what i am. pretty ok. isn't that a good feeling? to know someone's there. to find someone who gives you butterflies again.
maybe i should stop talking. because it's been three months and the butterflies haven't left me yet. sometimes they get droopy.

but it's good to know i won't ever let them get too droopy. it's good to know i have myself above anyone else.


i've changed a lot, i think. i said that least year too, but it's only 'cause it's true

imu

i always wanted to post this in here, and it just happens to be perfect timing..

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care and
I miss you.

strike a pose

this weekend i want to go shopping. i want to buy a nice sweater and some nice pants. don't you love that feeling when you buy something that looks so good and so nice on you? you feel like you can conquer the world. i want to go on a trip. i can't wait to leave this summer. packing my suitcases, laying out my clothes for the airplane. buying new clothes, new shoes, new magazines. there's something about airports that get me excited. i love the atmosphere. i love the crowds surrounding the luggage carrier device. waiting impatiently for their luggage to make it's way to them. i love waiting for your flight to arrive, looking out the huge windows at the airplanes. i love take off and how i always burst with laughter and giggly-ness and then i look at my mom so she can laugh with me, and she's there with her eyes closed. she hates flying. well, i don't know if she really minds it or not, i just assume because she hasn't said otherwise. maybe i anticipate airplanes so much because they're always leading you to some kind of new adventure. you're either leaving home, with people awaiting your arrival in a distant location, and they have a prepared plan for your vacation, or you could be returning home, thoughts about how inviting your bed is, with your pillows filled with the scent of laundry because you always clean everything before you leave for long periods of time. remembering how it felt to slide your feet along your own hard-wood floor. to sit in your computer chair that has memorized the curves of your cute bum. to lay in bed, knowing you have nothing planned for the next day, that you don't have a new adventure to embark on, which can also be quite assuring, especially after all you've been doing is seeing new and exciting things for a month. it's also nice to go on adventures. it's a reason to charge your iPod, a reason to think of what band is worthy of accompanying you on that certain adventure. it's always hard leaving family behind though. and sometimes i make fun to cover up my tears. me and my mom left them, she hugged her brother and they both teared up. i laughed at his tears. and he just pinched my cheek and kissed my forehead. i still remember seeing him standing there. tall and skinny guy. his navy blue pants, with his thin white button down slightly unbuttoned at the top just like italian men wear it. had his tobacco pouch in his pocket. his camera around his shoulder. he took pictures of everything. and my self-consciousness kicked in whenever it was pointed towards me. i made awkward poses, because sometimes i feel i don't deserve to be photographed. but then i regret it because i look silly. why didn;t i just strike a pose, make him happy, do something completely and utterly outgoing.. i would have liked the outcome so much better. the result never was satisfying when i gave a meek smile or hid some part of my face with my hands. i miss waking up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to find my grandpa fallen asleep on the dirty, smelly, disorderly couch. his feet propped up on the chair, the italian news still playing, his glasses on and the newspaper in his lap. my brother wants to go to Greece too. he said he wants to stay in hostels. i cannot possibly wait a whole semester for this vacation.
who am i kidding, i send him an email stating how nice it would be if he tried to give me a call. i know he won't. it seems i expect the worst, and the worst always happens. exept it's not the worst anymore. it's just how it is. it's not good or bad, i just have found this new found capability to predict his doings and his not-doings.. and they no longer have a status of either good or bad. is there a problem with that? i mean, people tell me otherwise. but when it comes down to it, i'm the one in the situation. it's my opinion that matters above all, and i don't have a problem with how it is now, but then i think maybe i should start having a problem with it? i did, and then it happened so often it just stopped even phasing me. i'll see what happens. maybe i should strike a pose.. see what the outcome is


song/artist - Romulus/Sufjan Stevens [<3]

check it

ooh. i re-did my MySpace layout. it's rather swell. check it

JACT = just a couple things

so today i had trouble with some words. do armageddon, revelation and apocalypse all mean the same thing? i know apocalypse and revelation do, but isn't armageddon the end of all things too?
because i wanted to say that i believe there isn armageddon/apocalypse/revelation.. i just think that maybe they happen at different times for all of us, like, when we die. maybe after we die, we see armageddon/apocalypse/revelation. i don't know, it was just a thought. and another thought would be that writing these three words, armageddon/apocalypse/revelation, is really quite frustrating. thank god for copy and paste!
i also realized that there is a great big difference between
a) i hate people who...
b) i hate it when people...

whenever i say one of those two phrases, i always end up thinking twice, because i rarely hate people, i just hate the things people do sometimes lol. hate should never be used. i don't use it towards people very often.. i prefer dislike. but life's too short and too good to dislike anyone. i just have fun with everyone. it's fun.. try it :P

today Amanda reminded me that it is in fact, the last episode of Laguna Beach Season 3. i'm prepared for tears, because the prom episodes always make me CRY! it's horrible. the memories, the tears, the music, the preparation.. it's all just the climb to the top of the mountain of tears and reminiscing.


*sigh*

have i mentioned LG (life's good)? me Jeff and Will.i.am went to get donairs at lunch today. and mine cooperated. no spills or nothing. it was funny though, 'cause me and Will.i.am were standing in line, and there was some Club scene taken place in China or something. and it was pretty comical.

=)

HLLC = hair looks like crap

hey lauren
my hair looks like crap today.

a prime example

i just noticed a swear down there my friends. that's a prime example of my frequent hipocracy.

not like i didn't tell you so....

gave a holla to my b-ro

so i couldn't find the song. i even hollered at my b-ro :P hahaha. and i asked him if he remembered that God song. and he asked me how it went. he repeated it and i heard Jon (his friend) in the background singing some song about God making music and the people danced and he saw that it was good. it was rather comical. i even googled it. and I COULDNT FIND IT. and it makes me angry because i remember liking that song. and the lyrics were pretty sweet too. so i settled for downloading a bunch of random shit and some Lisa Lashes.

so my eyes started burning out of their sockets so i jumped on my bed and laid there for a few minutes and then i had some thoughts. and here's the thought process i had.

--i hate when he sends me those texts that just say "k", because i always get that nervous feeling inside-- i just hate it when people give me one answer replies --but then again, sometimes those one word answers can make you feel so good-- they make you feel even better when their short instead of a long paragraph-- hmm when its long you forget the top half by the time your done the bottom half -- plus, guys usually are people of less words, so it all kinda works out -- hmm i think i can make a generalization for this..

and here's what i came up with:

the words that heal most, hurt most and mean most, are put together in a sentence that is half of this or less.

i know hey. i made that myself. i was quite proud too

notes between notes

it's good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its gooooood when those benny benassi songs have that bass that blocks your eardrum from everything but that bass its good its good its good its good its good its good its good i didn't know he did that Hit My Heart song. i love that song, i've listened to it for ages and i had no clue he did that. he live sin Milan. i wanna go there. i wanna go back. its good its good its good its good tis good its good. haha try doing that real fast to music. it's pretty cool. its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its its good its good its good its good its good its good its good its haha so cool. i drank a total of 4 bottles of water. its good its good its good i had lasagna when i got home it was real good its good its good its good its good it sgood life's goooooood. swearing in writing is gay. i did it lots and then i read it and was like wow thats so not cool. swearing in real life actually makes sense 'cause you're angry at something, and swearing just helps it out. writing a swear doesn't do anything for you. so i don't know why i did it. i'm sorry. it was very gay of me. i've decided i'm done with it. it's an it, an object. not a person. it's good its good its good. it sucks when i wake up in the morning and my left teeth hurt and are sore from who knows what. but it hurts. but then it goes away and its good its good its good its good its good. i wanna get that techno song i heard in Beverly. about how God made music. and he saw that it was good. it was good it was good it was good. its good its good its good its good. fuck i am bored. i'm thinking you're thinking this is a really weird entry. but its good no matter what you do no matter what you do no matter what you do. some guy just signed into MSN his name is 240. isn't it 420? dummmie. no matter what you do no matter what you do no matter what you do no matter what you do. i don't get why i hafta know how to type with 8 fingers when i do perfectly fine with 6. thumb index middle thumb index middle. on both hands. i really wanna find that one song. its gonna bug me forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. its good its good its good everythings good. i'm gonna find that song now.

but you're so damn hot

You don't love me at all, but don't think that it bothers me at all.
You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll, but you're...
You're so damn hot.
So who's this other guy you've got?
Which other rubes are riding hot-shot, sugar?
I could have swore you said before, "No more, for sure."
What'd I believe you for?
You don't love me at all, but don't think that it bothers me at all.
You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll, but you're...
You're so damn hot.

and i don't even have balls

so today i realized just how much of a high school my high school really is.
i was walking around with Jeff, in circles as usual, trying to find something to do.
we pass by the elevator, and there's a group of black people playing their music real loud and dancing and stuff and me and Jeff just looked at each other and felt a feeling of awkwardness and hilariosity. then when lunch was done, i walked up the stairs to go to my locker and there was this group of three people playing cards. not like with a deck of cards, but with some kind of Pokemon cards or something, they had them on this mat too. and they were all holding books with instructions or something that had to do with the game. my eyes widened and i just walked away. plus, there's always over weight people sitting in random staircases too. not making fun or anything, it just reminded me of those movies where they make stereotypes of high school, and mine just happens to prove them right. haha

anyways, i'm working on Circle Geometry right now in math. and i must say, i've never been so excited about math before. it's SO FUN. it's like solving puzzles or something. it's awesome. we were in this big group of 7 in math, we were all sitting together, and me and Madison were going insane discussing how to figure out these things, and it was so funny 'cause Alex and Breanne were just sitting there staring at us becoming so involved in this stuff, and Brenden Megan and Anna just copied some other guys sheet. i was pretty determined to do it myself lol.

yeah, it's only Tuesday, but it's been a pretty good week haha. it's only been two days though. there were a few people today that made me laugh uncontrollably... Will.i.am, Lauren, Amanda (she's going to China tonight!!!!), and Melissa. haha. i saw her in the "alley" across the street at lunch where it's legal to smoke haha.

me and Jeff shared a cinnamon one, and the tube smelled like Christmas. I CAN'T WAIT.

oh yeah haha, another thing that made me laugh is today in Bio Amanda turned to me and started talking about this video of this guy chopping his penis off that Steph sent her yesterday, and it was funny 'cause he sent me the exact same thing yesterday too. i admit, i can be morbid, but even this made me cringe... and i don't even have balls.

i clearly did not read the memos

i wore my really awesome really cool button bracelets today. me and my little cousin Nicla made them when i was in Italy this summer. have i mentioned i wanna go back ?

so yeah i forgot to tell you, Sunday morning i was watching TV, when all of a sudden
DEXTER'S LABORATORY came on and i almost quite literally peed myself.
it's one of those cartoons i whole-heartedly loved. i never got sick of it, i never got annoyed with it, i just loved it to DEATH I TELL YOU. so i watch that. and i'm going to make it a point to watch it every week 'til i die. or it dies. one of the two. one thing that i noticed though was Dexter's accent. when i was a kid, it didn't really phase me that Dexter has a foreign accent. it's actually really funny. but when i watched it yesterday, i was like WHOA Dexter's an immigrant!! well, no, but he has the accent. it's so cool. but weird how i just realized this now..

i also had a discussion with Stephane about Pogs. probably the greatest joy of life. (P.O.G. = probably of greatest hahaha) anyways, yes. last year i slipped five really sweet pogs into his wallet when he left it at my house, and we started talking about them. i played Pogs all the time in Beverly when i was a youngin. they were THE coolest, actually that was my BigFoot Slammer. wow. amazing. never let me down that thing. one side was haulographic and the other side was this rubber stuff that smelled so good like bubblegum. i still have it. i still have all of them actually, even the ones me and my brother HOME MADE. yeah that's right.

i have also come to realize that grade eleven is probably the biggest slap in the face ever. i mean, grade ten's easy, 'cause you just got out of junior high blah blah, but grade eleven is when you realize a) you really are as dumb as you always thought you were, b) you really aren't as smart as you thought you were, c) you can't bullshit you're way out of anything anymore, d) you graduate next year, meaning everything you do now affects everything you do next year affects your whole
entire
life.

i clearly did not read the memos. you know, the really big bright ones that everyone's been flashing towards me since i was in, like elementary.

bitter people

jesusidislikebp

LMAO = laugh my ass off

Ooh..
I just died in your arms
tonight,
It must have been something you said,
I just
died in your arms tonight
Ooh..I just died in your
arms tonight,
It must have been some kind of kiss
I should have walked away,
I should have walked away
Is there any just coarse for felling like this ?

pearl jam

jesusilovepj

MMD = made my day

so i got an e-mail from Manuela. my cousin in Italy, today. i met her for the first time this summer. her e-mail made my day. it's cool, because our e-mails are english/italian. it was cute, she's 14 and her e-mail said: " HI CHRI! how are U? ". and it literally made my day. i want to go back so bad. i sent her one back .. half english half italian. i told her how me and my brother are going there this summer and we should do something. i asked if she was ready for Christmas and how i am not :P, and then i asked how school was going and then i told her to say hi to Roberta and everyone and also her family. and i wished her a Merry Christmas.

i love it. anyways
another thing that made my day and ever day of pretty much my entire life is Lauren Sbitney's daily stupidity. i swear, if there's one person in this whole world that makes me laugh til i pee, it's her. i mean, just sitting here with this mental image of her doing Nacho Libre's butt clench makes me laugh out loud. she's such a fagturf. i love people like her, that are just so awkward and random and hysterical, that you're always laughing when you're around them even if you're having one of the shittiest days in the history of mankind. but she's also cool in the way that you can have serious talks with her too. she's not always about fun and games, you can actually talk to her about stuff knowing she won't slip in a random butt clenche half way through a speech :P

i love it. anyways
i shall be going now. i had like 4 water bottles of water today and my bladder is about to explode.