uptown girls

so my weekend's consist of me watching movies in this comfy chair wrapped in a blanket. at first, i'm excited to watch a movie because i love them so much, there's a side to that .. that wishes i wasn't by myself.. that wishes my weekends consisted of more than that.. that wishes i being a home-body wasn't part of who i am. and after i'm done watching the movie, i always have this overwhelmind feeling because movies get to me in that way, and then i sit there in this big comfy chair wishing someone was there with me and knowing that things would be that much better if i wasn't all alone.

and then i tell myself to suck it up because you only really have one person in this world and that's yourself. you can't count on anyone but yourself to make you feel happy when you don't feel happy. so you're forced to sit there, enjoy your own company, feel that longing within yourself for that one person who you had a fight with and that person who left without saying goodbye. you know it's not done. you always have fights, but nothing's ever really done.

but i can't help but feel lonely and by myself a lot of the time. i've come to love my two kitties so much because they're the only things that seem like they really need you. to have them follow you around the house, purr in your ear, cuddle with.. they're always there no matter what. i can't help but feel grateful towards them. Smokey never was a cuddly cat, he stood his own ground, didn't seem to really need me in anyway, and that's how come i loved him. but he's gone, and i can't help but feel pure bliss when i think of Baby and Boots. and sometimes you don't understand how comforting it is to have a pet.

i don't know where i'm going with this, but i never know where i'm going with this. with anything. i plan to stay up late tonight because my mom's not taking me to Italian School tomorrow morning. i really want to go to dance though. we might be doing a relaxation class or watch a ballet movie. and i want to see my friends too. then we're going to church. for advent. i don't really mind church anymore. it's a time to think. i don't really pay attention to what's going on, if there's anything i'm really looking at, it's the various unique characteristics of other people.

you-nique. i saw that somewhere once and it made me smile.

..i'm thinkin' i'm gonna be a computer nerd and since i have the opportunity to use my brother's fast laptop, i might put that computer nerdiness to good use.