hello world.

today was successful. i am getting on the right track. i read art history, i worked on my packaging design, and i finished my essay. all at Second Cup. it's a good place where i can get stuff done and also be surrounded by friends. 

today i learned how to use the miter saw, band saw, sander and all things dangerously wonderful

in the wood shop. i should get on thinking of ideas. mary jane will surely help. 

for surely.

i am only going to listen to the Dandy Warhol's in the next few days because O.Bond convinced me to download their entire discography and i want to know what they are all about.

i am excited for tomorrow. for several reasons, as follows:

a) i read art history and feel prepared for tomorrow's class

b) i finished my essay and it's ready to be handed in for english

c) we're continuing self portraits in Drawing and i feel comfortable with that, also i like donkeys

d) i get to hang out with O. Bond and WILL!! who i haven't seen in ages

e) Thursdays are my Fridays

One Ultra Lame White Boy

5 sweet smelling candles are burning all around me, it's still early

i am beginning to let my guard down, i think.

friendship-wise, anyways. it's hard for me, especially recently, to really trust a person

or fully enjoy a person's company without thinking and knowing it is temporary.

i feel like i've been forcing things to happen.. with Leigha. we haven't talked in two weeks and i feel like my effort to be friends with her again was a stupid idea. i don't think i can ever be fully comfortable around her.. and i feel like i tried patching things up with her because i was left without a best friend.

i wonder what happened to Breanne. some days i still can't believe we don't talk. and for what, really?

i was pretty hurt. she came to my birthday and after sending her a text message saying i missed her and asking if she had room for another friend

she replied, saying something along the lines of

"just have a great birthday"

what a smack in the face. i suppose i deserve it..

isn't that the exact same thing i've done to other people in the past?

i considered complaining about the end of our friendship and 

i wanted to get angry at what she did 

but every time i was on the verge, i told myself

that i deserved it

i did to Leigha what Breanne did to me

i did to Nicole what Breanne did to me

i did to Calvin what Breanne did to me

and i hate to see myself as one of those people who go from friend to friend, having a new

best friend every week 

it's unintentional and i seem to just spend time waiting for when current friends will also leave,

fulfilling the bad karma that i am due for

i really want things to work out

and today i felt that they really are

i'm surrounded by spectacular people at school

i've got O. Bond who thinks like me, talks like me, but is someone i can still learn a lot from.

i've got Hannah, and i've still got blonde Olivia and i've even got Breanna

for this, i must smoke a victory bowl.