i am in the mood for words you won't know how to piece together
to form something of substance abuse

deep forest
i didn't read. i am tired and excited for what could happen in the next 30 minutes
weekends are filling up time is filling up i don't have time for this or that
or kisses

Brian said we could be bar boyfriend and girlfriend
i thought it was cute
how on earth have i managed a person like him since junior high
he said his goal since grade 9 is to kiss me

hahahaha
i'm not sure what to think
deep forest isn't giving me what i need, the songs all got cut off
cut right off cut fright off excitement nervousness i need some better music

Javier Navarette makes me anxious just as well
the mesh between reality and fantasy
the line between reality and fantasy is merely a dot

i can draw on my wall with chalk and escape to a world beyond only to find
a different means of sight
of excitement
of sight

it's amazing how much closer you can be to someone just by sitting next to them,
i met someone new today
Matt K could not meet me in the parking lot so he sent someone else
he told me to have a goodnight and he made sure i had his number.
what for? for what? in case i am in need in the future? well i for surely will be in need in the future

i am hoping i become so busy i hardly eat
and eatly hard. but i like soup. i can only say in words things i want to say
and when it comes to drawing in open spaces
i may just breakdown
i may just not be patient

sex without love

by sharon olds

it's just overwhelming when you have that blank space
knowing you need to fill it
precisely accurately perfectly refined rendered
it's right there but not right there
it takes time and time makes me anxious

i felt accomplished today
knowing i'd be getting someone something they needed desperately even if illegal
but that damn space
those damn strokes get to me get to my core my brain my mind but no matter
the madness of them
it is all worth it in the end.

anyone can do it if they wanted, it's right there in front of you to take to draw to shade
anyone can do it

but can you do it in 3 hours? or 6 hours? i have a hard time with time.

oh, mr rabbit.
to think time waits for no one, but to really think time waits for no one
i never really thought about it until now. when you want moments to slow they don't
when you want moments to pass they don't when you want to heal you can't and when you want a straight line
it remains squiggle layered upon squiggles and in the end what the heck is that?
what the heck is that but a move you made but perhaps shouldn't have
a peace sign that could have been mistakened for the middle finger
i had good intentions i know you do as well , but that hood of yours, that hood of yours
i almost burned your pants with my cigarette, imagine if i had
you would have violently pushed my hand away the ashes flown all over the interior
of my car

but i did not burn your pants, you did not touch my hand violently
you gazed and left
and i wished you a peace sign