ughfugifudsgru

it's this constant feeling i shove desperately to the back of my head. it mostly comes to me Friday nights. i try to watch television, or a movie, but most of the time i'm scared to do so because i might feel too much.

i'm not sure how to explain without sounding like a complete mental case. i think i would be ok with things if i didn't think about HOW i should be feeling. i don't even know how to pinpoint things anymore because i change so often. my mood this morning is different from my mood now, and sometimes i feel really happy and other times, like tonight, i feel like
what's the point.

i fell asleep while watching I Heart Huckabees. it seemed pretty interesting, but i couldn't keep my eyes open. i've been downloading movies like mad and i've collected quite the collection. it is as follows:

A Clockwork Orange
A Scanner Darkly
American Beauty
Chocolat
Dead Poets Society
Gone in 60 Seconds
Iron Man
Maria Full of Grace
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Lady in the Water
Little Miss Sunshine
Memento
P.S. I Love You
Step Up
Wall-E
Amelie
Andy Warhol's Kiss
Basquiat
Daft Punks Electroma
Freedom Writers
Goya
Helvetica
Punch Drunk Love
The Diving Bell and te Butterfly
The Pianist
The Rock
Wicker Park
Shrooms
I Heart Huckabees

it's compulsive. i watch one movie, it makes me feel a certain way that i don't want to feel so i smother it by watching another movie.. or something like that

oh boy, i don't care the consequence of my actions right now.