today i went to the studio at 10:30 in the morning. my art professor, Lisa, came at 11:30 to take a look at my portfolio and tell me what needed working on.

i left the studio around 7 pm.
i was there for 8.5 hours. it makes me smile just thinking about it. Bryan texted me at 9 when i woke up asking if i was in the studio 'cause he forgot his key. his girlfriend had to come back and give him his key. i found out the other day that him and his girlfriend own a house together and they're getting married next year. he's gotta be at least mid twenties. he wouldn't give me an answer when i asked how old he was once.

its cool to start to figure these people out. not necessarily figure them out, but see how they fit in my environment. i think i get along best with Hannah. we were so sick of the studio this afternoon, so we went for a drive. in my super Saab. i love that car.

by the way, i love that car. i love being on the road in a moving vehicle. by myself. it makes me smile, i feel like everything's alright. everything is alright though.

i remember near the end of grade twelve i had mounting joy within me because i felt i had a purpose. i had found something i'm good at, something i can work on, something i can grow from and with. and i recently discovered that feeling again. it's the most irreplaceable feeling and the best feeling, by far.

it's when a song just makes sense in the aura you're in at the time, or when the tea goes down so smoothly and good, or when the charcoal works the way you want it to (even when i end up getting charcoal all over my face), or when i realize what fucking awesome friends i have, or when i read lyrics to The Shins songs and decide that is ultimate perfection.

when a series of words come together and make me feel like the grass and the stars are one and i can lay on them both and sing sing sing sing sing and ride a red bicycle or draw something knowing full well that i suck at it, but i don't care i'm going to keep drawing and creating and thinking and figuring and loving and laughing and being who i was all along. those fucking sunflowers on the side of the road in that car with the tobacco smell and the most beautiful kids sleeping up against me in a beautiful country with beautiful history and beautiful air

it will always be there.

and i will always be here in my head where i can run through those fields and sing The Shins and drink green tea and converse with lost connections and stare at the sky

and realize this world is small and God is everywhere and He is always with me and listening to me and totally understanding me like no one will ever understand me.

at the end of the day, i have all this. i have everything at the end of my raw fingertips. i have all the words to sing and all the feelings to feel and all the moments to savour and remember. i have the best friends anyone could ever ask for, i have a number one family.

i could write and write and write but my orange juice looks good and i want to drink it up.

drink it all up.