so these past couple weeks i've been blowing my nose and having charcoal come out. perhaps this means i am a true artist, but breathing in charcoal dust can't be good for me.

on another note, my mother told me yesterday in a boot camp voice "keep Saturday night open because you're dad is going hunting and me and you are going for dinner and a movie."

a date with my mom? this actually makes me nervous. "am i scared to talk to my mom as a real person?" i ask myself. it gives me a queasy feeling. like i cringe in the face of cheese and sap and that's exactly what Saturday will be.

on yet another note, life has been completely unfair to me these past few weeks. unwanted event after unwanted event and i don't know where it will stop. God, if i'm still alive and still able to discover those few joys in life, perhaps all this was necessary in order for greater things to unfold.

i am a strong mother fucking mess. and if i don't feel it, i will fucking make sure to pretend

(i only swear in times of desperation)