October,
i like writing to you, i will address every blog of this month to you.
forgive my beating heart, my chewed fingers and my weak tear ducts.

i scribbled in Philosophy words, and near the end had a coughing attack where you feel an itch in your throat
and i had wished i filled my water bottle this morning. i coughed and coughed
and felt horrible, this bottomless icky feeling in the pit of my stomach like all things of comfort value could fall right through me. they did fall right through me.

i thought of everywhere and everyone i know that have given me a sense of comfort and i revisited them in my head and
nothing seemed good enough. nothing seemed worth the effort.

trying to fill this gap, i came up with reasons. perhaps i need to create this space i wish i had, maybe it's time to change my room again. or perhaps i've been trying to create the perfect person in my head, being let down to find out they aren't perfect, and i need to realize that no one is. or perhaps i have to become more spiritual.

i'm feeling ok right now. when i get my license next week, i intend to explore this city with the money i don't have. i will explore new music specifically for my adventures. i will continue doing things with my hands, and learning more about the people around me.

-Project Room
-Project Car
-Project Shoes
-Project Spirituality
-Project Exercise

anti-anxiety.