Sept.22 2008 1:20 pm

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Everyone just seems like a blank slate of nothing. i'm sure they have more to them but i have no interest. why does he have to leave me here by myself.

If i can't make myself happy, how can i make other people happy?

How do i attack this? How do i figure this out? what the fuck is in store for me? do i feel happy? will i ever be happy? what is it to be happy anyways?

the knife is happy if he can cut properly. what is my function? being rational? what does that even mean, Aristotle? i have goosebumps on my legs. in this studio. rely on me. rely on myself. no one can do anything for you. jst write, keep writing. keep figuring, figuring it out. turn off the phone and just be without it, without expecting something, without hope. just be ok with this bubble of what you're doing and soak it all up.

this studio is more comforting than i expected. it's hard to make friends. what opens people up? what makes them know you?