march 18, 2008

i have an odd desire for constant sleep deprivation. it is only in the nightly hours i feel like myself. why let that time pass by while i sleep?

i don't know why i haven't written in awhile. i can't sleep.

i have to let him be. i have to let _____ be as well. but i don't want to waste such oppurtunities on minimal things!

my world has expanded. i've gained light years of space in my mind for absolutely nothing but complete bliss. my feet are slushy with the snow and the sun beats down on my vacant face. my smile reflects light onto the already bright stars at nights and all i can think of is me.

it's me. and everything that surrounds me. every being who makes me laugh. every word that inspires me. its all part of my complete bliss.

his sweater was like the sky at night. seemed so eccentric, so magnetic. but his sweater is the only things i will take to heart at this point. the night sky is a good sign for me.

i must lay in the grass more often.

my own irony is that my mind is this black hole of nothing, but full of everything. black holes are nothing. complete and total nothingness. i imagine being sucked into one and floating for the rest of eternity. Just floating. perhaps being sucked into the past, or maybe a world so corrupt that i would die to find peace of mind.

the rawness of my fingers are painful but it doesn't stop me from going SPLAT! -- here's my mind dictated onto paper. manmade paper full of unorthodox thoughts and raw emotions coming together. it's a corrupt world, friends.

it's the sleep that is temporary death.. a temporary death is not possible, but because i am the one holding the pen, it is possible. we are temporarily dead every night, when we should be looking at the stars, imagining ourselves on a different rock in the system.

i will now rest in peace.