i had another dream last night. it gets so frustrating, like you don't even know.

that month and a half wasn't worth this year and a half of heartache. if i had the option of keeping those memories, or erasing them like they didn't happen, i would erase them hands down, no questions asked.

two different emotions found on opposite sides of the spectrum, sometimes i'm not sure which side is worse

=(

i have to trust that something will come along. something better. it has to. right? that soulmate, future husband, high school sweetheart.. if it doesn't, i'm not sure how much more of this i can take.

and i'm not desperate for it out of lonliness, i'm desperate for it because i need to know that there wasn't only him, that it is possible to be just as happy and even happier with someone who isn't him