ever since i was a kid, i always thought in patterns. what happened to one person, would happen to the following person. what happened one day, will happen the next.

for example, my brother must have been 12, i was 8. we went out to Dairy Queen for ice cream and he got sick later that evening. i made a mental note not to eat any Dairy Queen ice cream for the whole year i was twelve years old, because i thought if i did, what happened to my brother, would happen to me.

another example, when i was a kid, i woke up in the middle of the night and i felt sick, the next night it didn't happen, the night after, it happened again and from that night on, i had it engraved in my mind that it was something that only happened every other day. and as the whole "mind over matter" saying goes, that's exactly what ended up happening. i thought things happened in patterns, and that's how come i woke up feeling sick in the middle of every other night.

and i can't help but pick out another pattern, even though i am not a kid, and i have knowledge enough to know that life and what happens in it, is totally in your control and is a result of your own actions. my brother had a sucky high school experience, but he had an awesome awesome university experience. this makes me believe that you cannot have both experiences be positive, so because my high school experience has been quite positive thus far, my university experience is bound to be negative.

is it possible that i can take myself out of this pattern mind-set? i mean, it is possible to have positive experiences in every stage of life if that is how you see it!

i think at this point in time, i should stop writing because i've been thinking a lot today and reading a lot, and feeling different emotions. and i just can't wait until my brother comes home tomorrow. it seems like without him here for the past two months, i've been more down in the dumps than ever. he really is someone who makes me feel so much better about myself, my future, and about life in general.