lovely 2 C U

today was pretty good. one of the best days in a while actually. went to school when it wasn't even necessary, did some Biology until Jordan showed up.
when he did, we walked to Northgate, had some Orange Julius, walked back and hung out with Leigha and Jamie and Pascale and Lauren.
it was much fun.
=)

and after school.. i swear i laughed the hardest i ever laughed in the longest time. Ashley said she heard me from around the corner and down the hall. ..yeah i do that sometimes haha. but me and Leigha had a good time. she made me laugh tons. like.. tons. and it felt really good. we hadn't done that in a long time. i love laughing like that. and fuck, she makes me laugh so hard when she immitates me when i try saying something and it sounds like a bunch of jibberish. and she repeats it the way i said it and it just makes me laugh even harder. it's fucking stupid. i love it. i love her.

but yeah, speaking of friends. do you ever like.. find yourself in a moment, and you realize it's not even the same anymore. like, everyone acts like it's the same and nothing's changed, when it really has. you don't feel as comfortable around that person like you used to. and then you think of that group of friends that you had the past million years... and you feel like it was all a lie.
i mean, what's the definition of friend.. seriously? someone who you feel you can talk to about anything, and someone you know will talk to you about anything.. without hesitation. well there's those few that i never felt that way with. i always called them my best friends. i wrote messages for them in my blog.. i knew they'd never do the same thing back. and i thought about that today in ballet.. and i was just like.. wow. i pretty much wasted my time, believing we were actually best friends. i don't even know what got that notion in my head in the first place. i'm closer to people i just met than some of them.. i hate to think like that, but it's the truth. going to dance used to be the funnest thing ever, i used to go for the people and not even to dance. now i find myself actually listening and trying my best to do what i'm there to do.. minus when Lauren and Leigha are there, 'cause concentrating just isn't an option when those two are around.
and it kinda hurts.. like our whole group is just so messed up. they talk behind each other's backs and they don't like certain people. i feel like there's a wall like something missing.
maybe it's become that time where age difference actually made.. well, a difference. it never used to be that way. but then i find them talking about stuff i have no idea about and it's like we have nothing in common anymore.
maybe i'm blowing it out of proportion, but it's just how i felt today.

then again.. maybe i just expect too much.