lose an argument in a cable car

hmm i am so incredibly unbelievably totally completely utterly bored out of my FRICKEN mind. and i sit here thinking how my mother did a swell job in ruining my first semester of grade eleven by grounding me on November 1st for two months for a 67 in Religion and a 70 in Math. and guess what? it's not like those marks are any better!
have i mentioned that grade eleven is a huge painful slap in the face that's gonna leave a red mark once i fail some courses and the option of University is nicely crossed out with a red X, conveniently the same color of the mark that's gonna be left on my face by my mother once all these unfortunate events nicely fall into place within the next few months.

GREAT ISN'T IT?

and you know what's greater? no matter how much i contemplate the consequences and how bad they can really turn out, all i can really do is sit here and right about how i'm going to end up a bum on Jasper Avenue or a prostitute on Whyte Avenue. might as choose now, between Jasper and Whyte. ERRR what is wrong with me. moving this computer into my room was seriously not a good idea AT ALL.
you know what else is not a good idea AT ALL. getting involved with boys that make you go nuts when you really try your hardest to not let it get to you while you try desperately to study for Biology or Social or Math or whatever class it is you're failing.
there's just a ton of factors to take into consideration. it's been almost four months. FOUR MONTHS IN THIS SECRET ALLIANCE. it's just so weird. i mean, my longest relationship was 2 months and 3 weeks in grade nine HAHA. and this is like.. four months? and it's not even a real thing. its a secret alliance as i like to call it, but i don't know. it's just so frustrating. and then a second later it's not frustrating at all, it's re-assuring, and then the next second it's frustrating all over again.
and then there's the hormones racing and all the other guys i'm attracted to at the same time. it's just nuts. i am a huge mess. i swear.

another thing i noticed. well, actually, i don't feel like writing it. haha. sorry about the inclination of suspense there :P

hmm so Will's in Hawaii right now.
i'm grounded right now.
Joe's.. i don't know where Joe is.
Daniel's at his girlfriend's.
The Fray just told me "heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why. hold on tight wait for tomorrow you'll be alright."
why does that just seem to make me laugh.
tomorrow me and Pascale are gonna spend lunch together. to talk and stuff.
we're discussing where we're gonna go.
do you ever have friends, but they're friends you always joke around with and sometimes you feel like awkward around them because all you do is joke around?
i'm thinking maybe hanging out with him tomorrow might be a mistake. but i know it's not like someone else is going to come see me..
so i'm going to.
and maybe i won't joke around this time.
maybe i'll say something that means something.
something smart. and something that might seem like i'm opening up.
although, there really isn't much there to let him discover.

i also noticed..
maybe i do laugh too much. and joke around too much.
i've always been that way though. i wonder if it's a cover up.
i don't know though. i really don't...

maybe i do that to avoid fights or disagreements. i tend to give a little chuckle here and there
even if it's only to lighten things up once and awhile

when things need to be lightened up.