jamaican me crazy

- i went to my old house today before we went to church. we walked up to the front door and my mom rang the doorbell. my dad came and unlocked it and a big smile came across my face just hearing that familiar noise of opening a door. it's incredible how accustomed we become to familiar repetitive noises.. my dad was painting the inside. i walked in and i felt like a giant. i got this really weird feeling.. like after a drag i feel real bouncy, i felt that way. walking down the hallway that seemed so small now. i walked into my old room. i examined everything. i smelled the air and the paint. i saw the scratch marks on the floor from when i used to re arrange my room. i opened and closed my closet. i remember those doors used to break so often. i ran my fingers down the door and felt a remaining piece of tape. i didn't know whether it was from the previous tenants, or from 5 years ago when i used to tape things up on my walls. then i turned around and noticed how i was able to see right out the window. i was never tall enough to see right through it. and now i could. my room used to seem so complicated.. my house used to seem so complicated. and as i walked upstairs and downstairs, opened every cupboard, turned on every tap, flicked on every light, closed every door, it seemed so simple. so simple so small. so squeaky. i walked over the squeaky parts an extra time. i entered every room to see it empty, but i let my imagination remember how everything was placed when i lived there. where my brother's stereo was placed, where my bed was, where the computer had been, where the couches were, where we sat to eat dinner. i looked out the kitchen window and i turned to my mom and said "this house is so ghetto". and it's true, if anyone were to walk in, they would've thought it was ghetto. the patterns on the walls, the tiles, the yellow fridge.. sometimes i go to people's houses and think they look ghetto, and then i walk into my old house which is equally ghetto, and it seems so different. it's like a comfortable ghetto. i love that house, and i stopped myself from tearing up 'cause that's gay. my mom and brother want to sell the house, but me and my dad still want to own it and keep renting it out. the thing is, my brother and mother say that if someone owned the house, they would treat it better than people who rent it out. we left, and my mom said that visiting that house makes her fed up because the people who live there always trash it.

i miss it.

- we were early for church, so we drove to the Portuguese store or whatever and we bought bread. sweet bread. i really liked it.
- i cleaned my closet. i really cleaned my closet today. it's nice now.
- i watched the oc from Thursday. and was interrupted when my dad gave me this picture of him a very very very very very long time ago. it was a picture of him in a boat going fishing. he was sitting, wearing these light blue short shorts, he had these high socks on and these really sweet sneakers on that i wish i could have, and he had this massive afro. and when i say massive, it was a massive pile of curls atop his head. and beside him was a pack of cigarettes. it made me laugh. i love old pictures. this one was really sweet though. it made you wanna be on that boat fishing with him.

-Seth proposed to Summer. i wonder if it was for real.