how absolutely nothing it is

i have two good ideas for tattoos. both are very cool, very simple, very meaningful, but they're complete opposites, they kind of contradict themselves, but i'll tell you the cool idea after i introduce to you my two tattoo ideas.
so on the ankle, a picture of an anchor. why? to remind the owner to stay grounded, to not let things get to their head.
the other one, a picture of wings on the ankle. symbolic for the messenger God Mercury. also could mean to chase your dreams.. or something along those lines.

they completely clash, but you have two ankles.. why not put one on each right?
with one foot flying and one foot anchored, you'd be sideways.. horizontal.. i figure.

i'm excited for Zacharie to come back to edmonton this summer. i hung out with him once last year.. didn't really get to know him, and now he lives in Yellowknife and we talk all the time. it's kinda.. odd. in a cool funny way.

so i'm really getting into this Buddhist crap. we're learning about it in religion.. and it's really interesting. an enlightened one can judge situations without involving themself and they're emotions. they see Earth as the worst place to be, and that's what most people don't get. when it comes to reincarnation, the western world embraces it while the Asian world considers it hell. being reincarnated means you pretty much failed at life, and you have to do it again. people see Buddhism as a pessimistic religion because they see life as unsatisfactory. clearmindfulness is the key to spiritual understanding. the Buddhist way is to master both hate and love, fear and confidence, and aversion. and they believe in karma. when i thought of karma, i thought it was something like not giving someone some money, and then finding yourself asking people for money when they won't give it to a few months after or something like that. but karma to them is like... where we are now in our lives, is the result of our past life. so if we were a really bad person in our past life, our present life most likely sucks. if we were a really good person in our past life, our present life is probably really good.

i don't know. i think it's cool to think about that. sometimes i think it would be kinda neat if reincarnation really was the case, but i think God gave us all one life and one only.

me and Leigha talked in biology the other day. we were talking about what happens after we all die. she said something along the lines of "what if we knew what was happening, but we couldn't do anything about it. so if we were donating our organs, we would be able to see that they were removing our kidneys and what not. and when we're laying in that coffin, we would be just laying there. and we would get really bored being in this wooden case for millions and billions of years to come."

i dunno. it's really weird and also really scary. i don't believe in what Leigha said (haha no offense), but sometimes i think it just becomes darkness. there's nothing there. just absolutely nothing. you're just dead. and that's all. but it's so full of nothing that you don't even know it's nothing. you can't comprehend how absolutely nothing it is. 'cause you yourself are nothing. i don't know.. it's really hard to explain, but i see it in my head.

hmmph. i also thought.. what if your dead relatives knew and saw everything you did. like, when you're doing stuff you'd rather not have everyone know, are your grandparents and relatives hanging right above you watching you do it? i dunno, it's really weird. so weird it makes me laugh a little.

i think i'll leave.. and try to find some Zen in my life haha. no idea what that means by the way.. just know it's a good song by Bush and it's also a type of Buddhism.

"so fine on my mind everynight,
trippin' on a dream,
but damn she was tight"