"“Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality . Wake Up and Live!”"

B.M. is my muse

it would have been a nice afternoon spent with Vitto if i actually went to his place, but i didn't, because it's so bloody cold out.

i never thought i'd say this again, but i'm sitting in a large bowl of suckiness.

according to Matt i should be angry at Mr Sainchuk because he picks on me a lot. there's something about him.. the way he puts me on the spot, but i turn ridiculously red every time he talks to me in that class.

it bothers me so much because i'm not ashamed at what i'm saying, i just hate being put on the spot.

anyways, after school today me and Breanne bought Silent Sam (haha) and then went to Mt. Fuji to pick up our food and talk to Vin.

we went to her place and while eating Mt Fuji and drinking vodka and coke, we watched Across The Universe. i am so excited for this movie. i love it so much that i could watch it everyday. i watched it today with Breanne and i was really excited because she hadn't seen it yet. and tomorrow i'm going to watch it with Vitto, who also hasn't seen it.

after that me and Breanne went to londonderry where i bought ten dollar shoes and a 60 dollar fancy top... the first of many i'm predicting.

i love Breanne.

Aquarius January 20-February 18 Thursday, Feb 7, 2008 You should be coming across very well to other people right now. You ought to be able to make a positive impression a little more easily than usual today. And you should find that this really ought to help you out when it comes to dealing with any sort of romantic interests right now.

So go ahead and take a few risks and express your feelings today. And if you feel like having a good time right now, just be careful that you don’t overdo it. If you play your cards right, this could turn out to be one of your luckier days of the month.


my favorite class is probably English. Mr Sainchuk is awesome.

i went tanning today for twenty minutes. i feel like a walking cancer.

my eyes are ridiculously dry.

i'm sitting here with the laptop on my lap and the tv in front of me. apparently Kursten Dunst is going to rehab. what is this? maybe i should get a career in a rehab facility. i'm so obsessed with hollywood that if i were to work at a rehab facility in California, i would surely meet enough stars to do some high quality name dropping.

did i mention i bought Across The Universe on Tuesday??? i watched the day of and it was amazing as usual. i'm going to watch it tomorrow at Breanne's place, and i'm going to watch it at Vitto's on saturday. it's so exciting!!!

the past few weeks i've been ridiculously unmotivated to do anything related to my portfolio. my motivation and excitement returned yesterday... and i am sure that this is the field for me. i am totally 100% sure.

can you believe that that stupid Hannah Montana movie was number one in box offices this week?! either the population is utterly RETARDED or our population consists of MOSTLY teenyboppers.

Anna Nicole Smith's daughter is so cute.

hahahah today i laughed because Vitto doesn't get paid until next week so that ruins our dinner date because he is broke and he's stubborn and wants to pay. so we're staying in and cooking dinner ourselves!! how cute is that.

except i'm kind of sketchy about it because his parents will probably be there, and i'm not very comfortable around parents, you know? sometimes i wish i was like Heather in the way that she is so outgoing.

hmmph. i really don't feel like writing. i just spent an hour and half writing a paper for English. and another hour on chemistry. i absolutely love only having two core subjects this semester. love love love it

do you ever see a date and know it holds some sort of importance, but you just can't think of it?

that's whats been happening with me and February 4th. it looks like a big day, but i just can't think of what might have happened on February 4th one year, two years, three years or maybe four years ago... it's very bothersome.

on another note, i'm beginning to feel intimidated by somebody i don't even know

oh yeah
i was reading an old post and realized i made a mistake. Vitto didn't live in Australia for 6 months. he went there twice. the first time for 10 and a half months and the second time for 3 months

HOW SWEET IS THAT?!

you know what else is absolutely euphoric?

feeling as if i finally found someone worth my time. i used to think it was too exhausting meeting someone new and getting to know them. but with Vitto, it's so easy and relaxed.

today in English, Mr. Sainchuk was talking about relationships. i can't remember exactly what he said, but this girl in my class was talking....
"... it's important to get to know the person at the beginning of a relationship"
Mr. Sainchuk responded..
"but WHY?! what on earth is the rush????? why do you need to get to know him overnight?? guys, when you spend all your time with your girlfriend, i assure you that the relationship will not last. if you want your relationship to last, you have to take your time and slowly get to know each other."

it seems that everything he says is directed to me somehow. i can relate somehow to everything he talks about.
he has this weird habit of knowing people without actually knowing them... on the first day he asked me if i was a good writer. i responded..
"i dunno... maybe"
"i dunno? maybe? how will you attract any men with that confidence. 'look at me! i have no confidence in myself! how on earth will i meet a guy who wants to be with someone who has such low confidence?!'"

it was just ridiculous. sure everyone was laughing and so was i. but he read me like a book. the next class he was talking about palm reading. i happened to grab the spot at the front so he grabs my hand and predicts my future as follows...
"ahh... ok. so you will soon meet someone very special who you will care about dearly. but in 6 months he will dump you and you will not get over it for 4 years!"

my jaw nearly dropped because it sounded like something that could totally happen to me. it already has, just divide the time periods in half!

but Vitto is totally cool. he sent me the sweetest thing just now..
"it's a good thing because i really do like you and taking this slow is a smart idea. but ya like i said i am stoked to hang out with you. ha and i am really looking forward to stealing that kiss. and taking naps with you while listening to records heh"
"i totally think that is how you start a good relationship. it will be more about us than that."

i don't know what i did to deserve someone like him. maybe those late night chats with God while sipping on green tea and listening to Mazzy Star really worked.

he is amazing.

been sitting here for awhile listening to Fiona Apple while doing chemistry homework. music has the ability to make me happy even when doing chemistry homework.
or maybe it was the text conversation between Vitto and I.

now i'm listening to Mazzy Star. they're angels.
when i listen to their music i imagine myself in a different world saturated with color. i have long wavy dark hair in this world and i'm wearing a nice sundress and i'm laying in a field of ridiculously green grass and i watch the ridiculously white clouds travel across the ridiculously blue sky.

it's euphoric.

i think my favorite music of all time has to be within these artists: Coldplay, Oasis, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bloc Party, Bob Marley, Fiona Apple, and Mazzy Star

my life is complete when all the above are included

yesterday me and Vitto went to Heather's condo where she and my brother made dinner. after dinner we hung out until 9:30 when we went to Empress.

it wasn't as awesome as last time i went because i didn't really have a lot to drink.. just random sips from Daniel and Vitto's beers.

as time went on, my legs eventually rested on top of Vitto's leg, and he held my hand for a bit.
that was the best part.

Friday or Saturday he wants to go out to Da Capo and maybe catch a movie at the Garneau.

he gives me butterflies

another positive note! i weighed myself this morning and i am now 148 pounds! which totals to 7 pounds lost in the last few months. i haven't weighed under 150 in so long....


positivity all around!

last night i went to the Etherial CD Release party. i went with Aislin, Haley and Shawn. there was a lot of people there from our school.. ones that usually never go to their shows. it was pretty fun and then we went to the Liquor store where we bought some booze with my newly legal identification.

i love Haley because she makes me laugh really really hard with her random expressions and sayings.
i love Aislin because she's cute and she keeps us under control.. for the most part.
i love Amanda because she becomes a sultry spanish man when under the influence and says things like "Como stas bitchessss" and "OLE!" and "hombre" hahaha.
i love Kari because she's an alcoholic.

i love live music because it's hypnotizing.

afterwards, we went to McDonald's because Haley and I were hungry and i hadn't eaten anything that day which probably explains why i was completely out of my mind with only a few shots of captain morgan's.

anyways, Aislin drove me home and i laid in bed and texted Vitto for about an hour. i confessed that i couldn't stop thinking about him at the concert.

and that's when he confessed that he really likes me and thinks i'm amazing.

WHAAAAA???? i was totally thrown off in a totally awesome way.

i can't wait to see him in approximately 3 hours for dinner at Heather's condo and then out to the bar!!!

it was a very chill day.

i had cosmetology with my girls first block.
i had english with my girl second block.
i had spare with myself third block.
i had lunch with my girl at lunch.
i had chemistry with my crew 4th block.

went downtown and took a bus to his house fifth block.
blazed with my boys sixth block.
watched Knocked Up and burned incense with my boy 7th block.
drank green tea with my boy eighth block.

i think i really like him for long time.

i'm tired of saying nothing about what has been happening to me.

on one hand, i really really want to talk about it. but on the other hand, i want to keep it myself because i don't know what is going to happen.

i'll keep it down to the basics..
that guy that i met at the bar.. Vitto. well we've been texting for the past three days. and i'm hanging out with him tomorrow.

basically, he could be one of the coolest people i've ever met. he's 22 and a hippie. he has those really old VW vans from the 70s and he lived in Australia for 6 months and went to New Zealand and was pretty much a beach bum.

the best part? he's friends with my brother. i told my brother yesterday we were going to hang out and all he could say (with a big smile on his face) was "i'm going to kill that guy." but then he continued to say he's a really really wicked guy. and he's italian! him and my brother went to italian school together. and to add to that, he grew up 2 doors down from my brothers girlfriend, Heather. so it won't be awkward when and if we hang out together.

last night me and Vitto were texting and it was 1 am and he told me to tell my brother "il gatto nero fa meow meow" (in italian it means the black cat goes meow meow) and so i told me brother and my brother says "tell him- Come lo sai esopo?" (which means how do you know, esopo?) and Vitto sends one back saying he laughed so hard.

i was so out of the loop but he then told me it was an italian song they learned in Italian school.

it's just a really really cool feeling. i have no way of knowing what will happen, but i can't wait, whatever it is.

i really like writing about meaningful things that won't make me want to smack myself upside the head a few years down the road.

Follow me because
I will lead the way
to the very end of the things I pray
and all that I know I will pass on
until the day you will need me no more.

I will take you to where you’ve never been before.
and I’ll show you all of this colourful world
and when the moment comes that you will carry on,
You, you’ll do the same
You will lead the game
for another, another
just like you.

do you ever actually think about the water you drink?
i mean, the Earth only has a certain amount of water which has been recycled since the beginning of time.

i imagine the water people are drinking is entering their bodies, exiting their bodies, going into the water cleaning system and so on..

and then when you add rivers, lakes, oceans, and even the water cycle! i mean, it is totally possible that i am drinking water that has travelled to the sky!

or maybe Cleopatra bathed in the same bath water as i do! there are a million possibilites.

just think of how ancient water molecules are.. they never really disappear.

oh, the stories water would tell if only it could talk.

i just would like to mention that under Aquarius woman and Sagittarius male it says this:

LOOSE. free with their bods, treat 'em like temples

=D

i have this nasty habit.

not necessarily nasty, but it's an awful habit to have because it's exactly what women do wrong.

i have this old old old magazine from 2000.. it's Teen People and it has Sisqo on the cover. i refer to this magazine many times in my life. specifically when i meet a new guy. any new guy.. even the ones i don't want to be with romantically.

inside there's three pages.
the first page is for the women. it has all the zodiac signs and under it says for each zodiac what about men they prefer most... in areas such as appearance, personality, ideals etc...

for example, under Aquarius (me!) it says this...
LOOKS:
DUDE. rude-boy vibe. skate, ska-style. fluid body lingo. radical hair-- the odd dye job, tattoo or piercing.
PERSONALITY:
CONSCIOUS. visionary. probing. provocative. out of bounds. zealous. exceptional. progressive. humane. lustily longing.
IDEALS:
CHANGE. rebellion. individualism. self-promotion. clarity. invention. tolerance. temperance.
AMBITION:
NIRVANA.ending strife. fostering solidarity. solving global problems.

on the second page is what men want.

for example i will pick want an Aquarian man would want (and for the record, i've never actually had to look under this zodiac sign for men before)...
LOOK:
LOVE CHILD. beads, braids. buff yoga bod. strappy styles. corn-fed face. techno-trappings. open gaze.
and so on and so on.
i use this page a lot. and even though it's probably not true, it's cool to see what it says anyways.

finally! the third and last page is a table. across the top are the mens zodiac signs and going down the side are the womens zodiac signs. you find the woman's and man's sign and see their compatibility. ( i also love and use this a lot)

so when i use Aquarius and Aquarius together here is what it says:
EXTRA-ORDINARY. normal outside, freaky inside. both brainy.

how cool is that?!?!

let's be nerdy and confess that this is my 900th post!!

how ridiculous is that.

very very ridiculous.

i sit here with not an ounce of worry for i am officially done semester one of my senior year. YAY

also, my brother's italian friend who i met at the bar (see previous post for reference) has added me to facebook and while having a pleasant conversation, he asked for my brother's phone number because he changed phones and didn't have it anymore. so i gave it to him with the clever remark "do you want mine too while you're at it? haha just kidding.." and he said "sure! just don't tell dan he might kill me"

so he text messaged me and we texted last night for a few hours.

it was pretty ... weird haha

i had a feeling that once i have the title of "adult" i'd become this force to be reckoned with. and that, i have become =D

alright so this is how my 18th birthday went. and yes i remember everything.

i had Social diploma prep. courses until 9 so my brother picked me up from St.Joes and we stopped at a liquor store and picked up some rye and then we bought some diet coke and ice and then we went to Heather's condo.

there, my brother gave me my birthday present (which was probably more for him in the end haha). he got me an Oasis DVD which we watched while pre-drinking at the condo.

Sari, Sinan, Natalie and Teng then showed up and me and Daniel crammed in the car and we headed to Halo.

Halo is really really cool. my brother bought us all yagger bombs (sp?) which are shots of some kind of alcohol and red bull. they are really expensive but my brother said it's tradition and our parents gave us $165 to spend haha. anyways, so by this time i was pretty intoxicated and Andrea showed up which was cool.

i figured i'm a club person. i enjoy sitting around getting drunk but i really like dancing so me, Teng, Andrea and Natalie danced in a circle and the DJ was playing some pretty wicked songs which i enjoyed. after a little bit of that we crammed into the car (Natalie only had a beer so we weren't drinking and driving!) and headed to Empress on whyte ave. where my brother's friend Greg was having his birthday which i thought was pretty sweet.

so we get to this pub and i sit down and plop my elbow into a million puddles of beer, but by this time i was so fucked i didn't care. let me re-phrase that. i wasn't "so fucked", but i was the drunkest i've ever been in my life, which is a little more drunk than tipsy... enough so that my vision was bouncing off the walls.. i made it clear that i'm a weed kind of girl haha

anyways, so i meet Greg who i've actually met before at the art show but i actually talk to him thanks to social lubricators (alcohol) and he is a really cool guy. we were all talking about his trip to Europe with Teng and he's really funny.

and then i met this guy named Vittorio who actually went to Italian school with my brother like ages ago. we talked a lot. he's currently upgrading but he travelled a lot.. went to New Zealand and Australia, and my brother was saying that he lived in Australia for 6 months or something. this guy is so interesting and pretty cute as well. actually, i mentioned later (to my brother) that he kinda looks like Elijah Wood.

he even bought me a drink. and threw me a couple smiles here and there. he told me he really likes the movie Into The Wild and i mentioned my brother wanted to see that and then he had a brilliant idea that we all go see it! which would be pretty cool...

anyways, it was a little before 2 am when we left and got dropped off back at Heather's condo. me and my brother watched more of the Oasis DVD when i felt like total crap and walked calmly to the bathroom. my brother asking if i was feeling alright and i calmly responded with a no. i embraced the toilet and without much panic (which is totally unusual for me because i hate hate hate throwing up and i always start bawling haha... last time i threw up was 2 years ago in Italy due to severe exhaustion and jet lag) and i threw up. and it smelled like alcohol which made me want to throw up even more.

it was an awesome awesome awesome night.
but if i see or smell alcohol in this next week i will probably hurl. gross